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Posted by Gucio on Apr-04-2002 12:41:

Secrests To Marriage

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and, electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".......I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.

Posted by Nightmonger on Apr-04-2002 14:54:

*LOL*

Posted by Sadmafioso on Apr-04-2002 19:25:

JHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Posted by OrZonE on Apr-04-2002 19:39:

It seems like all we do on this forum is bash women!
Well, sinse i always laugh my ass off, MORE OF IT

Posted by misiek on Apr-05-2002 00:25:

LMAO!!

Posted by whiskers on Apr-05-2002 01:39:

Re: Secrests To Marriage

quote:
Originally posted by Gucio
Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

ROFLMFAO!!!!!

Posted by NY1004 on Apr-05-2002 07:06:

I can totally picture Al Bundy saying that hahahahaha

Posted by Mail Man on Apr-05-2002 13:38:

quote:
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
Now that is Al Bundy

quote:
Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

LOL duh ^that has to be the best

quote:
haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

quote:
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".......I said, "Dust!"
haha

Very good, nice 1 Gucio

Posted by skattrd on Apr-05-2002 19:21:

Lol, funny stuff, who are these from? it sounds like Rodney Dangerfield to me

Posted by WaxDog on Apr-05-2002 19:33:

Marriage

Just maybe the babanas are working u never know how far a frozen banana will go these days that's why the marriage might be lasting so long the phone in one hand and a frozen Banana in the other

Posted by Gucio on Apr-05-2002 19:55:

I have no idea where are these from, but they are hilarious. It could be Rodney Dangerfield or possibly Al Bundy as Mail Man mentioned.

Posted by Spyder on Apr-06-2002 03:54:

Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.

that one is da best.. heheehhehe
LMAO

Posted by oDrori on Apr-06-2002 06:14:

Most of them are kinda intelligent (Not in the sophisticated way, but in the "You know how marriage is" way), but the simplest of them got me laughing the most- the Coconuts and Bnanas one

Good one maties

Posted by Eugene on Apr-22-2002 01:08:

LOL
so very funny!

Posted by dj_mdma on Apr-22-2002 13:19:

LOL

So true!

Posted by SpykeChyld on Apr-22-2002 19:47:

LMAO, nice post. Some of these sound like George Carlin, lol. But yeah, Al Bundy is my vote.

My favs are the bananas and the God one, lol.