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simpsons quotes
"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one."
Homer
"Marge, I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming."
Homer
OK!
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.
APU: " I HAVE KINDLY ASKED YOU MANY TIMES NOT TO OPEN UP MY MERCHANDISE!!! YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO KINDLY, ASK YOU NOT TO OPEN UP MY MERCHANDISE AGAIN!"
APU: thank you, come again. 
Homer: mmmmm donuts mmmmm...*drools*
homer: bart, when a woman say nothing is wrong it means EVERYTHING is wrong.
homer: daaaaaaauhhh!!!
"Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist but he is not a porn star."
"Homer (drunk): Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk and the fat guy. Oh, how I loathe him."
"Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by GrimReaper "Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist but he is not a porn star." "Homer (drunk): Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk and the fat guy. Oh, how I loathe him." "Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get." |
Lisa: Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for opportunity?
Homer: Yes. Crisitunity!
"Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!"
"Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"
"Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden."
"Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely."
"Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."
homer: You Did whaaaaaaaaaaat? 
mr. burns: excellent!
Homer: "i love you boy"
Bart: "haha, you love a boy"
"Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
Leonard Nimoy: I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: Of course I do. Werent you one of the little rascals.
Mayor Quimby: Now I'd like to introduce the Prophet of Love, Larry White.
Barry White: It's Barry White.
Mayor Quimby: No, the card says Larry White.
Barry White: I think I know my own name.
Mayor Quimby: Yeah, well we'll just see about that.
Homer: I�m normally not a praying man, but if you�re up there, please save me Superman.
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns... I believe you have a letter for me.
Mail clerk: Well Mr. Burns, what�s your first name?
Homer: I.... Don�t... know...
(Speaking over emergency radio)
Marge: Chief Wiggum? my husbands gone crazy and is trying to murder my family; OVER
Chief Wiggum: oh, well thank good thats over, i starting to worry there....
Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir. Market research says people see you as something of an Ogre.
Mr. Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones.
Krusty the Clown: Hey kids, want to see Krusty's expensive new suit? HIS SEXUAL HARASSMENT SUIT....hahahahaha....ohhhhhh.
Lionel Hutz: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer.
Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
(Loudspeaker in Kwik-E-Mart): SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!!!
gotta love em'
Mr. Burns: What country is that over there, it just screams capitalism.
Smithers: That�s Cuba sir.
Mr. Burns: Ok, land the plane Smithers.
Smithers: Sir, you're flying?!
Mr. Burns: Excellent...
SMITHERS: Sir, why don't you use your ATM card?
BURNS: Ah yes, the Automated Tellarmachiniolatrolamaton.
Homer over the phone: YOU CANT PUT ME ON HOLD, I'LL PUT YOU ON HOLD!
Marge; Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so...
bart: grandpa, i got a joke that'll make you pee your pants!
grandpa: too late!
Leprechaun: Good job, Ralphie m'boy. Now you know what you must do: burn them, burn them all!
Homer: Hey, gimme one of those big famous austrailian beers.
[bartender puts huge can of beer on bar, to Homer's disappointment]
Bartender: What's wrong, Yank?
"Well, it's pretty big.."
Moe: This thing can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds
Homer: 40 seconds? But I want it now.
Homer: Save me Jebus
Homer: I'm not not licking toads
Group: Homer, Homer, he's our man, if he can't do it no one can!
Carl: He's done for!
Moe: let's get out of here, before they're finished feeding!
Ralph: "It tastes like....burning"
snake:
"alright.....time for a crime spree"
"apu, whos guarding the kwikemart?"
"alright, im taking this thing to mexico!"
haha
i love the comic book guy too
but cant be bothered listing all the lines
If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid then I guess I'm just gonna have to stop doing stupid things!
Homer: "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one"
Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe)"
Homer: "Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."
Homer: "Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender."
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