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Wierd dream....tough questions....

Ok....I just had a really weird dream...
It's a bit too personal to post but I'm pretty damn sure it had to do with something dark that has been hanging over my head for a LONG time.
No I'm not talking a 'mental block' but something outside of myself, like a curse?
I do believe that I have a guardian Angel but I am now believing that something else has been with me, holding me back from becoming the person I know I should become.
All I know is that it scared the shit outta me. Why? Because it was too real? Yea...but when you're pretty damn sure that you were REALLY speaking the words that were coming out of something elses mouth in your dream and suddening wake up and hear yourself....

I'm not a religious person myself (in that I don't normally go to church) but religion can be fasinating once you get past the humdrum and monotony.
I've always believed that the church is in my heart and not in a building; although some churches are built in areas of strong spiritual influence.

I'm really starting to wonder if some things really are out of my control?
Am I destined to act like a Taurus? Am I really mapped out as the stars are? Am I predetermined??? (or at least part of me...)

I don't believe that I'm 100% out of control. Most things in my life are a direct result of my own predetermined choices.
We all eat at a banquet of our own regrets.

I've come to a point in my life where I'm realizing that I can't change the past, no matter how long I reflect on what could have been.
I don't spend enough time looking ahead, and the present...well, that just slapped me in the face last night.

The future has always been soooo cloudy for me which is probably why I never really spent any great amount of time looking at it.
The question of why it's been so cloudy or why I haven't really focused on it, is a hard one.
Am I being coaxed by something else not to? Being influenced that it's easier to look at my past because it has substance and I can analyse it.
But I am now just waking up from this altered state, realizing how much time I've wasted.

Will it take work?
Yes.
Will I be afraid?
Never again. I know I'm more powerful with HIM in me than anything else that tries.
Will I need support?
Peoplewise, probably not.
Spiritually, probably. And I'll ask for it. I'm glad I've gotten this far and I can honestly say that I'm glad of the person I've become but I KNOW I need to get to the next level.
It's been like a brick wall for me for sooo long that for some reason I just accepted that it was there. Not realizing that there's a door I've never opened.

I know to some of you, I may sound like I'm off my rocker. To others you know what I'm talking about and that's ok. Your time will come.
I think mine has.

I know I can share this with you because I believe the people who listen to Trance are good natured people with a kind heart.
My personal Manifesto?
Maybe.

All I know is that I opened my eyes, I woke up more than once in that instant...

Peace,

Jeff

Re: Wierd dream....tough questions....

quote:

Originally posted by Fir3start3r I'm not a religious person myself (in that I don't normally go to church) but religion can be fasinating once you get past the humdrum and monotony. I've always believed that the church is in my heart and not in a building; although some churches are built in areas of strong spiritual influence. ------------------- I've come to a point in my life where I'm realizing that I can't change the past, no matter how long I reflect on what could have been. I don't spend enough time looking ahead, and the present...well, that just slapped me in the face last night. ------------------- It's been like a brick wall for me for sooo long that for some reason I just accepted that it was there. Not realizing that there's a door I've never opened.

wow, i totally know what yer saying... i have a few things to comment on first though..

the first part of the quote: church (the building part) makes good people IMO. I see no point in going there unless you feel that you need some sort of instruction on how to live or you feel that the feeling of 'togetherness' makes you stronger. otherwise, as in my situation, why go because I have a conscience and I have morals and I can stand on my own two feet. There is some gon in all of us, whether it be a "defined" god or something else, its there.

2nd part: since, well i dont know since when, but for a while now. maybe when I realized that, in light of 2 of my friends dying, life is not something to waste. I know two people who were taken from me at the ages of 17 and 18, shit thats only like 1/5 of a lifetime and honestly, in terms of experiences, it has to be only around 1/100!!! If you spend all of the time looking into the past or into the future you may miss whats going on now. I know that it is important to plan ahead, but some people do it sooo mucyh that that is ALL that they do.

