Just say ... nothing? The parental 'drug talk' fades

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Posted by dEsidEL on Mar-07-2005 19:58:

Just say ... nothing? The parental 'drug talk' fades

quote:

Just say ... nothing? The parental 'drug talk' fades

Mon Mar 7, 9:20 AM ET

Today's parents are proving more reluctant to talk about it to their children.

By Alexandra Marks, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

NEW YORK - Paul Turgeon, a corporate engineer and father, is a child of the Age of Aquarius - the 1960s and '70s when it was cool in many circles to get high, trip on mescaline, and experiment with hallucinatory mushrooms.

In that, he is very much a member of his generation. But he is also an exception: He readily admits to his two teenagers that he tried drugs - indeed "just about everything under the sun" - at their age.

"I'm of the belief that if they can gain from my experience, all the better," he says. "But I also put that in context. I have had to make it very clear that a lot of the things that I did were viewed very differently then from the way they are today."

Today's parents are more likely to have used drugs in adolescence than any other generation. Yet, unlike Mr. Turgeon, they're proving more reluctant to talk about it to their children.

A new survey by the Partnership for a Drug Free America has found that 12 percent of today's parents have never talked to their kids about drugs and the risks they pose. That's twice as many as just six years ago. At the same time, parents are significantly underestimating their kids' use of and exposure to drugs in schools and communities.

This phenomenon is raising alarms in the drug-prevention community, primarily because statistics show that kids whose parents talk with them regularly about drugs are 50 percent less likely to use them. But it's also because this generation of children is facing a new drug-abuse landscape, where once-hip drugs like marijuana are being complemented by a variety of pharmaceuticals - from cough suppressants to painkillers - many of which can be easily found in their parents' medicine cabinets.

"Today's parents see less risk in drug use, and they admit there's significantly less communication going on with their own teens," says Tom Hedrick of the Partnership, a nonprofit antidrug group. "Along with the changing drug threats ... that parents are simply unaware of, we have a very dangerous situation developing."

Mr. Hedrick calls this group of parents "a very tough audience" because, like Turgeon, they came of age when drug use was at its peak and many used drugs to no apparent ill effect into adulthood.

Thus, they have a lowered perception of risk. For instance, in 1998, 35 percent of parents surveyed saw slight or no risk in their children trying marijuana once or twice. By 2004, that number had jumped to 43 percent. Similarly, six years ago, 7 percent of parents saw slight or no risk in their children trying cocaine once or twice. That's now jumped to 12 percent.

At the same time, most parents are like Valerie Flynn from Fairfield, Conn., who believes it's important to talk with her children about drug use. And most do, like Ms. Flynn, but sometimes without the in-depth, consistent conversations researchers believe can be an effective deterrent.

"I talk to them, but I feel like they know everything. They know more than me," she says. "And I assume they won't do anything. I trust them that they won't go near it."

Ms. Flynn's 14-year old daughter, Audrey, says she has learned a lot about the dangers of drug use at school and has no desire to use them. "I've seen so many movies and clips - all these weird and disgusting things. I don't even want to try them," she says.

Teen drug use has gone down over the past three years. At the same time, a gulf exists between what parents think their kids are exposed to and the reality of what gets passed around the schoolyard. For instance, only 20 percent of parents think their children have friends who smoke pot, but more than 60 percent of kids say their friends use the drug. And while only 18 percent of parents think their own teens have tried marijuana, 39 percent of teens admit to researchers that they have done so.

Turgeon believes one reason parents are reluctant to talk openly about drug use and their own experiences is that the culture has changed so drastically. When he was in college at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (news - web sites) in Cambridge, Mass., drug use was an "entree into an opportunity to meet interesting new people. Now it's just the opposite." It's shifted from morally acceptable to morally wrong, he says, and that helps explain why parents are hesitant to be honest with their own kids.

"They don't talk to their kids in part because they don't want them to know they did anything wrong," he says. "So there's now a moral pall around drug use that stifles discussion, and I don't think it's a good thing whenever society stifles open discussion."

Researchers say the lower perceptions of risk evident in this generation of drug-savvy parents also explain why parents are less willing to talk with their kids. Many of them got high, some regularly, and they're doing just fine. They assume their children will follow the same path.

But experts say that may also be misleading. New research shows that adolescents' brains develop more slowly than once thought. While 18 has become the accepted age of consent for a variety of adult activities, a new study by the Treatment Research Institute (TRI) in Philadelphia has found that full development of certain mental processes - notably judgment - doesn't take place until about 24. To some, this accounts in part for teenagers' risk-taking and seeming sense of invincibility. "This is a call for parents to take more action to substitute their own judgment for their teens'," says the TRI's Thomas McLellan.

