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-- Is HONESTY the best policy?
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Is HONESTY the best policy?

I am sure most of us would agree that honesty is the best policy, but what if the honesty serves no purpose?

eg: What is the purpose of telling someone that the person they broke up with is now getting married so soon... is there a purpose in being honest? Especially if that person is ready to move on with out this knowledge...?

She_Fitz came up with some fabulous rules to be honest...

1) If it's the truth
2) If it serves a purpose
3) If it's good

IMO, good words to go by...

Not everyone would agree I am sure...

Thoughts...?

Always tell the truth but at times people don't need to know the "whole" truth.

Choose your words

There is a way of being honest but also being mindful of the persons feelings if it is something they may not want to hear

Well in this occasion, your keeping something from someone not to hurt their feelings but this can also be a double edhed sword cuz on one hand your doing good not to hurt that person but on the other think about how hurt that person is gonna be when they find out that u knew all along and didn't tell them.

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Originally posted by yankeeBaby Choose your words There is a way of being honest but also being mindful of the persons feelings if it is something they may not want to hear

I agree with you 100%

It's not constructive, but hurtful if you choose negative words...

Some people would say, "hey, I am just being honest", but there is ways not be to be mean and hurtful and still be honest... IMO

people claim to want honesty but the truth is that they only want an honest answer if it is comfortable for them to hear. Many times telling someone the truth about a situation or giving them an honest answer can be the worst harm you can do to them.

honesty has never gotten me any good.

mostly cos my honest reasons seem most absurd to the listener

All very good points especially about using the right words AND you also have to choose the right moment!

You can look at it another way... sure the truth may be hurtful now and not have any purpose, BUT will it be worse if the truth was found out later, maybe from other people and at bad time. I think keeping the truth from someone who cares and trusts you can be more hurtful than the truth itself.

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Originally posted by Moral Hazard people claim to want honesty but the truth is that they only want an honest answer if it is comfortable for them to hear. Many times telling someone the truth about a situation or giving them an honest answer can be the worst harm you can do to them.

Honesty can always be put in a managable statement to the receiver.

Example: Someone goes too hard on the weekend...

a) tell them that you think they acted like a crackhead ..

or

b) tell them that you could tell by their actions that they overdid it on the weekend ..

I do believe that having a reputation of honesty does good in the long run. At least you're consistent and other people know what to expect from you. They may not like it, but they can respect you for your honesty.

Having said that, there are ways of being honest. Like others have said, choosing words carefully.
But on the other hand, don't blame the other guy for being honest when you ask questions such as, 'am I fat' when you're fat and the other guy tells you honestly that you're fat.

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Originally posted by EvilTree But on the other hand, don't blame the other guy for being honest when you ask questions such as, 'am I fat' when you're fat and the other guy tells you honestly that you're fat.

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Originally posted by EvilTree But on the other hand, don't blame the other guy for being honest when you ask questions such as, 'am I fat' when you're fat and the other guy tells you honestly that you're fat.

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Originally posted by Time2Burn Always tell the truth but at times people don't need to know the "whole" truth.

You hit it right on the head.

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Originally posted by EvilTree Having said that, there are ways of being honest. Like others have said, choosing words carefully. But on the other hand, don't blame the other guy for being honest when you ask questions such as, 'am I fat' when you're fat and the other guy tells you honestly that you're fat.

And what if you don't ask if you're fat, because you are happy with yourself, but in a discussion about clothes someone tells you, "hey, you looked fat that night, but I am just being honest..."

I believe this would be hurtful.. does not serve a purpose.. and should be warranted as negative behaviour...

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Originally posted by Killah Monkey And what if you don't ask if you're fat, because you are happy with yourself, but in a discussion about clothes someone tells you, "hey, you looked fat that night, but I am just being honest..." I believe this would be hurtful.. does not serve a purpose.. and should be warranted as negative behaviour...

I agree. That's being not tactful.

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Originally posted by EvilTree I agree. That's being not tactful.

And the only way to respond to a comment like that is to be happy with yourself and let that person know that you are happy.