3rf part: uhhhh..... forgot what i had to say about that,m but im nbot leavin it out. rekonize!


anyways, I personally dont want to have anything to do with predestination. I feel that everything I have achieved is attributed to actions of myself and the support of family and friends. i try not to just go on living passively... in a sense, you have to actually make an effort to actually open 'the door.' Thats why i dont believe in fate. You can chose to get up every morning and whine about work or school and whine about being tired and whine about mondays, or you can chose to get up every day looking forward to a new day to fill with anything you want, a chance to learn and grow, and a chance to make the best of everything.

cheers,
Marc

WOOOOOOOW
Im belgian, its kinda hard lecture to read for me, but from what I read --> I really respect the way u guys think.

Fir3start3r, what exactly happened?
I'm sorry but I didn't fully understand your post.

At least I hope that your wife comforted you at a time of personal doubt and worry

relax man it'll be ok happens to the best of us sumtimes

quote:

Originally posted by AnotherWay83 relax man it'll be ok happens to the best of us sumtimes

Coprrect me if im wrown, fir3start3r, but I felt that that was a GOOD experience... shrug

-M

Well...

From what I read in that post is that some sort of understanding was cleared up, I'd call it an "epiphany" possibly. You've "seen the light" (I hate to be cliche...) but that's prob what it is that's happened. Awesome. I only wish I get that...sometime. I was a bit confused in the beginning of reading your post firestarter but now I get what you're saying.

that was an amazing post.

quote:

But I am now just waking up from this altered state, realizing how much time I've wasted.

catharsis, i can actually pin point it to one night where it started. i feel like a whole new person sometimes. tho I still have my basic values and thought process, something just seems.... different. it's calmed me. my broodings about the past have eased, and I can take on the present with more clarity.

quote:

I'm glad I've gotten this far and I can honestly say that I'm glad of the person I've become but I KNOW I need to get to the next level.

*shakes head* me and my two closest friend had an intricate conversation about this very thing a few nights ago....levels. or "the next level". it was probably the most uplifting conversation i've ever had. the weird part is that i've known the guys for a while now and never knew they had that level of conciousness. i haven't seen them since that night due to work etc and I wonder if our relationship is going to be affected by that one night we simply talked and talked about things you would never think to talk about.

i don't believe that any force has that kind of an effect on you. everything is based on your own experiences, prior thought processes and eventual enlightenment. some people get it , some don't, some sooner than others. and people who have it can in a way tell whether someone else has that quality or close to it and whether it's faked or not. the guardian angel thing I perceive as more of a title to put to this conciousness rather than it's actual existence. does this make any sense whatsoever?

hmm... you had an epiphany.

cool.

use it to your advantage to clear your mind, so you can reason and contemplate, and not as raw emotion that will cloud your judgment.

heheh i hadnt read ur whole post...i guess it was a good experience after all...i just scanned thru it and thought u had become nervous or sumthing...good luck man

and whatd more is you have the "lyrics" from space maneouvers in yer sig!!!! i love that song.

cheers
-Marc

Thanks all.

I don't know if I'd quite call it an 'epiphany'.
After looking that up (cause I wasn't totally sure what that meant), I can say that it wasn't quite that Earth shattering as some other people's experiences tell.
It definately gave me a jolt though.

Today I woke up totally refreshed, on top of the world; and I haven't felt like this in a LONG time.

I want to send shout outs to Julie Spider for your kind MSN messages.
You're the best!

I'm together, I'm alive and now it's time to take that next step and day by day, change my world and in the process, maybe make a small postive change in someone else's, even if for a day.

And I'll start right now....you all ROCK!

