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Detroit TA's Almost Killed by Drunk Detroiter
3 Sober Detroiters Almost Killed By Drunk Detroiter on I-75
So no shit, there we are (Kabelicious, Silverfox, punkangel) drinking north on I-75 towards Royal Oak with a load of 'Licious's stuff in a large cargo van (which is owned by Laadaa's dad).
When this dumb ass Detroit drunk cracked-out batty ass driver in a large gold New Yorker swerved into the middle lane where we were driving. Then she feels the need to clip us from the rear and cause us to join her in swerving. While swerving, then she felt the need to go ahead, panic, and fishtail her vehicle's rear end into the side of the van. Causing us to take a flight path directly at the embankment of I-75. Causing us to crash headfirst into the embankment at 70 mph. Causing us to roll approximately three times. Causing the windshield and side windows to burt inwards with all the dirt of the embankment (which we ate along with glass). After the vehicle had stopped flipping and we ended up right side up (there was momentary fear of being suspended upside down), we all exited and began our own versions of "are we okay? are you okay? what the FUCK?!".
Some very nice people stopped and tended to our surficial cuts, bruises, and shaking fits while cuddled into a ball. They also gave us Coca Cola. A very hot women's pro golfer took care of 'Licious - she would like to note. Silverfox meanwhile was a rock - literally (when I mean the man gets out of the van CALMLY and all this while he has a chuck of arm missing). Naturally, the onlookers were concerned and told him to put a compress on. Meanwhile, punkangel was on the phone with Laadaa when it was taken from her by the off-duty cop behind us (note: her face is covered in blood from the multiple cuts and abrasions on the face). Soon after po-po special forces and the ambulance arrived, punkangel was put on stretcher and taken to hospital (note: Silverfox rode in the back of the ambulance, holding punkangel's hand, (and for missing parts of his arm). Meanwhile, back at the site, 'Licious had uncurled from her human rollypolly position and taken watch of the van which had the following in it: my bed, my dresser, my antique 1900's vanity with mirror......well.......no more mirror, my DVD's/VHS's, my clothes (all that weren't hanging in the closet), my bedding, my mini bookcases, my frame for bed, my wine glasses, my picutres (framed), my lamps, my native carvings from Bali, MY JEWELRY.....you get the picture. They towed it to an undisclosed location (for ransom) which gets to be inspected on the 'morrow (did I mention my birth certificate, passport, deed to my car, you get the point in it were in there too?).
Mother 'Licious arrived and took Little 'Licious to the hospital where Silverfox and punkangel were waiting. Punkangel (who's left side was going numb) was taken to ICU with cat-scans and x-rays on the way (she also got morphine, lucky bitch). Silverfox was told to sit many, many, many, MANY times until finally he was ordered to for being buzzy. 'Licious entered hospital to immediatly be told to strip and had a neck brace put on (why on earth Silverfox escaped this torment is beyond us). After waiting about 1-2 hours, they finally examine the boo-booed duo and declared it ok to remove the neck brace but confidently told both our heroes that they might be subject to a rectal exam (this is for real, I swear!). Both said "Um.....NO!" and resisted the anal probe successfully.
After this, they wheeled 'Licious away for x-rays. The first question she was asked was "Is there any chance you're pregnant?" To which 'Licious responded "No, it's been waaaaay too long to worry about that". And of course, the nurse (assuming Silverfox is her beau) replies "Oh, that's too bad - he's a cute one". Enter 'Licious's mad laughing spree and "oh, he's not my boyfriend - more like best friend/roomie". The nurse, totally not believing a word of this, says "uh-huh, roomie, eh?".
Meanwhile, Silverfox is about to get his chuck of missing flesh hole in his arm cleaned prior to x-ray (insert: Silverfox is deathly, panic-inducing afraid of needles and shots). Mother 'Licious stayed behind to watch over him and asked if lying down on the bed might be better than sitting on the stool. Silverfox declined and moments later turned ash white and passed out. Needless to say, he got up and laid down in a bed. Once in bed, they proceeded to clean the hole and remove chucks of glass from it (did you know you can tell windshield glass from door glass? It's greenish!). Once cleansed, x-ray picked up Duder Silverfox. Silverfox enters x-ray room to be greeted by extremely feminine man (you know the type) who proceeds to tell him about his vehicle which he blew his headgasket on (he he - he said head) and winks at him. At this time he is told to put the penis sheild over his boys rather than risk mutation. Two x-rays are taken and he is escorted back to waiting for fucking ever HQ.