Big steps for 2006 I think

quote:

Originally posted by Killah Monkey And what if you don't ask if you're fat, because you are happy with yourself, but in a discussion about clothes someone tells you, "hey, you looked fat that night, but I am just being honest..." I believe this would be hurtful.. does not serve a purpose.. and should be warranted as negative behaviour...

And obviously being said for some other reason or to intentionally be hurtful not JUST because the person "wants to be honest".

"Being honest" is sometimes used as a veil for people who just want to hurt others and be neagtive and make themselves feel better about themselves in some twisted way.

*** I am in NO WAY implying that this is the case with the original post - just making a general observation

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Originally posted by ** TigerLily ** And obviously being said for some other reason or to intentionally be hurtful not JUST because the person "wants to be honest". "Being honest" is sometimes used as a veil for people who just want to hurt others and be neagtive and make themselves feel better about themselves in some twisted way. *** I am in NO WAY implying that this is the case with the original post - just making a general observation

It is hard to be on the receiving end trying to understand the person who is sending it...

quote:

Originally posted by yankeeBaby Choose your words There is a way of being honest but also being mindful of the persons feelings if it is something they may not want to hear

True. The person would rather find out from a friend. But the friend should be tactful and provide support no matter what the outcome.

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Originally posted by Killah Monkey It is hard to be on the receiving end trying to understand the person who is sending it...

Very true... communication is so tricky. especially through email/MSN/forums when things can get totally messed up because tone/body language etc isn't present.

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Originally posted by ** TigerLily ** Very true... communication is so tricky. especially through email/MSN/forums when things can get totally messed up because tone/body language etc isn't present.

I meant trying to understand the reasoning behind someone telling you something hurtful... what does it accomplish by saying it?

Anywho, trying to see the positive in the negative for 2006...and keeping distance from the consistent negative influences...

Seems to be a good start...

i'd rather have people tell me straight up whatever then sugarcoat it.

but small white lies sometimes can do much more that truth, if its nothing big.

if its important then cold, naked truth is the way to go

I think it's possible to be human-sensitive in how you deliver info/news without jeopardizing the honesty of it.

you shouldn't have to sacrifice honesty to make someone feel better but there are ways to handle things for sure... I wouldn't keep info from a person asking for it - however I may choose not to volunteer info that is not specifically asked for... I don't consider that dishonest, is that wrong? Maybe I need to change my ways!

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Originally posted by daves I think it's possible to be human-sensitive in how you deliver info/news without jeopardizing the honesty of it. you shouldn't have to sacrifice honesty to make someone feel better but there are ways to handle things for sure... I wouldn't keep info from a person asking for it - however I may choose not to volunteer info that is not specifically asked for... I don't consider that dishonest, is that wrong? Maybe I need to change my ways!

I think that is generous of you....

Again, if the information does not serve a purpose and is hurtful, why offer the comment unless requested?

What does it do other than hurt the other person's feelings and put someone down?

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Originally posted by Time2Burn Always tell the truth but at times people don't need to know the "whole" truth.

Just so everyone knows, there's a difference between honestly and being 'honest and entirely forthcoming.' I not sure, I think "candor" is the word.

Honestly is simply not lying or disceiving someone -- you don't have to be being entirely forthcoming with information.

ie.

If I see my recent ex and I ask her "How you doing?"

She says "Wonderful."

^^ Now, with that very basic example, say she was getting married and didn't mention it to me.

She hasn't been untruthful or not honest with me. I never asked her if she was getting married. She simply didn't mention it. She did not HAVE to mention why she was feeling so wonderful.

She was being entirely honest with me. She could have shown more forthcomingness by mentioning this significant event that was making her feel wonderful, if she had wanted to.

But as someone said, what purpose would that serve? Maybe she knew it'd upset me if I knew and was still trying ot get over her... or maybe she just didn't want to tell me for other reasons.

We just gotta make sure we distinguish between someone being truthful, and someone not being entirely forthcoming (w/o being deceiving).

Jem

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