Jeff

i guess im expanding on your first post a little, but i feel that in your experience you realized that you want to feel like you have achieved something and are laeding a meaningful life. Like I said, I have had a similar 'epiphany' (i call it an epiphany because I know what was going on to an extent) and that one day, the few minutes it took to understand my feelings, changed my entire life. For instance, television: many people spend hours each day in front of that thing. I think its utterly disgusting how much some of my friends watch TV.. I can honestly say that I NEVER watch any shows, I dont watch the news, I rarely watch movies, and my total time spent in front of that thing in a month probably does not exceed 2 hours. this is only one aspect of my life that changed when I decided that I wanted to die fulfilled and worth remembering. What do people remember about someone who watches tv all day??? So now you know one of my biggest pet peeves..

anyways, my real solution was to make a list. I started it about a year ago and am still working. It, when finished, will consist of 100 things I want to do during my life. Noth huge things, but realistic, unique, whatveer you want type of things. There are 25 "educational" goals, 25 "destinational" goals, and 50 "misc" goals that dont really fit well into the other two.

A few examples are..
Educational: Learn another language, read the teachings of Confucius and Muhammed, Learn how to develop my own film.
Destinational: Sail so far out into the ocean so that I can only see water, drive up the west coast, drive up the east coast, backpack europe, go to alaska and watch the sun set, skirt along the horizon, and rise.
Misc: Change someones life, find out what love really is, cook a 5 course meal, read someone a book, make art for my house.

So you get the idea. I suggest that EVERYONE go and make a list. When you put things down on paper there is a much larger chance of you actually doing it. Its a easy way to enrich your life and make sure you are never bored and 'meaningless.'

cheers,
Marc

very interesting.
I don't have such a list, but I do agree that you should live your life to the fullest.

quote:

Originally posted by SmellsExcellent i guess im expanding on your first post a little, but i feel that in your experience you realized that you want to feel like you have achieved something and are laeding a meaningful life. Like I said, I have had a similar 'epiphany' (i call it an epiphany because I know what was going on to an extent) and that one day, the few minutes it took to understand my feelings, changed my entire life. For instance, television: many people spend hours each day in front of that thing. I think its utterly disgusting how much some of my friends watch TV.. I can honestly say that I NEVER watch any shows, I dont watch the news, I rarely watch movies, and my total time spent in front of that thing in a month probably does not exceed 2 hours. this is only one aspect of my life that changed when I decided that I wanted to die fulfilled and worth remembering. What do people remember about someone who watches tv all day??? So now you know one of my biggest pet peeves.. anyways, my real solution was to make a list. I started it about a year ago and am still working. It, when finished, will consist of 100 things I want to do during my life. Noth huge things, but realistic, unique, whatveer you want type of things. There are 25 "educational" goals, 25 "destinational" goals, and 50 "misc" goals that dont really fit well into the other two. A few examples are.. Educational: Learn another language, read the teachings of Confucius and Muhammed, Learn how to develop my own film. Destinational: Sail so far out into the ocean so that I can only see water, drive up the west coast, drive up the east coast, backpack europe, go to alaska and watch the sun set, skirt along the horizon, and rise. Misc: Change someones life, find out what love really is, cook a 5 course meal, read someone a book, make art for my house. So you get the idea. I suggest that EVERYONE go and make a list. When you put things down on paper there is a much larger chance of you actually doing it. Its a easy way to enrich your life and make sure you are never bored and 'meaningless.' cheers, Marc

That's awesome man!
I have a little list myself; definately going to expand that thing.

TV; huh. I haven't paid for cable in....sheesh....over 8 years?
I have cable now but that's only (since Feb) because I've split it off my cable modem (shhhhhhh.... )
Even then, I only watch the one's I really like. I don't go out of my way for them, if they're on, then fine.
But most of it is garbage.
Garbage in, garbage out.
Try feeding your brain with a good book.
Speaking of books, one that's great is "How to Win Friends and Influence People".
Yes the title sounds corny and at first pass one would think, "Man, someone must really be a looser to have to read that..."
I know cause that's what I thought!
I saw this book once while I was waitering years ago and thought it was a strange book to bring into the restaurant.
Years later this book came back into my life and I thought, what the heck.
After reading it, I was like, this book should be manitory reading in high school!!!
The author had put on page exactly I felt about treating people!

