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Posted by DjWoody on Sep-01-2005 20:24:

REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS

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REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY �40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN� MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE

Sexually-frustrated Star Trek and Star Wars fans sue Universal, ask for restraining order

Hollywood - The new movie �The 40-Year-Old Virgin� will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they�ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress.

Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. �I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,� said Brownfield. �Then, this one guy I can�t stand in shipping turns to me and says, �Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it�s right up your alley.� Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn�t even watch the new episode of �Battlestar Galactica� that night.�

Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy�s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three.

�People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me �Andy,�� said an emotional Brownfield. �People at the office know that I�ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven�t felt this bad since �Episode I.��

�It�s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,� said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. �I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.�

Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit.

�We don�t think it�s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,� said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. �This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can�t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?�

Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky.

�I�m so glad I�m still 39,� said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the �Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith� videogame online. �One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.�

Posted by Carriegsxr6 on Sep-01-2005 20:38:

This one definatly looks like a riot.

Posted by sweetcandy girl on Sep-01-2005 20:41:

With that gid-up no wonder why he hasn't gotten any Time too turn off the computer and snap out of Star treck world and back into reality!

I am not even going to touch the 39 still living with Mommy issue!

Posted by Tigo on Sep-01-2005 21:18:

heeey.....thats not cool guys......im still a virgin

Posted by bas on Sep-01-2005 21:20:

that picture is so badly photoshopped

Posted by DJFaded on Sep-01-2005 22:20:

quote:
Originally posted by sweetcandy girl
I am not even going to touch the 39 still living with Mommy issue!

what about the 29 still living with mommy issue????

Posted by Junior Chavez on Sep-02-2005 00:19:

quote:
Originally posted by DJFaded
what about the 29 still living with mommy issue????

lol say it aint so mike!

and ummm i saw that movie. it was really funny... the article says it will be released next week? o.0

Posted by Junior Chavez on Sep-02-2005 00:24:

Posted by DJFaded on Sep-02-2005 00:47:

I take the utmost pride at the fact that I am almost 30 and can still live off my parents. that is called being smart! why would I want to venture out into the real world where I have to start paying all my own bills????

Posted by Junior Chavez on Sep-02-2005 00:48:

quote:
Originally posted by DJFaded
I take the utmost pride at the fact that I am almost 30 and can still live off my parents. that is called being smart! why would I want to venture out into the real world where I have to start paying all my own bills????

lol no comment