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Attention wives, girlfriends, partners

Guidelines for Surviving the World Cup

Dear wife, partner, girlfriend,

1. From June 9 to July 9, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the world cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversation. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. Do not complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the world cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glance at the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right afterwards because, if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the world cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor. It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces at my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between midnight and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, do not say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so-called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half-time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the world cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends not to have any babies, or any other child-related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: (a) I will not go, (b) I will not go, and (c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily world cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this, why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because the reply will be "refer to rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please keep expressions such as "thank God the world cup is only every four years" to yourself. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, and FA Cup.

Thank you for your cooperation.

cute! It has been awesome watching some of the games...sometimes a little out of control cause there are so many....lol

13. If you hear the words "penalty kicks", treat the situation as if it was a Breaking News Terror Alert, and don't make a sound

lol thankfully we both love the world cup and football in general. i'd hate to live with someone who couldn't stand/didn't understand the sport.

LOL!

After reading this I�m veeeeeerry happy I have someone who doesn�t (seem to) mind sitting down and watching a match�and putting up with my yelling, screaming, twitching, praying, sweating, swearing, jumping, flag-waving, horn-honking, friend-calling, referee-threatening antics.

But hey, its footie, whats not to love?

She doesn't have to worry about this because I can't stand SOCCER.

Thank god the World Cup isn't cutting into Wimbledon coverage, then I'd be PISSED!

I'm still getting on avergae 8 hours of Wimbledon coverage a day on the telly. It's great. (If onlY I could watch all of that!)

I am furious that World Cup bullshit is cutting into my Top Gear season. Fucking BBC.

quote:

Originally posted by VERTiG0 I am furious that World Cup bullshit is cutting into my Top Gear season. Fucking BBC.

DVD?

Suck it up, couple million watching Top Gear, 1.5 Billion watching football, i wonder why the matches are put on

quote:

Originally posted by VERTiG0 I am furious that World Cup bullshit is cutting into my Top Gear season. Fucking BBC.

So you're not as lucky as me hten, Cale?

I know I was worried too, but luckily Wimbledon is HUGE enough that they wouldn't cut into its coverage!

Ill pray to the sports coverage gods for you to rectify this matter immediately!

quote:

Originally posted by Jem_hadar So you're not as lucky as me hten, Cale? I know I was worried too, but luckily Wimbledon is HUGE enough that they wouldn't cut into its coverage! Ill pray to the sports coverage gods for you to rectify this matter immediately!

Let me just stop you from watching 2 weeks of TV, Federer wins the mens side, Sharapova wins the womans side. Oh wow, nothing beats A open tennis stadium in englands rainy season, i tried watching yesterday, but that whole 2 1/2 hour rain delay kinda put me off.

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Robben 1.5 Billion watching SOCCER

fixed

This is football:



THE PAIN TRAIN IS COMING BABY, WOO WOO, WOO WOOOO

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Robben Let me just stop you from watching 2 weeks of TV, Federer wins the mens side, Sharapova wins the womans side. Oh wow, nothing beats A open tennis stadium in englands rainy season, i tried watching yesterday, but that whole 2 1/2 hour rain delay kinda put me off.

True. But its one of Wimbledon's long stand ever-lasting traditions... rain delays will perpetuate and postpone and put off matches. LOL

Fed, yea, hes a shoe in.

On the Women's, Marias the most probably suspect to take the slam, but I'd not say that with any kind of certainty at all. The Women's one is open... I could see her being challenged very well. (better not be the one monkey sister that wins... that'll put me off!)

