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I Am Scared Outta My Mind

ok....I am sharing with you guys something VERY personal....VERY....

ok well...some of you might remember me dating a girl over the summer who i was madly in love with, then she left me...those who helped me...thanks again....BUT...she called me this afternoon and said she has to tell me something....so i am like ok...

So she tells me that while we were dating she had sex with another guy.....ok this in itself broke my heart...but thats not what this is about.....she tells me, that this guy told her, that he had slept with a girl i know who has HIV.....and they had unprotected sex...

So that means my ex-girl might have it...and inturn i might also....
So i rushed my self after she told me to my doctor...and he said that since the last time i was with her was 3 months ago that taking a test would tell me if i positive or negative..and be accurate...

I am completely scared out of my fucking mind right now...i dont think i have EVER been this scared in my life.....i dont know what to do if i have HIV...i am really scared....like crying scared.....

My doctor said the results will be in by next Wednesday or Thursday...i am going to be a wreck for a week...then when my results come in i am going to be worse...the day i walk into his office i am going to shaking and shit waiting foir my results....i dont know how i will react....i mean i know i will cry and be scared...but i might flip out...seriously....

I can't wait for my mom to get home so i can have her give me a hug...LOL...i am 24 and still get comfort from my mom's hugs....

if i have it...my life will be over ... i will die...no way around it...thats a really scary thought....i will never get married, never have kids, never grow old and end uo dying a dreadfully painful death....thats really fucking scary

Well i guess theres nothing i can do till next week except be scared and hope i am ok....i dont know why i shared this with you guys...but i did........

I know this is shit advice mate, but worrying about it wont change anything, best thing you can do it try and make the time go faster by putting it to the back of your mind and doing things you enjoy. See I told you it was shit advice Hope it all works out OK.

Good luck.

i'm sorry.......must suck right now, waiting for results......never easy. I guess it puts everything in perspective. I'm not saying anything more cause i've never known anyone who has had this happen with AIDS and HIV. So we are pulling for you.

L8tes
Andy

Hey man, your post gave me shivers. Dont u dare feeling sorry for wanting some hug from your mom right now. in fact contact with ur closest friends and family members is whats the most important thing right now. No, i dont speak out of experience either, but it hink that u may not isolate yourself, just spend this week with fmaily and friends, try to forget, maybe paint something, write..let time pass and try to forget.
i donno what to say else....
good luck of course!
keep us up to date, man..

oh man....i felt so shitty reading your post

well, i definitely hope the tests will come back in your favor (NEGATIVE ).....

well man keep your spirits up, and keep us updated!



as i remember the birthday smiles for me, these are "wish for the best" smiles for u!

>JM<

dude. i hope you are OK.

Hun...I know its tuff...a friend of mine went through something along the same lines a couple of yrs back. I know the week is gonna seem like an eternity...but honestly...don't worry about it too much. Your life may change with the results...but remember that your life is not over. People today live longer and healthier lives with HIV. I'll be keeping you in my prayers! Please let us know what happens!

make sure you post the results

oh and sorry to hear that

damn that i feel bad now after reeading this. stay optimistic about.
i really hope u will get great results about it. i dont know what to write anymore but hang in there. ill pray for u man. peace

dude, i got chills reading through your post. Damn this is terrible. Getting a hug from your mom is definately a good thing right now. You should spend some time with love ones and let them know how much you love them.

On a brighter note, I think things will turn out ok. Just keep your spirits up. You don't know for a fact that your gf have Hiv yet.

I'm praying for your test to come back negative. However, regardless whether they come back positive or negative, I see your life changing one way or the other.

Good luck, I hope everything works out well.

hey ...thank you ALL for your posts.....you may not know it but each and every post that was given gave me a real sense of comfort in a pain staking wait process....

i will DEFINATLEY keep you posted with my results...

basically there is not much i can do this week but sit and wait and be scared...hopefully i can come back on Wednesday or Thursday and tell you all i am negative...hopefully ...

