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Guide for taking dumps at Work.
THE GUIDE FOR TAKING DUMPS AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an Escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop
log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an
Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
I rarely ever took dumps at work when I worked in an office. But the few times I did over the 5 years I always used the handycapped stall since it was the biggest & in the back of the other stalls in the row. But one time I go to the handycapped stall & right before I was about to sit down I realize there is ass spray all over the back of the tiolet seat. Almost made me puke. It was very hard to recover & dump in that office again.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jonSun I rarely ever took dumps at work when I worked in an office. But the few times I did over the 5 years I always used the handycapped stall since it was the biggest & in the back of the other stalls in the row. But one time I go to the handycapped stall & right before I was about to sit down I realize there is ass spray all over the back of the tiolet seat. Almost made me puke. It was very hard to recover & dump in that office again. |
woot for scat I guess.
i've read this before but it is still so damn funny...i almost cry from laughing so hard.
in b4dalock
| quote: |
| Originally posted by dj_bas in b4dalock |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jonSun I rarely ever took dumps at work when I worked in an office. But the few times I did over the 5 years I always used the handycapped stall since it was the biggest & in the back of the other stalls in the row. But one time I go to the handycapped stall & right before I was about to sit down I realize there is ass spray all over the back of the tiolet seat. Almost made me puke. It was very hard to recover & dump in that office again. |
last time this was posted i killed the thread with a picture from ratemypoo.com hahaha...i'll be nice and not do it again 
fucking n00bz just put toilet tissue in the toilet before you take a dump.
stops splash back and noises.
didnt you ever learn about acoustics
and i'm sorry, but if i come in to the bathroom to take a piss...and you're on the shitter and start making a lot of fucking noise squeezing out turds...that shit is nasty!! you gotta hold out until i finish and get out because really...
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Jake Conlon fucking n00bz just put toilet tissue in the toilet before you take a dump. stops splash back and noises. didnt you ever learn about acoustics |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jonSun But it keeps the smell. NOOB. |
gee i am those type of people that only use the rest room at home, apart from pissing of course.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by daydreamer gee i am those type of people that only use the rest room at home, apart from pissing of course. |
its like your sleeping pattern.
you have to train yourself.
nex time you need a shit at 3:00pm during work time hold it in until 7:00pm or until your at home, the take it do this every time you need a shit then you will have been trained.
I take a dump on teh company time! 
So i get paid for it! 
i once was in a foreign country, guatemala.
didn't poop for close to a week. the nastiest toilets!!!
might as well been outhouses. had to wait to get to a decent hotel.
i also wasn't really pigging out. sparesly ate. lost a couple of pounds over the 2 week period stay.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Xenocreator_PG_ I take a dump on teh company time! So i get paid for it! |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Jake Conlon i slaute you never thoufght of that company gives me 100 excel docs to ype up i give you a foot long shit that takes 30 minutes to flush |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Jake Conlon obviously you are the ultimate noob and you dont work as they have fans or air freshner in toilets now go suck your thumb and wank yourself. ye fuck off. |
I used to have issues with it. But now I don't give a shit (pardon the pun). Who cares? I'll admit I do try to leave when no-one is there but fuck it just a body function, don't like hearing other peoples but mine? Can't avoid it really.
ever seen one of theseon a stall?
LOL
Re: Guide for taking dumps at Work.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Xenocreator_PG_ THE GUIDE FOR TAKING DUMPS AT WORK We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an Escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (used in conjunction with ESCAPEE) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. |
i never laughed so hard in my life 
But say your at work, you'll be stinking of shitty farts. One way to make a name for yourself.
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