Yes, definately make a list.
If you don't have any idea where you're going in life, you probably won't like where you end up. Sort of like driving to a new city without a map. And be specific about what you want.
Want a car? Ok...what colour? What's the tire size? What colour is the interior? Does it have a GPS system? Heated seats? Sunroof?
Find pictures and post them up.
Pictures in magazines were made to be ripped out.

quote:

Originally posted by Fir3start3r That's awesome man! I have a little list myself; definately going to expand that thing. TV; huh. I haven't paid for cable in....sheesh....over 8 years? I have cable now but that's only (since Feb) because I've split it off my cable modem (shhhhhhh.... ) Even then, I only watch the one's I really like. I don't go out of my way for them, if they're on, then fine. But most of it is garbage. Garbage in, garbage out. Try feeding your brain with a good book. Speaking of books, one that's great is "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Yes the title sounds corny and at first pass one would think, "Man, someone must really be a looser to have to read that..." I know cause that's what I thought! I saw this book once while I was waitering years ago and thought it was a strange book to bring into the restaurant. Years later this book came back into my life and I thought, what the heck. After reading it, I was like, this book should be manitory reading in high school!!! The author had put on page exactly I felt about treating people! Yes, definately make a list. If you don't have any idea where you're going in life, you probably won't like where you end up. Sort of like driving to a new city without a map. And be specific about what you want. Want a car? Ok...what colour? What's the tire size? What colour is the interior? Does it have a GPS system? Heated seats? Sunroof? Find pictures and post them up. Pictures in magazines were made to be ripped out.

hahaa nice. I will def. read that sometime.. gotta go write down the title. Thanks. Anyways, heres where you and I differ a bit... I am adamately opposed to many American values and "traditions" like materialism and egotism. It makes me sick to see some people live for the stuff they own. Compare how most of us live (we have computers, thats a sign of some money..) to how people live in 3rd world countries. Damn, when I was in Costa Rica (yeah im spoiled, thats right and im embarrased about it) people worked on sustinance wages and were perfectly happy. They were way more community oriented and relationship oriented, i just dont feel that same intimacy in America (or where I live at least.) I dont know my neighbors that well, I know my parents dont, but what I can do is develop great relationships with friends and my family, which is very important. im not saying that you are the exact opposite of me, cuz i know you are not, but I wouldnt put things like "i want a car" on a list of life-enriching activities, cars arent necessary IMO. Unfortunately its hard to break away from society in such a dramatic way, withoiut my car I couldnt work, I would have a hard time getting around, and I would feel almost inadequate after bumming rides everywhere, and it sucks, but thats the way life is here. Being born in america could be looked at in two different ways; the best thign to ever happen to me or the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I was born in costa rica or any other 'poor' countrey for that matter, I probably would envy americans, canadians, the haves because I would be a have-not. But in my present situation I cal look at others who arent as fortunate as I am and say god this is a fucked up world where one man in american can make more money than everyone in a few countries combined. Im sure there are all you darwinists out there going, "yeah he worked for it," and its a good arghument, but i just feel that it isnt fair.

Hmm, i really digressed from my original point, but its a good message anyways, at least i like it, and love to talk about how backwards our society is...........

cheers
-Marc

quote:

But in my present situation I cal look at others who arent as fortunate as I am and say god this is a fucked up world where one man in american can make more money than everyone in a few countries combined. Im sure there are all you darwinists out there going, "yeah he worked for it," and its a good arghument, but i just feel that it isnt fair.

Aww.....I certainly hope we're not into Communism or Socialism here.

Now, I many have mentioned materials things but you're right, I did omit the more important things in life, family, friends, health, etc.
You really didn't think I was that one dimensional did yea?