'Licious is discharged with awesome muscle-relaxer prescription (final verdict: her back is fucked and muscles are pissed with minor cuts and scrapes). Silverfox was once again cleaned throughly (missed the ears though) and literally scubbed with a brush to clean out remaining dirt and glass. Then he recieved 11 priceless stitches that proudly display the doctor's initials (he brands his bitches). At that time, Silverfox is discharged and they ventured forth to find punkangel.
They found her merrily morphine induced butt singing "You are My Sunshine, my only sunshine" and bitching over the indignity of having your clothes removed as she was given a rectal exam (she didn't dodge that bullet). "What? No Foreplay?" was her comment at time of exam. All in all, she seemed pretty perky and the doctors were awaiting her cat-scan to come back. At that time, Silverfox and 'Licious left the hospital for the Shanty in Royal Oak for pizza, pop, and smokey treats. LOTS OF SMOKEY TREATS.
No further info on punkangel at this time but she was lookin' good when we left.
Oh and by the way, the lady who hit us? SHE NEVER STOPPED. SHE JUST KEPT ON DRIVING. So if you see a gold New Yorker circa 1997 with a 35-45 year old black woman at the wheel and her front end and back corner are smashed up, get her plates and fucking call us. We have many things we'd like to "discuss" with her.
Thank you very much, we'll keep you updated.
'Licious and Silverfox
P.S. And 'Licious still has to move the rest of her crap by this coming Saturday or it's gone.
In the end, I hate accidents and this is def the worst I've ever been in. Jason and I are okay - but don't expect me to be a long-distance runner the next week or so. My back is wrenched - Jason lots a hunk of arm and our friend Toni is just getting out of the hospital - we hope. She was the worst injured and the only one not wearing a seatbelt.
So wear your seatbelt, kids, and remember - beware Drunk Bi-atches and always avoid the rectal probe.
Kris, smokin' and watching the Waterboy
holy FACK thats a story! Glad all of you are all alive!! I hope the cops are looking for that fuckin car, checking out the databases and shit to catch this ******! Thats friggin insane!!!!! omg, just glad your all alive and pretty much all okay!
Its crazy how one drunk idiot almost took 3 people out of this world just boom like that, wow 
OMG Kris! That's one crazy story! SOOOOO glad to hear you're ok & still have a sense of humor about it (is it those pain killers? 
). I hope the police release this 'driver wanted' info to the media, so someone can turn her stupid crackhead ass in!!! 
In fact, I'd call the media myself, if I were you.
Take care & recover well.
P.S. Pics or STFU! 
(I wanna see those stitches!)
Kris I was glad to hear you're alright - hope you get all your priceless belongings back soon.
Prayin' for you guys here in Toronto.
- Chris
Holy Fucking Hell, Kris.
Glad to hear everyone's alright. 
FAAAAK
Glad you are OK
Re: Detroit TA's Almost Killed by Drunk Detroiter
| quote: |
| Originally posted by kabelicious So no shit, there we are (Kabelicious, Silverfox, punkangel) drinking north on I-75 towards Royal Oak with a load of 'Licious's stuff in a large cargo van (which is owned by Laadaa's dad). |
OMG KRis, im so glad your ok! you and your friends. that is fucking horrible. wow -- unbelieveable.
thank god yall made it out alive and i hope to jesus that the ****** who caused this is caught. i cannot believe they never stopped!
un-fucking-believable!
-=Jem=-
Hey Kris,
So happy to hear that this is the worst that happened and that you all are at least mostly ok.
That is such a terrible thing to happen and talk about adding salt to the wounds to have the other person drive away.
I reallyhope they catch them!
Here's to a speedy and full recovery!
I'm so sorry to hear what happened, Kris
That's really sad because you are an awesome girl that is built to dance...anyway I hope I didn't rub it in by saying that; I'm just really sad and shocked to hear that!
Did you get my voice message that I left you a while back? I want to call you...