To help parents bridge the gaps between their perceptions of drug use and their children's, the Partnership is launching a nationwide campaign to "pierce parental denial" about teen drug use. They believe their most effective tools are parents like Janet Pfaff, whose daughter Kristen died of an accidental heroin overdose in 1994.

Kristen was the bass guitarist in Courtney Love's rock band. When she looked tired and thin on tour, Kristen told her mother it was just the demanding schedule. "I believed it because I wanted to. I was in denial," says Ms. Pfaff, who now travels around the country telling other parents about her experience and urging them to get more involved with their children.

"Kristen's friends told me she was a recreational drug user," she says. "When I hear that, I tell kids and parents there is no such thing."

source:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tm..._csm/aparents_1

Posted by Jayx1 on Mar-07-2005 20:05:

The disturbing part about that is that i can see people trying to use this to make the age of majority 24. In this day and age i wouldnt discount the thought. 21 wasnt the mandatory age in the US until the mid 80s.

Posted by dEsidEL on Mar-07-2005 20:19:

just curious as to whether or not anyone here would try and discourage their children from taking drugs if they were given the choice ..

Posted by Jayx1 on Mar-07-2005 20:24:

I wouldn't want my kids to do them but i know that the "just say no" approach doesnt work either.

I think educating them as much as possible on the good and bad effects are the best way to go.

Posted by dEsidEL on Mar-07-2005 20:31:

quote:
Originally posted by Jayx1
I wouldn't want my kids to do them but i know that the "just say no" approach doesnt work either.

I think educating them as much as possible on the good and bad effects are the best way to go.

lol.. "Just say no." that's sooo 80'z ..

thanks Nancy Regan !

Posted by b4k-oz on Mar-07-2005 20:37:

quote:
Originally posted by dEsidEL

just curious as to whether or not anyone here would try and discourage their children from taking drugs if they were given the choice ..

Yes I would try to discourage them.
I wouldn't put fear in them and tell them not to do it...because that never works.

But I would try to educate them about it and encourage them to be honest with me...without the fear of reprisal...while trying to discourage them from an uncontrolled overindulgence.

I think a parent always has to set guidlines and protective measures to ensure responsible behaviour by thier children.

Posted by loca on Mar-07-2005 21:13:

Heh, interesting. My parents pretty much rely on me to give my younger siblings the "drug talk" because they know (i told them) that i've experimented with different kinds...

I think they're uncomfortable expressing an opinion on something they've never done, and it works well like this. My brothers and sister are much more comfortable discussing drugs with me than they would ever be with my parents. I believe i'm the only one in my family who will readily talk to the parents about it

Posted by loca on Mar-07-2005 21:19:

quote:
Originally posted by dEsidEL

just curious as to whether or not anyone here would try and discourage their children from taking drugs if they were given the choice ..

I doubt i would try and discourage them from it, but i certainly wouldn't promote it! I would just talk to them about it - about the effects different drugs have on the body, your perception of things while high, etc.

I would also preach moderation I think i might be a little disappointed if i found out my child was doing drugs, but again, it depends what kind of drug (i'm not saying i would congratulate them either on doing drugs i didn't necessarily disapprove of!). Some of them i would never touch, and i hope my kids would have the same reasoning.

Posted by dEsidEL on Mar-07-2005 21:22:

quote:
Originally posted by loca

I would also preach moderation

uhoh .. it's the 'M' word again ..

Posted by loca on Mar-07-2005 21:26:

quote:
Originally posted by dEsidEL

uhoh .. it's the 'M' word again ..

My mantra

Posted by starsearcher on Mar-07-2005 21:28:

Posted by samhouse on Mar-07-2005 21:47:

My kids will make their own choice and it will be a very well educated one.

Posted by DigiNut on Mar-07-2005 22:12:

quote:
Originally posted by samhouse
My kids will make their own choice and it will be a very well educated one.

+1

Posted by b4k-oz on Mar-07-2005 22:27:

quote:
Originally posted by samhouse
My kids will make their own choice and it will be a very well educated one.

Have you forgotten what it was like to be a kid?

Kids do make their own choices. No parent ever makes it for them.

Exception is: If a kid has ultra strict parents...and in my eyes those are the dangerous parents that subject their kids to mental abuse too.

I'm curious to know, how you propose to help your children make educated choices if you don't provide the education or the guidelines? Do you think they'll just miraculously be educated from birth? Your answer doesn't make much sense to me. It sounds as if you were just blurting out words to get support while avoiding the question all together. If I'm wrong just let me know your answer then.

