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-- Little Johnny Jokes

Posted by Gucio on Apr-03-2002 12:31:

Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"
___________________________________________________________________

Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. "There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone".

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with
the wedding ring on,...but I like your thinking."
_____________________________________________________________________

Math Class

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked me 'How much is 2x3?'and I said '6'".

"But that's right!" said the father

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!!" replied Johnny
______________________________________________________________________

English

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class." Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!

Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your >multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".
______________________________________________________________________

Grammar

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he
needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use
in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
______________________________________________________________________

Beautiful

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could say the word "beautiful" in the
same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!'"

Posted by Mr.Mystery on Apr-03-2002 13:47:

Lmao @ the last one

Posted by webmeister on Apr-03-2002 14:01:

LOL

Oldies but goodies

Posted by Dmatrox on Apr-03-2002 18:23:

lol i liked the ice cream one and the urinate one

Posted by TranceInMD on Apr-03-2002 19:59:

LMAO Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You just made my day...

Posted by trancearmada on Apr-03-2002 20:42:

that last one was a killer! wow thanx, I have not laughed this hard in a while!

Posted by OrZonE on Apr-03-2002 20:56:

quote:
Originally posted by trancearmada
that last one was a killer! wow thanx, I have not laughed this hard in a while!

Looks like somebody even adjusted their signature a bit
Thanks for the jokes man, amazing, i've heard some of them with a character named "Vovochka".

Posted by NY1004 on Apr-04-2002 01:06:

HAHAHA i never heard these before. Fu nny as hell.

Posted by Spyder on Apr-04-2002 01:51:

LMAO>..... theos were great.. :

Posted by Lovely on Apr-04-2002 02:30:

LOL! I haven't heard any of these before, but aren't there other little johnny jokes? - Lovely

Posted by Gucio on Apr-04-2002 04:07:

quote:
LOL! I haven't heard any of these before, but aren't there other little johnny jokes? - Lovely

I think there must of been a whole book written on Johnny Jokes, there is a shit loads of them out there

Posted by Pepanee on Apr-04-2002 04:15:

I LOVE little Johnny!! dont u?

Posted by Drifter on Apr-04-2002 10:19:

the masturbate one is a classic

Posted by serialkillah on Apr-04-2002 15:06:

hehehehehehe I like em all