I think we must learn is that business people create jobs, not governments. Governments can 'help' businesses but government run businesses rarely run well (too many examples to site and not really what I want to get into in this post).

There's a theory that if all the world's wealth were spread evenly, in less than 5 years, all the money would be back in the hands of the people who originally had it.
Ask any 'successful' business person why I'm sure they'll tell you.
(And I do mean successful, not just anyone with a business).

Oh yea....cars may not be necessary...til you need one.
I'll be sure to let your Dad know you don't want one...

quote:

Originally posted by Fir3start3r Aww.....I certainly hope we're not into Communism or Socialism here. Now, I many have mentioned materials things but you're right, I did omit the more important things in life, family, friends, health, etc. You really didn't think I was that one dimensional did yea?

no, no communism here, I just dislike how things are sometimes when I look outside of the U.S. Whatever, its a problem that I have no control over and I feel will never be solved, I just wish people would think sometimes about the meals they eat and the cars they drive and shit like that... not everyone is as lucky as we are.

quote:

I think we must learn is that business people create jobs, not governments. Governments can 'help' businesses but government run businesses rarely run well (too many examples to site and not really what I want to get into in this post).

yeah, obviously government issue this and that.. sucky. Gov't jobs, like you said, aren't limitless, and business + "lazzies faire" is what makes america work.

quote:

There's a theory that if all the world's wealth were spread evenly, in less than 5 years, all the money would be back in the hands of the people who originally had it. Ask any 'successful' business person why I'm sure they'll tell you. (And I do mean successful, not just anyone with a business).

yes ive heard of this, and yes, it has to be true based on the raw income of some of these companies here.

quote:

Oh yea....cars may not be necessary...til you need one. I'll be sure to let your Dad know you don't want one...

My point here is not that I will never need a car, but that I dont need a massively expensive sweet ass car to be happy and to feel "american." When i buy my car it may be fucken sweet, but its not something that will go on a lits of life changing things, its just a luxury that people who live in a capitalist and free society can enjoy.

ok.

cheers
-Marc

"destined to act like a Taurus"...?
horoscopes? i dont know ive been trying to figure that one out..they use tricks like generalizations and play with the person's mind cause itll cause a psychological effect so that whenever they read the forecast it falls within what the horoscope says..but then im thinking they cant have possibly pulled all that out of their ass so im part im sure theres sum mystical factor involved.just dont know to which extent...

relevations are an important part of gaining a personal truth but dont let that simply change the whole being you are.

Re: Re: Wierd dream....tough questions....

quote:

Originally posted by SmellsExcellent anyways, I personally dont want to have anything to do with predestination. I feel that everything I have achieved is attributed to actions of myself and the support of family and friends. i try not to just go on living passively... in a sense, you have to actually make an effort to actually open 'the door.' Thats why i dont believe in fate. You can chose to get up every morning and whine about work or school and whine about being tired and whine about mondays, or you can chose to get up every day looking forward to a new day to fill with anything you want, a chance to learn and grow, and a chance to make the best of everything. cheers, Marc

that is what i am saying.

I had a similar experience to Fir3start3r about 2 years ago. I broke up with my first girlfriend after six months, because i had a serious crisis. I had 'moved' to the US for 3 years back then and i wasn't really sure where i 'belonged' in life.. she was all pushy... anyhow. One day, I woke up, broke up with her, went to the gym to work on pushing waits and felt like i needed to do something else. So i left the weight room, went to our indoor track (it was Feb in New England!) and started running, 5 k (like in X-Country during high school). Well, I was never a good runner, nor did i ever like it, but i realized that for once, for 30 minutes, i was able to be ALONE with myself. Many people never realize how that feels and how different it is.
I started running that day. I never missed a day for 3 months straight. By the time, I returned to Germany in May, I had lost 30 lbs, and felt/ looked better than I ever did before. The great thing was that i felt like i had done something that was entirely for myself and i had done it without any help at all. Up to that point, I was constantly faced with people telling me that I was only doing well in school/ college, since my parents are well off and I did not have to work a job while being in school/ college. I was sure that being able to run (I improved my 5 K time from 23 to 19 mins within 3 months) was something that no-one could take away or say that I was only able to do it because of my parents.
At the end of June, I was still running at least 5 times/week usually with my brother in Germany, I was able to do 17 k without stopping, so my brother and I decided that we would run a Marathon in the Fall.
Long story.. I ran my first Marathon that Fall and I have run two more since and I think that one day in Feb of '00 was probably one of the most inflential days of my life. I have changed since in so many ways and I know that I have changed for the better.

