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back to the city or...not?

well...i'm in a bit of a situation right now. i'm graduating from college this spring and i'm considering taking a year off to work and then going to graduate school.

i'm from cambridge and i love the city so i'd be happy to return back where i'm near boston.

BUT my bf wants me to live with him over here in western mass around in or around amherst. it wouldn't be easy for him to move and i wouldn't want him to have to move because his law office is set up over here and he is established over here. i do think i would be miserable living out in western mass because it's not the city and i feel there isn't much to do... if i DID stay out here, at least i could go back to umass for graduate school easier, but i'm just torn right now.

part of me thinks i'm being irrational for mainly wanting to be near the city, but part of me feels i'm too young to live out here and not have as much fun as i could. i'm not sure if i'm just too used to the city area...

Re: back to the city or...not?

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 part of me thinks i'm being irrational for mainly wanting to be near the city, but part of me feels i'm too young to live out here and not have as much fun as i could. .

How is it irrational to have a preference as to where you would like to spend your life?

i speak from experience when i say this... but you're too young to be living with your boyfriend. especially if you think you'd be miserable living that far away from the city.

how much distance would be between the 2 of you if you moved back to Cambridge and he stayed where he is? is a long distance relationship something either of you would consider?

bottom line - you should go where YOU are going to be the happiest.

quote:

Originally posted by UWM How is it irrational to have a preference as to where you would like to spend your life?

i thought it might have been irrational because my boyfriend loves me and he wants me to be with him, but i was considering being in the city over being over with him in western mass.

having grown up in a town with a population less than 20,000 and now living in the city, I couldn't imagine going back. Even on nights when I'm bored here, I know I'd be 1000x more bored back home. Unless the relationship you're in is truly worth sacrificing your youthfulness, I wouldn't think twice about moving back to the city if I was in your position.

It's not irrational at all. Your environment plays a huge part in your day-to-day life. If you're not happy in the country, don't stay there. I for one couldn't stand living anywhere to far from a major metropolis. It's a completely different social environment.

quote:

Originally posted by l�cid i speak from experience when i say this... but you're too young to be living with your boyfriend. especially if you think you'd be miserable living that far away from the city. how much distance would be between the 2 of you if you moved back to Cambridge and he stayed where he is? is a long distance relationship something either of you would consider? bottom line - you should go where YOU are going to be the happiest.

yes, i do feel i'm too young to live with a bf right now. the distance would be an hour and a half to two hours away. it's cool with me, but he thinks we would drift apart and it wouldn't work. i wouldn't mind the long distance, but he would.

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 i thought it might have been irrational because my boyfriend loves me and he wants me to be with him, but i was considering being in the city over being over with him in western mass.

It's obvious that if you're having trouble picking between living with your boyfriend in a boring town vs living in the city that you belong living in the city.

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 yes, i do feel i'm too young to live with a bf right now. the distance would be an hour and a half to two hours away. it's cool with me, but he thinks we would drift apart and it wouldn't work. i wouldn't mind the long distance, but he would.

That's really not too bad. An hour and a half is what it takes me to get home. Just make sure you've got a decent mp3 player or car stereo and you're all set.

rofl
move out to cambridge, we can carpool
my girlfriend lives in boston now
me and your bf can drive out together, we'll save some gas

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 yes, i do feel i'm too young to live with a bf right now. the distance would be an hour and a half to two hours away. it's cool with me, but he thinks we would drift apart and it wouldn't work. i wouldn't mind the long distance, but he would.

that's not bad, believe me. my bf and i live 2 hours apart and we've been doing the long distance thing for almost 2 years now.

i can see how it might be hard to go from seeing someone every day to seeing them only on the weekends, but if you really feel like you're too young to be living with him (and i totally agree - been there, done that - bad idea!) then you need to tell him exactly how you feel. if both of you are in love and very serious about the relationship, you'll find ways to make it work. there's no reason for you to sacrifice YOUR happiness just to make things more convenient for him.

