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Let the joke war begin
Right ... so there's a kiwi, a welshman and an aussie all walking home from the pub one night. They've had a few and none of them have managed to score a root ...
Anyway they're walking down this country lane and they spot a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The kiwi looks sideways at the others ... the welshman pretends not to look interested ... the Aussie shuffles his feet ... finally the kiwi says "well fuck, I can't resist, I'm gonna go and root that sheep".
So the kiwi walks over to the sheep, drops his trousers and gives it a good seeing to. He comes back, zips up his fly, claps the welshman on the shoulder and says
'thuts a good root I ruckon you oughta fill yur boots mate'.
The welshman's up for it of course, so he goes over and gives the sheep some good lovin' as well.
The welshman comes back and says to the Aussie 'Your turn now mate ... on you go my son'.
The Aussie looks a bit embarrassed and says 'Oh, I couldn't, I'll leave that sort of thing up to you guys'.
The kiwi says encouragingly 'Go on mate, it's great fun'
"Oh no, I really don't think I should ... everyone will laugh at me"
"No mate it's great fun, we promise we won't tell"
"Oh well, OK then as long as you promise not to tell"
So after a bit more encouraging and cajoling, the Aussie finally agrees to go and have a go. He looks up and down the road to make sure no one's looking ... sidles over to the sheep ... drops his trousers ...
... bends over and sticks his head in the fence!!
MUAHAHAHA ... Bring it on
woahahahahahahahaha stupid aussie 
heheh.. aaaahhhhhhh feck off ya derkhids
LMFAO!!! You dirty klutz!! heh heh
conclusive evidence
^^^^^^^^
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!
oh crap, i'm laughing so much
HAHA This one was really bizarre...
An Aussie was in New Zealand walking around, taking in the natural scenery of the beautiful country, when he came across a kiwi farmer having sex with a sheep. Being Australian, he naturally was unsure as to what exactly was going on, so he asked, tentatively:
"What kind of sheep is that?"
The kiwi, noticably annoyed at the interuption, replied, sheepishly (excuse the pun): "It's a merino. The finest sheep there is."
The Australian, still taken aback, uttered: "Oh really, do you shear them for profit then?"
"No", the kiwi said "I don't shear them at all - go find yer own!"
A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
And finally.....
How does a kiwi find a sheep in long grass?
Pleasurable.
Hehe..
What�s with the Kiwis??
This policeman in Darwin walks out in the street and sees an aussie coming down the street with nothing on but his akubra hat, stockwhip and his boots.
So the copper arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up he asks " Why in the world are you dressed like this'?
Aussie: " Well it's like this ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her.... and I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, . .so I did ....
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants So I did...
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...So I did...
Then she gets on the bed and says: "Now go to town cowboy"
... "So here I am."
And there was this one time.....
At Band Camp......
I hope the irony is not lost 
--djway
Why do they call a papsmear a papsmear???
If they called it a c**t scrape, no one would get them 
And
Whats better than winning a gold medal in the "special olympics"??
Not being retarted.
I thought I would choose some nice tasteful jokes to start with. :P
bump?
| quote: |
| Originally posted by escee bump? |
and I just felt like adding my 2 cents worth of rude jokes
Latest in kiwi bedroom accessories...
The Velcro Gloves are a great option for riders that have a hard time maintaining their grip of the handle bars. The gloves do the �gripping� for them. They are made of a flexible, breathable material.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Renegade An Aussie was in New Zealand walking around, taking in the natural scenery of the beautiful country, when he came across a kiwi farmer having sex with a sheep. Being Australian, he naturally was unsure as to what exactly was going on, so he asked, tentatively: "What kind of sheep is that?" The kiwi, noticably annoyed at the interuption, replied, sheepishly (excuse the pun): "It's a merino. The finest sheep there is." The Australian, still taken aback, uttered: "Oh really, do you shear them for profit then?" "No", the kiwi said "I don't shear them at all - go find yer own!" A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?' And finally..... How does a kiwi find a sheep in long grass? Pleasurable. |
fark mega bump!
an irishman walks into a bar.
says 'ouch'.
two irishman walk into a bar.
bartender says 'you'd have thought one of them would have seen it!'.
an irishman, a kiwi and an elephant walk into a bar.
bartender yells 'what is this, a joke?!?'
this email has been floating around for a while:
Question: How do you define globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death
Why??
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was pissed on Scottish whiskey,
followed closely by an Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American
doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by an
Australian, using an American's (Bill Gates') technology which he
stole from the Taiwanese.
Two cows are standing in a paddock.
One says "Moo!"
The other says ...
"You bastard, I was going to say that!"
Cant leave out these ones
What�s the latest Irish Invention?
Fire proof matches
Powder water just add water
Eject seat in a helicopter
Keep adding lol....
Why did the Irish man dig three holes??
First two weren�t deep enough
i can't believe i laughed at that last one. 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jeronemango Cant leave out these ones What�s the latest Irish Invention? Fire proof matches Powder water just add water Eject seat in a helicopter Keep adding lol.... Why did the Irish man dig three holes?? First two weren�t deep enough |
What nationality is Mr sheen ?
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Polish
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