THANK YOU ALL...so much for you thoughts and prayers...and please KNOW that each and everyone will be carried in my HEART for long time..they meant alot to me...

man i dont know what to say, except that if this would've happened to me, i would also be shit scared...many ppl. say that they're not afraid of death but when it comes down to it they get just as scared as any1 else

try to spend as much time with ur best friends and close family, its what i would do anyway

best luck and prayers with you

peace

This is awful man.

I can't imagine the suffering you're going through right now...... but just remember, whatever happens there's 7,500 people here, from all over the world, hoping for the best. Just don't forget that.

hey man,
i'm sorry to hear that. but i think i can offer words of help I actually had to do a study on this in college, and they had patients who had HIV come and speak to us, and really let us in on some information.

so, here goes..... First off, its a common misconception, that if you sleep with someone who has HIV, that *boom*, you automatically get it. Truth is, chances are only 25% that you would contract it.... It's just that if you get it, you have it... and its something you obviously want to avoid, so hence the media & schools putting the idea in your mind that once you have sex with someone who has HIV, that *boom*, you have it. Anyway, misconception, so cheer up.

Note #2: There are medications out there now that postpone the ill-effects of HIV (blocking the immune system). Remember, its not HIV that is deadly, its AIDS.... and HIV just LEADS to AIDS. But, there are supplements out there that are like steroids for your immune system. What does this mean? Well, it won't keep you alive forever, but it will prolong your life another 10 years or so. Why doesn't everyone who has HIV/AIDS take this and live longer? Because in order for this treatment to work, the disease has to be detected in its early stages. Problem is, most people (out of fear or lack of knowledge) do not get tested right away when they suspect.... out of fear they stay away from the doctor... only to find out its too late to begin the cycles. How will 10 years help your life? hey, thats ten more years for scientists to find a cure, buddy. That's like winning the lottery to some people.

My opinion on all this: Keep your chin up. I have been in the girlfriend sleeping with someone else situation before, and it made me want to throw up. I feel your pain. But look at it this way: this chick did you a favor by telling you this. She could have just been a bitch and keep it hidden, and you'd never know, and could possibly get f*cked.... she did you a favor, and went out of her way to call you and tell you... imagine how awkward it was for her... she is probably going through the same depression you are going through right now.. AND she had to admit she slept with someone else while you were going out.... Sure she's a bitch for doing that, but she's even stronger of a person for pulling herself together to tell you that.

Just be thankful that in the end, her good will prevailed. I know that sounds odd, but trust me here.

Don't stress it, just keep living your life like nothing's changed. And i would disagree with everyone's advice to hang out with all your friends and family "while you can" attitude... that only keeps the feeling of "i'm gonna die soon" in everyone's minds.... you don't want to act like you are gonna die tomorrow necessarily... because in reality, even if you DO test positive, you have a good 5+ years left (WORST case scenario - highly unlikely anyway).... and if this is the case, you still have to think about long term. If you live your life thinking that tomorrow is your last day, you will be depressed till the end. No point in that, bud. Continue college (or whatever you are striving for), think about long-term. That is what will keep you going!

Take care, and hope everything turns up ok.

-ABT-

You know I look at all the people who have posted to my awfult thread...and all the names i recognize....i know i havent been a TA for too long...but i feel as if we are a small familly.....

All of you always help each other out....you dont have to....you could of passed this thread by and not gotten involved...but you took your time to express your sympathy and thoughts and education to me.....you dont find that in many places...people like all of you have the qualities that i wish so many people possesed....you are all very genuine and this may sound a bit corny...but i hold precious people like you all deep inside me....

Just knowing you care without knowing me...and that we are all joined together through our music...brings tears to my eyes....

ABT your educational background on this helped alot....i appreciate it...

To ABT, Renegade, Spad, torontotrance, Juricimo, AnotherWay83
twilochik, TranceGiant, RavingLunatic, lMIlk, Trancewave,
and Slapskin....dont ever change...you are in a group of very few people in this world who care for others with out knowing them....this experience is changing me by each coming minute....my outlook on life and so many situations is changing as i dwell....i fell that no matter how this result comes out i will be a better person....its amazing how a situation like this can make you ponder on all thats in your life and all thats in your world in a matter of seconds and see things in a different light....