how much older than you is he?

quote:

Originally posted by mezzir rofl move out to cambridge, we can carpool my girlfriend lives in boston now me and your bf can drive out together, we'll save some gas

haha yeah...good times

quote:

Originally posted by Project-K That's really not too bad. An hour and a half is what it takes me to get home. Just make sure you've got a decent mp3 player or car stereo and you're all set.

and you don't mind the drive, right? i don't think i would have a problem with driving back and forth...

quote:

Originally posted by l�cid that's not bad, believe me. my bf and i live 2 hours apart and we've been doing the long distance thing for almost 2 years now. i can see how it might be hard to go from seeing someone every day to seeing them only on the weekends, but if you really feel like you're too young to be living with him (and i totally agree - been there, done that - bad idea!) then you need to tell him exactly how you feel. if both of you are in love and very serious about the relationship, you'll find ways to make it work. there's no reason for you to sacrifice YOUR happiness just to make things more convenient for him. how much older than you is he?

that gives me some faith that long distance can work! that's awesome it's been almost 2 years.

i do admit, i told him i wouldn't like it out here, but i haven't told him truly truly exactly how i feel. it just seems that every timewe talk about what will happen after i gradate, we talk in cicrcles and nothing is resolved. he tells me that there are bars and things out here, but it's nowhere NEAR the level it would be in the city. i told him i don't see myself being happy, but i don't think he gets it. i really have to tell him what's up. i really want to be with him, but i don't think i should have to be miserable living out here. he is 28 and i'm 21. i think he is just ready for bigger things than i am... i've been stressing myself over this situation for months and i'm getting to worked up over it.

move become a crackwhore and live an eventfull life being a small town bicycle..... ohhh doesnt it only take like 2 hours to get from oneside of mass to the other side? fucken people bitching about short drives bla bla bla go live someplace where its bigger and quit your fucking bitchen? or just as i said become a drug addicted whore and live two lifes so your allways got shit going on?

quote:

Originally posted by ZxZDeViLZxZ move become a crackwhore and live an eventfull life being a small town bicycle..... ohhh doesnt it only take like 2 hours to get from oneside of mass to the other side? fucken people bitching about short drives bla bla bla go live someplace where its bigger and quit your fucking bitchen? or just as i said become a drug addicted whore and live two lifes so your allways got shit going on?

i think i have the gist of that...message. no one is bitching here.

Dump his ass, go to t3h city and find yourself a new FB. 0_o

both of you are dating the wrong person.

damn andrea i thought you were a bit older than 21. your like me youve been through a ton of shit and had to grow up quickly.

from a neutral pov i say tell the bf the way you feel. i dont personally think this will yield anything because he is 28. ready to settle down. your 21 just starting to get your groove on. you both seem to be at different points in life. don't settle. you will be mad that you did. you will also be miserable. not saying he is a bad guy or anything but he is wanting things you just aren't ready for. also...21 and living with the bf? thats just nuts. too early. way to early. you still have yet to fully explore yourself let alone explore yourself with the burden of a bf right there while your doing it.

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 and you don't mind the drive, right? i don't think i would have a problem with driving back and forth...

I take the metro, and it's a pain in the ass. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to take to work in the heart of downtown. If I had a car it would be a thousand times more pleasant. So yeah, I'd say it's well worth a drive.

I'm only going by the title & not whatever situation you're referencing, but living in a city is always better than living elsewhere (I've spent half my life in each). Unless you're 8 or have 5-year-old children and, thus, have use for big expanses of grass, the advantages of having everything close by and never being without something to do FAR outweigh the advantages of, say, a bigger place to sit around and watch tv.


