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FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

Some of you might of heard these.

- Do you want to play Rugby on saturday?...... Well apparently Ipswich are short of hookers!

- Job Vacancy - Prostitutes required, Ipswich area, good rates of pay but the shifts are murder!

Q - Whats the difference between Ipswich murderer & mr kipling?
A - Mr kipling puts 6 tarts in a box ...

- I got slapped by a shop assistant today. I cant understand why. I was in a bakery in Ipswich and I said to the girl "Ohhh, I could murder a tart"

- Theres a dyslexic santa in Ipswich.... Keeps leaving prossies under trees

- I hear the football's cancelled at Ipswich on Saturday. Apparently a dyslexic copy-cat has strangled the substitutes.

- Got the wife a red rubber mini skirt and a bus ticket to Ipswich for Christmas. It was nice knowing her......

- The 5 girls from ipswich have all been suffercated with corn flakes.
The police insist it is a cereal killer

- The prostitutes have given up there rounds for a while as the shifts were murder

- Father Xmas has been eliminated from Police Enquiries after the discovery of "Ho's" 4 & 5

- Ipswich prostitutes have a high sex drive

they are all dieing for a sh*g

if you're lost...

Also

Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

quote:

Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Some of you might of heard these. - Do you want to play Rugby on saturday?...... Well apparently Ipswich are short of hookers! - Job Vacancy - Prostitutes required, Ipswich area, good rates of pay but the shifts are murder! Q - Whats the difference between Ipswich murderer & mr kipling? A - Mr kipling puts 6 tarts in a box ... - I got slapped by a shop assistant today. I cant understand why. I was in a bakery in Ipswich and I said to the girl "Ohhh, I could murder a tart" - Theres a dyslexic santa in Ipswich.... Keeps leaving prossies under trees - I hear the football's cancelled at Ipswich on Saturday. Apparently a dyslexic copy-cat has strangled the substitutes. - Got the wife a red rubber mini skirt and a bus ticket to Ipswich for Christmas. It was nice knowing her...... - The 5 girls from ipswich have all been suffercated with corn flakes. The police insist it is a cereal killer - The prostitutes have given up there rounds for a while as the shifts were murder - Father Xmas has been eliminated from Police Enquiries after the discovery of "Ho's" 4 & 5 - Ipswich prostitutes have a high sex drive they are all dieing for a sh*g

This is wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to begin...

Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ This is wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to begin...

I'd begin by the suffercating cereal killing: never a mispelling managed to convey the correct meaning so well

Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Lira I'd begin by the suffercating cereal killing: never a mispelling managed to convey the correct meaning so well

Copied and pasted from an e-mail I received mate

Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Copied and pasted from an e-mail I received mate

I thought so I reckon it's highly unlikely that an Irishman would mispell that word (because of the way you guys speak)... but I just found that amusing

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Originally posted by Lira I thought so I reckon it's highly unlikely that an Irishman would mispell that word (because of the way you guys speak)... but I just found that amusing

You'd be suprised because I have an English 'Northampton' accent.

Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station when they saw a sign saying "English serial killer wanted".
Paddy turns to Murphy and says,
"Don't the English get all the good jobs".

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station when they saw a sign saying "English serial killer wanted". Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Don't the English get all the good jobs".

Can always expect Lilth to turn up with an Irish joke. So tell me Lilth did you get that out of your 1986 Jimmy Tarbuck annual?

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Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan You'd be suprised because I have an English 'Northampton' accent.

Aaaah... so that's why you were talking that way in this thread! I thought you had just moved to England recently

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station when they saw a sign saying "English serial killer wanted". Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Don't the English get all the good jobs".

quote:

Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Can always expect Lilth to turn up with an Irish joke. So tell me Lilth did you get that out of your 1986 Jimmy Tarbuck annual?

Someone had to drag this thread out of the mire with something funny, yours sucked

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Originally posted by Lira Aaaah... so that's why you were talking that way in this thread! I thought you had just moved to England recently

No I'm born in England and I have a British passport My Fathers English and My Mothers Irish

Just I was raised in the Irish house not the English one. No jokes about caravans please.

