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-- We need some funnies!

Posted by Miss Bliss on Mar-02-2005 21:54:

We need some funnies!

Guys, we need some laughs around here... post jokes, or funny stories, or something. Or make fun of the poster above you!

I am a total LOSER who loves play on words and puns... these cracked me up for hours... enjoy

1) Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

2) A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. One stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

3) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

4) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

5) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "Why? They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

6) These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

7) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Get ready for the knockout....

8) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... (oh man, this is SO bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis!

And now back to our regularly scheduled party review threads.

Posted by Highmay on Mar-02-2005 22:02:

Thank Woody Allen for this joke:

Did you hear the one about the Polish carpool? They all met at work.

Posted by EarnYourKeep on Mar-02-2005 22:04:

What do you call cheese that ain't yours?

NACHO CHEESE

Posted by dj tek on Mar-02-2005 22:21:

how do you shut helen keller up ?

give her mittens..

Posted by GUBostonDubs on Mar-02-2005 22:22:

heres a really bad one....

When is it playtime at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.....

When the Big Hand Touches the Little Hand........

Sorry

Posted by LinX on Mar-02-2005 23:00:

quote:
Originally posted by dj tek
how do you shut helen keller up ?

give her mittens..

terrible, terrible..

Posted by dj tek on Mar-03-2005 00:53:

quote:
Originally posted by LinX
terrible, terrible..