Then again, I also have a strong dislike for Boston. I say move to another city.

quote:

Originally posted by gehzumteufel damn andrea i thought you were a bit older than 21. your like me youve been through a ton of shit and had to grow up quickly. from a neutral pov i say tell the bf the way you feel. i dont personally think this will yield anything because he is 28. ready to settle down. your 21 just starting to get your groove on. you both seem to be at different points in life. don't settle. you will be mad that you did. you will also be miserable. not saying he is a bad guy or anything but he is wanting things you just aren't ready for. also...21 and living with the bf? thats just nuts. too early. way to early. you still have yet to fully explore yourself let alone explore yourself with the burden of a bf right there while your doing it.

hinting to a lesbain sex video? butter them up hint some exploration of oneself and hope for video footage?

btw no ones bitching but just a randomness at its best possibly?

honestly, thanks for the opinions all...



gehzumteufel, i fear the most that whatever decision i make, i will regret it. like if i move to the city and i lost a great guy, or if i stay in western mass and i'm not happy and i'm not having fun when i'm young. i guess that's life.

so...i hope everything turns out for the best. i am a believer of, "whatever happens happens" and a bit of me believes that things happen for a reason. i hope i make the right choice. right now, i'm leaning towards the city... for the past couple of weeks or maybe past months i've been switching my decision in my head, constantly.

andrea i would say that u rather feel living in the city so if u can do it ...do it

imagine ...u finally stay with your boyfriend in the country.....u do realize it's exactly what u wanted to avoid and u feel like u did the wrong choice , u wont feel happy and im sure at the end it could ruin your relationship because it could happen due to the frustration u finally totally blame your situation on your boyfriend.....

so yeah go to the city if it's really what u feel doing even if it's for let's say only a couple of months ....and then u realize u finally feel ready and would feel better near ur boyfriend in the country but i would say experience both of lives and see which ones u fit better in

and like myra said 2 hours away from your boyfriend isnt that bad

good luck

21 - 28 is not A BIG age difference. I had a 5 year age difference with my x-gf and we broke up for exactly the same reasons - I was established, had a profession, some sort of outlook and she was in college, just starting out. So, it definitely took a toll on us. She spent most of her time studying, I felt neglected... so we broke it off. in retrospect, I regretted the decission for a long time but in the end it worked out for both.... Ironically, she's with an older guy (10 years older than she is) and I am.... with her brother's best friend's sister.

I think I got a better part of the bargain...
that's my mantra and I'm sticking to it! So what that she has a Ph.D. in Business from ivy league school and has a 6 figure income, and more mature, and more responsible, and... a squirter with bi tendencies!!! Who cares about all that!!! Right?

Ah, who am I kidding?!

quote:

Originally posted by AndreaCKY772 honestly, thanks for the opinions all... gehzumteufel, i fear the most that whatever decision i make, i will regret it. like if i move to the city and i lost a great guy, or if i stay in western mass and i'm not happy and i'm not having fun when i'm young. i guess that's life.

well unfortunately your going to be miserable to start out whichever you choose. if you choose to move then you will be sad that things may go sour with the bf but if you stay there things could go just as sour because your miserable. so really would like to be miserable in more ways than one or would you rather be miserable in 1 aspect of your life? its better to know you left something that was good than to never take a risk and life a life full of what ifs.

and dont regret. you are who you are because of the shit that happened. you may not be proud of shit you did but dont regret what happened. hindsight is 20/20.

quote:

Originally posted by CranberryJuice at the end it could ruin your relationship because it could happen due to the frustration u finally totally blame your situation on your boyfriend..... so yeah go to the city if it's really what u feel doing even if it's for let's say only a couple of months ....and then u realize u finally feel ready and would feel better near ur boyfriend in the country but i would say experience both of lives and see which ones u fit better in and like myra said 2 hours away from your boyfriend isnt that bad good luck

yes! those are crucial points. the relationship could not turn out well because of me being frustrated.

quote:

Originally posted by emc^2 but in the end it worked out for both....

that's definitely good it worked out...

quote:

Originally posted by gehzumteufel and dont regret. you are who you are because of the shit that happened. you may not be proud of shit you did but dont regret what happened. hindsight is 20/20.

that will stick in my head forever!

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