ABT-great post man...thats so true when i think abt it that way

tiesto14 man so thats good n00s for u!!!

look at magic johnson he has aids for 11 years now and keeps going. just wanted to point this out. dont worry ur gonna be fine like before. abt stated good facts there.

...





ok... i'm not good at being empathetic and shit, but i'll do my best to try and cheer you up so here goes...

number uno... i sure as hell hope you're going to be fine...


however, if shit happens and you by chance do get it, look at the brighter side... you can smoke the ganja legally... and you get that potent high-grade medical shit...

there's always an upside to the downs...

and if you don't rock the ganja, then hook me up




told you i was shit... and i hope i helped you feel better... if not... then someone quick, repair the damage i have done and i'll go back to my corner...

to DJ_Shockwav.....
............LOL.....dude that was GREAT...that was the first laugh i had all day...seriously....thanks.....i never thought of that... .....

LOL.....LOL

lol the 25% thing should make you feel better...and maybe you were too late on reading the condom thread i kid i kid

hahahahahahah shockwave thats was too funny...


BACK TO UR CORNER NOW!

Hey tiesto14

I usually get my dose of TA when I'm having breakfast, and your post almost made me choke. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and worries with the rest of us in this situation. You must feel terrible, and I'm not sure I would have had the strength to let everybody in on it.
As I've basically been blessed with never having deadly illnesses in my family or amongst friends, I can probably not fathom how awful you're feeling right now, but I feel that it's my duty as a student of mathematics to elaborate on ABTs 25% figure. As I understand it, you're the third link from that girl who is positive, which make your chances of attracting it somewhere around 1.5%. Of course it's hard to say if that is much (I mean I'm less than 0.1% of the members here, but still feel that's not equal to nothing), and in periods of emotional turbulence, I'd say be with your friends/family. Not because you wont see them again, but because looking into the eyes of someone and telling them all your worries is healthy, and something no amount of sympathy from us TAs can replace.

I really hope you get the negative test result, and look forward to hearing that.

I know we can only be support to you... that is the only help we can provide - nevertheless I hope we can cheer U up a little bit

I know about the problem with the girl last summer... everything is yet so fresh in my memory... I will not make any comments about the fact that she cheated on you (only the most despicable thing U can do in a relationship but anyway...), cause this is not the issue here. Anyway, the fact she has found the power to tell U that deserves a sort of admiration, of respect... anyway.

I try not to repeat what the peepz already tried to convince U already... ABT made a good post also... there is nothing that can be changed. there is only hope and prayer (although I am some kind of atheistic, I pray to God... I don't believe in religion and church but I do believe in a supreme force that.. anyway, that's a whole differenet discussion).

I wish all the best to U... and I must add I am shocked indeed. never thought something like that could happen to a person which - in some way - I know, that's within reach.

please keep us posted... sorry, i am so shocked I can't even put together all my thoughts about this situation

just the best of luck!

hyp

First of all, my sympathies go to Tiesto14.

Now for some reassuring info.
The chances of a male contracting HIV/AIDS from a female are EXTREMELY SLIM. WE are talking in the 0.001% areas. I watched this program about this husband and wife, and the wife had AIDS, and she didn' know and the husband had been sleeping with her for 3 yrs after she had contracted it, and he was fine. If you thinkabout it, in practical terms, it is easier to see why women contract HIV/AIDS than men.

Science and Chance is on your side Tiesto14.

well i know that this is the same thing that everyone else has said, but dude seriously don't worry about this, look even if it comes up postive and you do have HIV, the just look at all the people that have just HIV, it is not AIDS, just has the potential of turining into that, their are documented cases of people living out completly normal lives with HIV and it never develping into the AIDS virus. look man don't worry we are all here for you and will help you throught this shit in your life, good peice of advice listen to trance really really loud, it will keep you from thinking about this too much, and seriously we are all here for you

take care of your self,

Johnny

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