TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Canada - Toronto & Southern Ont.
-- My dilemma... opinions sought please.
Pages (3): [1] 2 3 »

My dilemma... opinions sought please... (opinions no longer needed, its old news now)

So I'm taking this time to forefit my right any more of these threads for the rest of the year if I can get some other peoples opinions here...

My issue is that I just drove home to NYC from Waterloo two days ago.
I have a female friend who is in tears and completely at her wits end as to what to do about a situation with a soon to be ex that is quickly spiraling out of control and both her and I are becoming more and more concerned for her saftey. She lives in Montreal (6 hour drive from me currently). Normally I wouldn't even hesitate I would load things I need for the next two days and go to her aid, but this week I am moving out to Los Angeles... by driving and I HAVE to be there by tuesday night. LA is a 41.5 hour drive from here (3 days, since I'm going solo).
I'm considering leaving for Montreal first thing tomorrow morning and then spending all day saturday there and then leaving for LA from Montreal (43 hour drive, still takes me 3 days) first thing on Sunday. So I would drive all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... the timing still works but doesn't leave me much room for a buffer should something go wrong on my way (not saying it will, I just like to be on the safe side)

She has no other male friends in Montreal and very few anyway that are even within 6 hours distance away that would be willing to step in to tell this guy to Fuck off permanentaly. He won't listen to her requests without becoming aggressive. I have NO problem standing to this guys face so that he gets the picture, where ever that leads so be it. And I feel that by showing him she has male friends who are willing to drive this distance to protect her then he may back down a bit which would make her life a lot easier. She is already stressed to the max with work and a bunch of other ordeals. She is one of the sweetest most amazing girls I know and would do almost anything for her especially defending her against pricks that never deserved her in the first place.
She obviously does not wish to go the police about this since it hasn't crossed that line yet.

I'm torn as to what to do. The friend side of me says I should always do anything I can to help but the responsible side of me says I can't give the extra day of travel time.
Should I head to Montreal or take the trip to LA a bit easier leaving myself an extra day of travel time?

well - if you believe that there is any chance of her getting injured (him getting violent) then you should go.

If that happened, you would never forgive yourself.

but, LA is a loooong way.

tough call.

if she was in danger - i would go.

yeah he's put holes in the wall from his 'venting' before but he's never crossed the line of hitting her. He does scare her a fair bit though when he gets mad and I think I would mostly serve as a buffer so his frustrations come out on me rather than her. Like I said I have no problem taking a few shots from this guy if it comes to that. I think there is a chance he might cross the line with her but it's only a chance at this point. He has an aggressive history littered with fighting but no acutally reports of ever hitting a female.

I think after typing this out and hearing your comment, I'm slowing leaning towards going to Montreal tomorrow..... I guess I'll sleep on it tonight and call her in the AM to see how she's doing at that point in time.

I think you're right, if something did happen and I know I could have been there to prevent it, I would never forgive myself. I think it would also mean the world to her for the emotional support for a bit. She's a workaholic so she doesn't really have a lot of close friends in MTL.

Dude....friends are a precious thing....if you can help her out of what sounds like a very bad situation then you do it. It there is any way possible for you to go you should. I know I would do anything for a friend and by the sounds of it....from many of your posts....you are exactly the same way. She needs someone who can help her and I know that you definately could. I say go....even if it means being a little late getting to LA....I'd still do it.

Be there for your friend.

You can make up some lost time by pushing little on speed limit, but your friend is important.

if you need some arms...


on a side note, she has to leave him by herself... because she'll be back with him sooner than you think... women are like that

Well, if you truly feel in your heart that you are needed there, then thats what you need to do. However, remember this: he may not be able to hit her, but he's damn sure going to be able to hit you. So be very prepared for the probable consequence. Good luck. Be safe.

quote:

Originally posted by EvilTree You can make up some lost time by pushing little on speed limit...

Sorry dude, I would seriously not recommend this.
Your emotions are high, situation is intense, the last thing you need is to get into a car collusion.

why doesnt she just call the police?

why doesnt she just call the police?

i dont think i would want to be the guy that crosses you dave...


tough situation, i dont know what i would do. but if you do go all the way down there, make sure the guy doesnt know you are leaving for LA the next day.

quote:

Originally posted by Elendil However, remember this: he may not be able to hit her, but he's damn sure going to be able to hit you. So be very prepared for the probable consequence. Good luck. Be safe.

OH, Dave doesn't have much to fear AT ALL. Trust.

Dude, I wish I knew what to tell you. Thats a precious difficult situation.

