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my parents are getting divorced

so my parents are getting divorced.

my mom had sent me an email yesterday [she was too upset to actually call]. and my dad called me tonight.

basically the jist of things is that my dad feels he has "lost the love" and is feeling too depressed and helpless. it's been going on, apparently, for quite some time. it's been 15 months since my mom's surgery [hysterectomy] and she hasn't recovered fully yet [and is kind of far from it]. and he apparently just feels that he can't deal with that type of life. that he doesn't want to "die" next to my mom in their house.

it was so hard to call my mom. and i literally started shaking when i heard her voice. i feel so unbelievably bad for her and i was crying more than she was. and what makes things worse is that it feels as if I left one day....and then my dad did the next. awkward.

and apparently my dad had been talking to a lawyer for advice on this about 3 weeks ago. so while my mom was planning for my graduation party, he was planning for this.

right before her 50th [june 8th] and
right before their 26th wedding anniversary [june 13th]

i don't really know what to think/feel except horribly sad for my mom. and the more i think about it, the more it just seems like my dad is being very very selfish. like wtf happened to "in sickness and in health, till death to us part"?

my dad had called me tonight [around 830pm]. and he asked me if i had talked to mom lately, and my first thought was to say, "no i haven't, what's up?" and play innocent....just to hear him say it. but i didn't. he apologized for not being there the day i left...because he was staying at some employee's house and had been for about a week. in fact, the last time i saw him was at my graduation party...which was sunday the 21st....and i left on the 29th to come back to iowa and take care of moving stuff before i leave for active duty on the 4th.

i had kind of ignored my mom's email ...i guess just being in denail. but now actually hearing from my dad and talking with my mom too it just brings it all into reality. i just don't know what to do / how to feel. i keep telling myself that it's "their" problem and they have to work it out. cause nothing i can do / say will change anything. but part of me wants to. but it's not like i'm a kid anymore....shit, i'm going to be 24 this october. so all i can really do is just let them handle it how they want.

sorry for being so longwinded. there's a lot more to say i guess. but i'll just kind of start out asking if anyone's parents are divorced? and how old were you when it happened.....anyone an adult?

I was 10 years old. I dealt with it fine I guess. Time heals if you're down

Damn, sorry to hear that.

how terrible. hopefully i never have to go through something like this. i say the best thing to do is support BOTH ur parents... in whatever they do. they loved you.. and now this.. shouldnt change the fact that they love u and u love them... dont feel angry, it is their problem.. sadly it affects everyone.


talk to a counsuler @ school... sounds silly i know but it will probably help u vent


and specially be supportive of your mom because she hasnt recovered from her surgury but dont neglect dad.

Your parents will more than likely be happy, seperated from one another. You shouldn't take this to heart, too much. They'll still both be important part of your lives.

My folks got divorced in 1992. I was 6 or 7. Don't remember. 2 years after we arrived to the US.

ps. hope everything gets brighter for you.

Mine got divorced 2 years ago, it rly wasnt that hard since i was the one to gave the advice to mom, but still, it was hard to do it, we still suffer from it (less money) but i think it worth it, that was a fucking alcoholic still he was able to take the house and the 2 cars, i hate him , he should be anally raped to death


Anyway, i hope this goes out well for you, just give yourself and them some time, and if you need something you can pm me or something

my parents got divorced when i was halfway through 6th grade, it wasnt too hard on my because i still saw my dad. him and my mom still talk, they have no problem with each other, just that they stopped loving each other. it was depressing for a while though. with time everything heals though.

hope things get better for you soon, and i wish you and your parents the best of luck.

quote:

Originally posted by Yan Your parents will more than likely be happy, seperated from one another. You shouldn't take this to heart, too much. They'll still both be important part of your lives. My folks got divorced in 1992. I was 6 or 7. Don't remember. 2 years after we arrived to the US.

i think this whole thing really kind of came as a shock to my mom tho. like, she was only a little unhappy because of her pain from the surgery. having her husband of nearly 26 years say that "i can't deal with you not being healthy" is nearly a slap to the face.

i don't think she'll ever be happy again.

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills i think this whole thing really kind of came as a shock to my mom tho. like, she was only a little unhappy because of her pain from the surgery. having her husband of nearly 26 years say that "i can't deal with you not being healthy" is nearly a slap to the face. i don't think she'll ever be happy again.

it's pretty weak from ur dad..not judging him though!

quote:

Originally posted by nchs09 how terrible. hopefully i never have to go through something like this. i say the best thing to do is support BOTH ur parents... in whatever they do. they loved you.. and now this.. shouldnt change the fact that they love u and u love them... dont feel angry, it is their problem.. sadly it affects everyone. talk to a counsuler @ school... sounds silly i know but it will probably help u vent and specially be supportive of your mom because she hasnt recovered from her surgury but dont neglect dad.

i plan on supporting both. i feel a bit disappointed and hurt by my dad's decision....but it's not like he cheated or anything really really bad like that.

if that was the case, then i'd feel differently.

i think when i get to my first base, if i'm still having confusion about this whole thing, i plan on talking to the life services people.