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith Someone had to drag this thread out of the mire with something funny, yours sucked

I think they're ok, great for the sensitive people at work.

I've lost count how many times I've heard the line 'That's somebodies daughter you know!' this week

Murphy goes to court accused of murdering hookers, being a good neighbour, Paddy goes in to support him.

The judge asked the defendant Murphey to please stand.
"You are charged with murdering a hooker with a chain saw."
From out in the gallery, a Murphy shouts,
"Ye, fookin, lying bastid!"
"Silence in the court!"
The Judge says to Murphy. He turns to Paddy and says,
"You are also charged with killing a hooker with a hedgetrimmer"
"Damn tight arse" Murphy in the gallery blurted out
"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To Paddy,
"You are also charged with killing a hooker with an electric drill."
"You bleedin' arsehole!" Murphy from the gallery roared.

The judge thundered at Murphy in the galley:
"If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"

Murphy answered back,
"I've lived next door to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

Englishman, Irishman and a Scottishman in an ID parade for a rape. The victim walks down the line and looks at them one by one when the Irishman jumps out of the line, points at her and says "Thats her! Thats the miserable bitch!!"

This one always makes me laugh

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Just I was raised in the Irish house not the English one. No jokes about caravans please.

Well if we can't do that, then we've only got the Scots, who arent funny, the British who don't get it and the chavs left to pick on.

There's an Irishman, an Australian and a chav sat in a pub.

They see a familiar figure sat over by himself. They can't remember who he is, and are getting suitably annoyed, until eventually one of them recognises him: it's Jesus!

Being the good-natured people that they are, the chav was obviously on ecstasy or something, they buy him a pint of Guiness, a pint of Fosters, and a pint of Carling. After all, he is the son of God.

Jesus drinks them all slowly, and when he's done gets up and walks over to the three blokes to thank them.

First off he shakes the hand of the Irishman, and says "Thank you my son".

"Well Oi never!" exclaims Paddy. "Moi arthritis that Oi've had for turty yeurs has been cured! Tank you, Jasus".

Jesus then turns to the Aussie, and does the same to him.

"Strewth! My bad back has been cured! Nice one, Jesus!"

Finally, Jesus turns towards the chav, only to be met with the chav retreating hastily.

"What's wrong, my son?" Asks Jesus.

"F-off!" Replies the chav. "I'm on disability!"

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Lilith Well if we can't do that, then we've only got the Scots, who arent funny, the British who don't get it and the chavs left to pick on.

Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers.

Lilth that's orginally a scouser joke.

Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, running from the police. They come to a barn and decide to hide in some empty sacks. The policeman arrives a few seconds later and kicks the first sack

"Woof" said the Englishman. 'Must be a dog' thought the policeman

The policeman kicks the sack he saw next to it...

"Meow" said the Scotsman. 'Must be a cat' thought the policeman

Finally, the policeman came to the Irishman's sack and kicked it hard...

"Potatoes" came the reply!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers. Lilth that's orginally a scouser joke.

i find that scottish guys often have little sense of humour (mainly the neds, the ones like we have here, dervish, fundy etc are really funny) but scottish girls aren't easy to wind up.

And yeah. so wrong, but you have to laugh inside. somewhere deep deep inside.

quote:

Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Englishman, Irishman and a Scottishman in an ID parade for a rape. The victim walks down the line and looks at them one by one when the Irishman jumps out of the line, points at her and says "Thats her! Thats the miserable bitch!!" This one always makes me laugh

hahaha

6 TARTS IN A BOX HAHA

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quote:

Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers.

Hahaha I know even I've done it on online poker (have my location as UK on it but some have towns and that). Love a game of "jock baiting".

And your a good crack too Ian... dunno about Joe tho.... lol

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes

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Originally posted by Dervish Hahaha I know even I've done it on online poker (have my location as UK on it but some have towns and that). Love a game of "jock baiting". And your a good crack too Ian... dunno about Joe tho.... lol

One of my best mates is orginally from Dundee, his Dad looks like lead singer of ACDC and has a short fuse. When we were younger as a dare we'd try to call him Curley Sue (wasn't a good idea at the time).

Some jocks are chilled, but as whole the majority I know are a fiery lot.

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