You're gut is gonna tell you when you wake up this morning what you need to do, I think.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

quote:

Originally posted by malek if you need some arms... on a side note, she has to leave him by herself... because she'll be back with him sooner than you think... women are like that

I should be able to handle him and a few of his friends, but if he shows up with more than 5 buddies then I'll for sure be online trying to grab ya! Thanks for the offer.
As for her leaving him... she's trying, she knows she can't be with him so it's an issue of whats the safest way to do it. She's pretty good about not going back to guys afterwards even if she wants to she has never let herself do that, so I think once it's done and he gets lost she'll be fine.

quote:

Originally posted by Elendil Well, if you truly feel in your heart that you are needed there, then thats what you need to do. However, remember this: he may not be able to hit her, but he's damn sure going to be able to hit you. So be very prepared for the probable consequence. Good luck. Be safe.

As for him hitting me, I am fully prepared to take a few hits from him. He knows my trainning/experience and I doubt he would be dumb enough to actually come at me, he has a pretty good idea of what I'm capable of even when I'm holding back.


Andrew: My plan is to let him know that I am fully prepared at any point to drive the 6 hours to Montreal from NYC to straighten him out if need be. I'm not going to let him know that I'll actually be in LA. I hope if I can come across strong enough the first time I won't have to make a second appearence. I'll leave him thinking I'm only a few hours away from him.

Jayx1: She doesn't want to call the police. The guy hasn't actually hit her so she doesn't really have any grounds to call the police.

I was up most of the night talking with her so I just got up now. I'm packing up and then hitting the road to go see her for a bit.

^^ I wish you much success in this situation!

Drive safely Dave.

quote:

Originally posted by Jem_hadar ^^ I wish you much success in this situation! Drive safely Dave.

Thanks. This should be an interesting next 24 hours.

Even if it's all just to give her a hug and let her know that she has friends that would do this for her then it's worth it I think.

quote:

Originally posted by ChemEnhanced Dude....friends are a precious thing....if you can help her out of what sounds like a very bad situation then you do it. It there is any way possible for you to go you should. I know I would do anything for a friend and by the sounds of it....from many of your posts....you are exactly the same way. She needs someone who can help her and I know that you definately could. I say go....even if it means being a little late getting to LA....I'd still do it.

that about sums up my thoughts too...well said.

I'm not sure what awaits in L.A., but if something happened to her while you were away, you'd never forgive yourself too.

I think you're making the right decision by stopping in Montreal...just be careful.

Without a doubt you definately should head over there to try and rectify the problem. What I think you are forseeing is the fact that even if you got into a brawl and or the situation got out of hand and you beat the piss out of him... what will stop him from coming back the next day to take revenge, when your gone to LA? If anything I can easily see it escalating his anger to an even higher degree where he could get more buddies/weapons and or whatever else he pleases. If he has been the dictator in the relationship he will continue to do so until he gets HIS way, no matter what barriers are in place (you).

My 2 Cents.

Fingers Are Crossed, Goodluck!

dont forget tunes for the car! have a safe trip buddy.

quote:

Originally posted by NuERA dont forget tunes for the car! have a safe trip buddy.

haha, that's the only reason I'm still logged on. I'm waiting the last few minutes it takes to burn those mixes you sent me.
I'll be on the road in about 10-15 mintues busting out to Montreal.

Since you and Kevin just sent me stuff I should be good for the first 10 hours now... then it's back to 30 hours of other trance. lol. This is starting to remind me a lot of our trip to New Orleans.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!

Just thought I'd clarify something:

In no way did I mean to imply that you weren't up to the fight, or that you wouldn't soundly thrash him. Rather, I meant to express that while he probably wouldn't go to the extent of hitting her necessarily, having you there is MUCH more likely to inflame his already rampant ego. Your presence is highly likely to create a more violent situation. Remember, few things are as dangerous as a man with a severely inflated ego, who gets his pride deeply wounded, and feels in the moment he has nothing to lose.

Be very, very careful and especially intune with your vibe and social acumen when you enter into that situation.

i repeat... why doesnt she call the police?

If he hasnt hit her but she feels she is in trouble she can always at least give a statment so that its on record. She can then go to many many social services that will put her up in an emergency shelter. The police will even escort her to the apartment so she can get her stuff.

They WILL put a spouse in emergency housing if violence is immenent even if it hasnt occured.

Im going through this with a friend of mine (yes he is a male) and violence has occured (she hit him among other things)... its a tough situation for sure

If you go there and trouble starts he could always have you arrested for assault. Then you wont have to worry about LA.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 If you go there and trouble starts he could always have you arrested for assault. Then you wont have to worry about LA.

Thats also very true and needs to be thought on. You dont want to jeopardize eligibility to live/work in LA man!

ok, i wonder what happend.... Im not sure I wouldve went...im with jay on this one

quote:

Originally posted by malek if you need some arms... on a side note, she has to leave him by herself... because she'll be back with him sooner than you think... women are like that

Amen

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 Im going through this with a friend of mine (yes he is a male) and violence has occured (she hit him among other things)... its a tough situation for sure

am I the only one that finds when men abusal funny? 'cause I laughed when I read that. Imagine the police escorting you home cause of your wife gonna kick the shit outta you.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.