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Funny Joke
Since no one has anything interesting to say on a consistent basis (no Dave, you're not interesting either), I will start posting jokes from time to time. Feel free to post your own in the same thread.
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
What do you say to Nath.au's mom when she has two black eyes?
Nothing. You've done told her twice already.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?
The sentence starts "a man once told me...."
oh god. i dont know if ive used this one yet... ok here goes...
before you read it.. keep in mind that my best sense of humour is terribly terribly morbid...
isometimes laugh at the face of death...
anyways
i got 2 terrible morbid jokes and if your offended then im going to tell you guys ahead of time... i dont care if ur offended. there now that i got that outa the way...
what does a def, blind, cripled kid get for christmas ???
CANCER !!!!!
WELL i got another one but i gotta do a pantomime for you guys to understand it... o well ill improvise.
how does jesus christ chew his nails ??
*starts knawing at palms*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Lizard_boy oh god. i dont know if ive used this one yet... ok here goes... before you read it.. keep in mind that my best sense of humour is terribly terribly morbid... isometimes laugh at the face of death... anyways i got 2 terrible morbid jokes and if your offended then im going to tell you guys ahead of time... i dont care if ur offended. there now that i got that outa the way... what does a def, blind, cripled kid get for christmas ??? CANCER !!!!! WELL i got another one but i gotta do a pantomime for you guys to understand it... o well ill improvise. how does jesus christ chew his nails ?? *starts knawing at palms* |
If big breasted women work at hooters, where do one legged women work?
I-hop.
Subject: HAVE A LAUGH
Two weeks ago was my 31(superscript: st) birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning" let alone any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss.
Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said,
"No, I guess not."
She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change." "Sure," I excitedly replied.
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And there I sat... on the couch... naked.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djjonas If big breasted women work at hooters, where do one legged women work? I-hop. |
It's a Mail Carrier's last day of service before his retirement. He walks down the street, delivering mail doorstep to doorstep as he has done everyday for the last 20 years. Approaching one house, the mailman sees a note taped to the front door that simply reads, "Mailman, please come inside".
Hesitantly, the mailman enters the house. "Hello" he says, "is anyone home?" A woman appears out of a bedroom door at the end of the hall. She's a beautiful, middle aged woman dressed in a sexy black silk teddy. Without saying a word, the woman motions for the mailman to come to the bedroom. The mailman, very confused but certainly excited, follows the woman
through the door.
The woman proceeds to undress the mailman slowly, and make love to him. When the mailman is completely exhausted, the woman leads him to the kitchen, hands him a crisp one-dollar bill and begins to cook him a delicious breakfast with all the trimmings.
Still having not exchanged a single word between them, the mailman's curiosity and confusion get the best of him and he breaks the silence...
"Ma'am, I have to say, that was perhaps the best sex I've had in my entire life. And although I am eternally grateful to you for that, I must ask you...'What was that all about?"
The woman replies "Well, you've been delivering our mail everyday for some time now and I knew that today was your last day before retirement. As my husband was leaving for work this morning, I told him that I'd like to do something special for you and asked him what he thought that should be. Without hesitation, my husband said... 'Screw him! Give him a dollar.'"
The woman paused and then said...
"Breakfast was MY idea!"
Die Steve
Que le dijo el foco al otro foco . . .
Fuck you
| quote: |
| Originally posted by diggerz Que le dijo el foco al otro foco . . . Fuck you |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by davemolina It's a Mail Carrier's last day of service before his retirement. He walks down the street, delivering mail doorstep to doorstep as he has done everyday for the last 20 years. Approaching one house, the mailman sees a note taped to the front door that simply reads, "Mailman, please come inside". Hesitantly, the mailman enters the house. "Hello" he says, "is anyone home?" A woman appears out of a bedroom door at the end of the hall. She's a beautiful, middle aged woman dressed in a sexy black silk teddy. Without saying a word, the woman motions for the mailman to come to the bedroom. The mailman, very confused but certainly excited, follows the woman through the door. The woman proceeds to undress the mailman slowly, and make love to him. When the mailman is completely exhausted, the woman leads him to the kitchen, hands him a crisp one-dollar bill and begins to cook him a delicious breakfast with all the trimmings. Still having not exchanged a single word between them, the mailman's curiosity and confusion get the best of him and he breaks the silence... "Ma'am, I have to say, that was perhaps the best sex I've had in my entire life. And although I am eternally grateful to you for that, I must ask you...'What was that all about?" The woman replies "Well, you've been delivering our mail everyday for some time now and I knew that today was your last day before retirement. As my husband was leaving for work this morning, I told him that I'd like to do something special for you and asked him what he thought that should be. Without hesitation, my husband said... 'Screw him! Give him a dollar.'" The woman paused and then said... "Breakfast was MY idea!" Die Steve |
Two guys were standing around one day at work and the first guy looks at the second guy and says " you're always smiling when u come to work what's you're secert?"
The second guy replies " well i have a little poem that i recite to my wife every morning when I wake up and she can't resist me...."
"Wow thats awesome what do you say to her?" The first guy asks.
"I say blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes so blue, how I love to wake up each moring and make love to you." The guy replies and then adds "you should try making up a poem of your own for your wife."
The next day the men are standing around at work again and the second guy ask the first guy "my god man what happened to you? You're a bloody mess."
The first guy replies with shame in his eyes "all i did is what you told me to, I went home made up a poem about my wife and she beat the shit out of me."
"oh I'm sorry man what did you say to her?" The second guy asks.
"All i said was nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I'd f**k you like a dog."
Can I request I few jesus or christian jokes please? I really hate those assholes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zild Can I request I few jesus or christian jokes please? I really hate those assholes. |
How do you comfortably fit Zild and his three gay lovers on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djjonas How do you comfortably fit Zild and his three gay lovers on one barstool? Turn it upside down. |
No I need all of them for myself. Besides you evil bastards need to stop lying to yourselves about your supposed morality and start giving the devil his due. Accept Satan into your life and you will be saved! By the power of Jeebus. Yeah something like that.
Oh yea great joke sloth I see you had to send off to 1982 for that one since it is so original.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zild No I need all of them for myself. Besides you evil bastards need to stop lying to yourselves about your supposed morality and start giving the devil his due. Accept Satan into your life and you will be saved! By the power of Jeebus. Yeah something like that. Oh yea great joke sloth I see you had to send off to 1982 for that one since it is so original. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zild Besides you evil bastards need to stop lying to yourselves about your supposed morality and start giving the devil his due. Accept Satan into your life and you will be saved! By the power of Jeebus. |
How'd you know his name? Dave told you didn't he? That bitch!
Oh yea and there is nothing wrong with me. If being down with jesus turns you into a blatant racist I want nothing to do with it.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zild How'd you know his name? Dave told you didn't he? That bitch! Oh yea and there is nothing wrong with me. If being down with jesus turnts you into a blatant racist I want nothing to do with it. |
I'll explain it. You called me a hater because I said that racist thread was full of shit.
I'm a moron! Happy now? Oops I'm such a moron I couldn't get that right the first time. Let me try again.
I'm a fucking moron!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zild I'll explain it. You called me a hater because I said that racist thread was full of shit. I'm a moron! Happy now? Oops I'm such a moron I couldn't get that right the first time. Let me try again. I'm a fucking moron! |
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