i guess my point is that opportunities, like the one you are having right now, do not come along all that often, so take advantage of it.

Drizzt81

quote:

Originally posted by SmellsExcellent My point here is not that I will never need a car, but that I dont need a massively expensive sweet ass car to be happy and to feel "american." When i buy my car it may be fucken sweet, but its not something that will go on a lits of life changing things, its just a luxury that people who live in a capitalist and free society can enjoy.

True story...but I was just buggin'.

quote:

Originally posted by miss_e relevations are an important part of gaining a personal truth but dont let that simply change the whole being you are.

And again true, and I'm not.
But then every experience a person has, has as more or less weight depending on the type of experience and the core values that person has.
Mine for example, has moving has it may have been for me, while it did change me, didn't change me so radically that everyone around would have noticed right away.
But it did help me step back, access, ask questions and help me move forward.
Moving forward being the operative word.
I heard something tonight that stuck a chord with me. The only time someone fails is when they fall and don't get up.

You know....I'm typing this, wondering, why did I choose to share this you all in a Trance Forum? I guess because while we do all have a common thread (uh...Trance? ) we are also all human with different personal struggles.
I guess I choice to share with you because I like to think in some small way, I'm proof that anyone can have problems, but my small resolve will somehow inspire someone else out there.

And you guys a pretty cool buncha Trance nerds too.

And again true, and I'm not.
But then every experience a person has, has as more or less weight depending on the type of experience and the core values that person has.
Mine for example, has moving has it may have been for me, while it did change me, didn't change me so radically that everyone around would have noticed right away.
But it did help me step back, access, ask questions and help me move forward.
Moving forward being the operative word.
I heard something tonight that stuck a chord with me. The only time someone fails is when they fall and don't get up.
[/quote]

well, I think that people might not notice instantly, but last time i had such a revelation -earlier this year- i noticed very quickly. Maybe the changes that one goes through are coming up slowly and then, there is one point when one suddenly realizes..
WHOHA there.. what just happened to me?!?

quote:

You know....I'm typing this, wondering, why did I choose to share this you all in a Trance Forum? I guess because while we do all have a common thread (uh...Trance? ) we are also all human with different personal struggles. I guess I choice to share with you because I like to think in some small way, I'm proof that anyone can have problems, but my small resolve will somehow inspire someone else out there. And you guys a pretty cool buncha Trance nerds too.

because often times, i believe, that in order for us to completely understand what we are thinking we need to share it. By talking stuff out -even if this sounds really ghey to people- we are forced to order our thoughts and therefore will be able to understand _why_ we think the way we think and it makes it easier for us to see errors in our thinking/ reasoning...

apart from that, I feel like i need to talk to my friends about my problems to digest them myself...


btw. I am glad to finally see a thread here with some substance to it. thanks for sharing

Im glad you shared this with us... It is, for me at least, always helpul to discuss something with people, anything, from a break-up to an experience like yours. Also, it gives the resdt of us time to share pieces of our lives and we all get to know each other better and we all have something to look forward to each time we hit that profile button.

Nelson Mandela said, "..as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."



cheers
-Marc

quote:

Originally posted by SmellsExcellent Nelson Mandela said, "..as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." cheers -Marc

i like that quote..

crtl-c crtl-v *g*

just for future reference

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