Posted by Rodrico on Mar-07-2005 22:39:

Screw that, I have the perfect plan! My kids are gonna think im a geek or loser because all parents usually are, so then when I find out what drugs he does, im gonna surprise him by telling him I do them (which I will anyways), I will act like an idiot and embarrass him while on these drugs so that he will completely be turned off from doing drugs, and never end up like his ol' pops. In the end, this is a win-win situation for me, because my kid will hate drugs and I will be high as a mofo.

Posted by fiya on Mar-07-2005 23:35:

uh hell ya i would discourage my kids from using drugs. telling them to look at ozzy osborne and asking whether or not they want to end up like that would be enough eheh.

Posted by milos on Mar-07-2005 23:46:

Posted by DJ_Elyot on Mar-08-2005 01:57:

Never done drugs. Never wanted to. I know my parents have done them, but I really don't care. It's not something that I'm interested in doing.

Posted by DigiNut on Mar-08-2005 02:15:

quote:
Originally posted by Rodrico
Screw that, I have the perfect plan! My kids are gonna think im a geek or loser because all parents usually are, so then when I find out what drugs he does, im gonna surprise him by telling him I do them (which I will anyways), I will act like an idiot and embarrass him while on these drugs so that he will completely be turned off from doing drugs, and never end up like his ol' pops. In the end, this is a win-win situation for me, because my kid will hate drugs and I will be high as a mofo.

Hahahaha, that almost sounds like it would work, except I believe it's been shown that kids with alcoholic parents often turn out to be alcoholics... so you might want to rethink that plan.

quote:
Originally posted by b4k-oz
Have you forgotten what it was like to be a kid?

Kids do make their own choices. No parent ever makes it for them.

Exception is: If a kid has ultra strict parents...and in my eyes those are the dangerous parents that subject their kids to mental abuse too.

I'm curious to know, how you propose to help your children make educated choices if you don't provide the education or the guidelines? Do you think they'll just miraculously be educated from birth? Your answer doesn't make much sense to me. It sounds as if you were just blurting out words to get support while avoiding the question all together. If I'm wrong just let me know your answer then.

Uhh, maybe I misunderstood his response, but I interpreted it as meaning that he plans to teach his kids everything he knows about them, positive and negative, and let them decide what to do about it. It's called Harm Reduction.

Posted by St_Andrew on Mar-08-2005 03:50:

quote:
Originally posted by DigiNut
+1

+2

if digi's interperation is right that is

Posted by dance2dabeat on Mar-08-2005 03:56:

and if you were anything like me when growing up...the more my parents said "No" the more I wanted to do it..just to rebel.

haha...yup I am a brat...but all I have to say is that I broke the ice for my younger siblings....as my parents aren't strict as they once were.

I so can't even imagine having kids of my own knowing the kind of shit they can get into. I don't even want to think about it at this point in my life.

Posted by b4k-oz on Mar-08-2005 04:37:

quote:
Originally posted by St_Andrew
+2

if digi's interperation is right that is

DigiNut has no authority to interpret or answer for Samhouse. Only Samhouse can answer the question.

So before you start saying +2, maybe you should decide whether you actually want to contribute an opinion or just follow and agree.

Posted by Jem_hadar on Mar-08-2005 05:36:

Posted by DigiNut on Mar-08-2005 05:41:

quote:
Originally posted by b4k-oz
DigiNut has no authority to interpret or answer for Samhouse.

Neither do you, so maybe you should think about that before making assumptions about what people mean and getting in their faces about it.

Is there something wrong with affirming the opinions of someone who's already summed up what you wanted to say? Is that against your conversational regulations?

Posted by b4k-oz on Mar-08-2005 05:50:

quote:
Originally posted by DigiNut
Neither do you, so maybe you should think about that before making assumptions about what people mean and getting in their faces about it.

Is there something wrong with affirming the opinions of someone who's already summed up what you wanted to say? Is that against your conversational regulations?

Whatever your problem is DigiNut, keep it to yourself.
My question was directed to Samhouse, I never asked you to get in my face and interpret for him.
Since I never said I had authority to speak for samhouse, I asked him to ellaborate. You were the one that decided to interpret for him, therefore the only one making assumptions here is you.

As for your insinuation that I am getting in peoples faces, well then your entitled to your opinion...but your reputation speaks for itself.

As to your positive last paragraph....why don't you save it for the next person you want to argue with you. I'm not interested.

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