Please update us when the catch that psycho bitch. Also, although swerving randomly like that is very logically the result of being under the influence, because the person wasn't caught we don't really know whether she was drunk, right? Just wondering because I thought maybe I was missing something 
I have to say though that I really loved the way you wrote that post; focusing on humour and positivity. Well done! 
Hope you get better soon girl!
The next time (I hope there will be a next time ) you twirl those LED lights for me will be a special moment! *tear*
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fayraree I'm so sorry to hear what happened, Kris That's really sad because you are an awesome girl that is built to dance...anyway I hope I didn't rub it in by saying that; I'm just really sad and shocked to hear that! Did you get my voice message that I left you a while back? I want to call you... Please update us when the catch that psycho bitch. Also, although swerving randomly like that is very logically the result of being under the influence, because the person wasn't caught we don't really know whether she was drunk, right? Just wondering because I thought maybe I was missing something I have to say though that I really loved the way you wrote that post; focusing on humour and positivity. Well done! Hope you get better soon girl!The next time (I hope there will be a next time ) you twirl those LED lights for me will be a special moment! *tear* |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Jem_hadar ^^^ Gotta love this guy. Cheers Fay.... and again, all the best to Kris and company! Be well.... -=Jem=- |
) and thank God I've never had more than a scrape or bruise in any of them. The way Kris described it in such detail really hit it home for me and reminded me of stuff I've been through...
oh shit, I'm so sorry to hear this kris...what a shitty way to move out to your new place.
I'm glad that it sounds like everyone will come out of this one ok. Can't say I've ever been in a bad car accident, but again, i'm real sorry to hear this.
Hey all, thank you for the kind words - we just woke up after a serious night of movies and smoking. I feel like I've been hit by a - oh no wait, I was. 
Seriously, we're okay - going to the lot to check out and take pictures of all my stuff that was crushed and mangled. I'm very glad my stuff bore the brunt of the crash - turns out having everything packed in so dense in the van helped us keep rolling rather than become crushed by the van flipping so amen for having lots of stuff! Bad news is it's almost all ruined - bed, dresser, my great-grandmother's vanity, movies, bedding, etc. Good news is insurance should cover it all and everyone should be dancing again soon.
Love to all of you - we wanted to tell the story once rather than a million times over so we smoked a little and put together our "tale of woe". I'm glad we can laugh at it - that alone is good.
omg - dood I am so happy to hear u r alive. sorry to hear about the news - pass along my well wishes to the others please...hugz
WOW! That's quite the accident that happened. I'm glad to hear that you guys are all alive and not badly hurt!!
Drunk driving...biggest pet peeve of mine. In fact, it's more than a pet peeve. Be careful everyone!!! I know we've all heard it a million times...but don't drink and drive!!! The next time could be your last...or someone elses
Wow, scary! So many stupid people out there! Glad you're all alive and recovering!
I am very sorry for your misfortune. I am glad nothing worse happened. I hope that woman gets caught and gets what's coming to her.
Here's to a speedy recovery.
HOLY FUCK!!!!
I'm so glad you're okay
Thank God you're OK
WOW.....good thing you guys are all ok!
This is why ppl that drink and drive need stricter punishments....innocent ppl always end up in a worse situation then the person that was dumb enough to get behind the wheel drunk
OMFG....
I feel like such a jackass for the times I drove when I should not have.
Glad you are ok.
OMG this story brings back SUCH bad memories...
one of my friends drove drunk in highschool...he was such a hottie...he ran a stop sign, hit another driver, killed the guy, and was in a coma for a month...now he has a severely disfigured face, head (no hair in many places), and body (his spine, hip, and knee are held together by metal and screws) and he has lost toes, and has fake teeth. He is such a mess. I swear I do not know one of my friends who has driven drunk since than night. Such a sad thing.
I guess it takes one bad accident to wake up a whole school!! Wish it didn't have to be that way
Kris: Soo happy to hear everyone is ok, and that insurance will cover your things!! Its so unfortunate that things like this even happen! I wonder if that lady even remembers that she did all that?
See - this is why I'm always concerned about booze-hounds driving when we go out!
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!
------------------------
I am very relieved to hear that you are all safe and sound. Rest up and heal - take the time to do it now or it will take forever. As always - you know were here to help with anything if needed.
Be well.. See y'all soon.
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