Re: Attention wives, girlfriends, partners

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 Guidelines for Surviving the World Cup Dear wife, partner, girlfriend, 1. From June 9 to July 9, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the world cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversation. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. Do not complain about not receiving any attention. 2. During the world cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glance at the remote control, you will lose it (your eye). 3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right afterwards because, if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the world cup month. 4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor. It won't happen. 5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces at my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between midnight and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. 6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, do not say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so-called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce. 7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half-time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the world cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together". 8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times. 9. Tell your friends not to have any babies, or any other child-related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: (a) I will not go, (b) I will not go, and (c) I will not go. 10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash. 11. The daily world cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this, why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because the reply will be "refer to rule #2 of this list". 12. And finally, please keep expressions such as "thank God the world cup is only every four years" to yourself. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, and FA Cup. Thank you for your cooperation.

I have to abide by these rules ALL YEAR LONG, with the English Premier League. Lucky me.... This is what you get for dating a European.

Re: Re: Attention wives, girlfriends, partners

quote:

Originally posted by tatgirl I have to abide by these rules ALL YEAR LONG, with the English Premier League. Lucky me.... This is what you get for dating a European.

Result! That was brilliant!

quote:

Originally posted by VERTiG0 fixed

"The brutal game once known in England as 'kicking the bladder' actually dates back at least to the Roman conquest in A.D. 43.The name 'fut balle' was given the game in the 12th century, when it was first played on a large 'field' with boundary lines, with approximately 50 men on each side. It was already causing so many injuries that a number of English monarchs, including Henry VIII and Elizabeth I, tried to ban it. The modern spelling 'football' appeared in England by 1650. Football didn't become respectable until James I of England lifted the ban imposed by Elizabeth I, and the rules against mayhem slowly began to evolve.The English game was, of course, developing into what we Americans now call 'soccer' (1889, a clipping and alliteration of 'association football') but which the rest of the world still calls, by some variant or translation of English, 'football'." From "Speaking Freely: A Guided Tour of American English from Plymouth Rock to Silicon Valley" by Stuart Berg Flexner and Anne H. Soukhanov (Oxford University Press, New York, 1997).

It's been called football since 1650 and only become "soccer" in north america in 1889. The correct word is FOOTBALL.

Besides considering the fact that american football is played more with hands than it is with feet, the point of calling that pitiful excuse for a sport 'football' is non-existent.

quote:

Originally posted by loca It's been called football since 1650 and only become "soccer" in north america in 1889. The correct word is FOOTBALL. Besides considering the fact that american football is played more with hands than it is with feet, the point of calling that pitiful excuse for a sport 'football' is non-existent.

Yeah, we're in North America, so it's soccer.

Pitiful excuse for a sport? Don't start.

American Football is horrible. Possibly the worst "sport" ever, right next to cricket.

Typical... and yes! PITIFUL Now if you want to talk about a real men's sport, watch rugby, that's a proper sport.

Re: Re: Attention wives, girlfriends, partners

quote:

Originally posted by tatgirl I have to abide by these rules ALL YEAR LONG, with the English Premier League. Lucky me.... This is what you get for dating a European.

Long live the Premier League!! And the Champions League! lol

what should i do in the instance that my g.f is cheering for a different team then i am and is trying to make me watch the ITALY game witch i could give 2 shits and a fuck about??

quote:

Originally posted by Adamo American Football is horrible. Possibly the worst "sport" ever, right next to cricket.

EVERYONE knows the only point to the sport of cricket is to lie on a grassy field all day getting as bloody possibly TANKED as one can!

Anyone who watches cricket for the sport of it is crazy.

Cricket is about getting right fucking trashed out of your mind!

Imma move to Aussieland, and hire a beerwench for all the games I watch!

quote:

Originally posted by Djsketchbag what should i do in the instance that my g.f is cheering for a different team then i am and is trying to make me watch the ITALY game witch i could give 2 shits and a fuck about??

Send her back to Woodbridge Peter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNcWwmFYq1M

quote:

Originally posted by loca Besides considering the fact that american football is played more with hands than it is with feet, the point of calling that pitiful excuse for a sport 'football' is non-existent.

Hahaha, pitiful excuse for a sport? oh please I can't think of another sport out there that requires as much team co-ordination as football does. It's easily one of the most complex games out there.

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