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills i think this whole thing really kind of came as a shock to my mom tho. like, she was only a little unhappy because of her pain from the surgery. having her husband of nearly 26 years say that "i can't deal with you not being healthy" is nearly a slap to the face. i don't think she'll ever be happy again.

That's definitely not good. Hopefully your mother'll heal up soon and move on with her life. Finding someone new definitely helps in placing aside the past. Time heals all... sometimes. :/

quote:

Originally posted by Zeiter it's pretty weak from ur dad..not judging him though!

yeah, my brother thought the same thing. he was pissed. it's his step-dad and my real dad. but man, he let him have it tonight over the phone.

we must have talked for almost an hour; and he said that he could have understood our dad leaving when he [my brother] was in high school and was really just screwing around bad [ended up in juvie and everything]. and that would be a bit of an "Excuse"..."i can't handle your out of control kid".

but if he survived that....then it's kind of disappointing that he's doing this....now....some 15 years later.

my mom was uuber pissed too. she's like, "well happy fucking birthday to me!"

quote:

Originally posted by Yan That's definitely not good. Hopefully your mother'll heal up soon and move on with her life. Finding someone new definitely helps in placing aside the past. Time heals all... sometimes. :/

well, this is her second husband. her first was a jackass who beat her and my brother [i wasn't around for this marriage].

so my dad [my bro's stepdad] is her 2nd. and she always said that she had to get through hell to get to heaven. and to have this man that she loved for some 27 years say that he doesn't want to deal with her anymore....that's a bit of a shock.

i doubt she'll ever remarry.

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills well, this is her second husband. her first was a jackass who beat her and my brother [i wasn't around for this marriage]. so my dad [my bro's stepdad] is her 2nd. and she always said that she had to get through hell to get to heaven. and to have this man that she loved for some 27 years say that he doesn't want to deal with her anymore....that's a bit of a shock. i doubt she'll ever remarry.

Marriage isn't the only option, of course.

Does she have any good friends to support her?

quote:

Originally posted by Yan Marriage isn't the only option, of course. Does she have any good friends to support her?

one. the rest is family....which are all super suportive [thank God!]. i don't know how many people either of them have told.

Goodluck



EMO

quote:

Originally posted by all-nite-freak EMO

lol, i know....totally the opposite of normal c0r stuff. but i've never had to deal/think about this type of stuff before, so just tryin to get perspectives/views

I seriously wish you the best man...i just dont want to start hearing poetry about cutting yourself...promise me that.

Re: my parents are getting divorced

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills so my parents are getting divorced. ... but i'll just kind of start out asking if anyone's parents are divorced?

no, but i wish they were.

Re: Re: my parents are getting divorced

quote:

Originally posted by Spacey Orange no, but i wish they were.

you know, my parents had problems before, when i was a senior in high school [5 years ago]. arguing and fighting and shit almost every day. like to the point where i DIDN'T want to come home from school.

but they worked it out and everything was fine. until now

quote:

all-nite-freak I seriously wish you the best man...i just dont want to start hearing poetry about cutting yourself...promise me that.

oh yeah, won't be doing any of that. i'm not depressed or anything - just kind of confused and sad and disappointed.

Sorry to hear that.

I was in 4th grade when i got the news. I assume cause they didnt love each other anymore but about a month ago i got to thinking. I have all these unanswered questions, so i asked my mom again why they got a D and she said the same thing like always and i just stared at her, then she said my pops did something to my sis she didnt like. Now im not jumping to conclusions and would have never susspected my dad of doing what the first thing that comes to your mind in this situation. So i don't wanna know...

quote:

Originally posted by gwrmarines Sorry to hear that. I was in 4th grade when i got the news. I assume cause they didnt love each other anymore but about a month ago i got to thinking. I have all these unanswered questions, so i asked my mom again why they got a D and she said the same thing like always and i just stared at her, then she said my pops did something to my sis she didnt like. Now im not jumping to conclusions and would have never susspected my dad of doing what the first thing that comes to your mind in this situation. So i don't wanna know...

my brother told me that he wouldn't be surprised if there was another reason. my dad w/in the past year had taken a few trips to go biking or hiking or see something different. my mom never went with because she basically couldn't because of the pain. but until he admits anything....i don't want to know.

a friend of mine, his parents got divorced because his dad had done a few things w/ his younger sister.....can we say "awkward"

oh, and ps,

quote:

sorry to hear about that, SIR

FIXED!

i keed i keed. i need to laugh a little right now.

yea well. my parents got divorced because my dad is gay and had gay affairs

well i hope everythign works out for you man.. your parents probably are doing the right thing. just be there for your mom. As for your dad. Thats up to you. he's still your dad so love him too

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