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Posted by WaxDog on Apr-10-2002 03:03:

VooDoo Penis

I was getting ready to go on a long business trip. I knew my wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so I thought I would buy her a little something to keep her occupied while I was gone. I went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.

I thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. I was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

I explained my situation.

The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" I asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

I laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!"

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.

I took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

I left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while I was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.

I had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.

On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.

He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!" The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,

"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

Posted by Damo on Apr-10-2002 03:15:

ahaha, that's pretty good. never heard it before.

Posted by cycloptor on Apr-10-2002 04:03:

hahahahaha.....thats pretty damn funny

Posted by Drifter on Apr-10-2002 04:17:

heard tons of times but still good

Posted by Nightmonger on Apr-10-2002 04:32:

That would came in hand if you got no gun durin a fight ...

Funny joke !

Posted by Fir3start3r on Apr-10-2002 07:17:

Pretty old, but haven't heard it in a while...

Posted by Gucio on Apr-10-2002 10:58:

Herd it before, but still funny

Posted by Fraggle on Apr-10-2002 15:11:

hehehe, ya it's pretty funny still

Posted by Sadmafioso on Apr-11-2002 05:06:

nice one

Posted by drizzt81 on Apr-11-2002 06:08:

rotfl...
omg i am dieing!!!

lol.. it took me a second but now *cry* omg.. hehehihhihhi

Posted by Sand Leaper on Apr-11-2002 11:47:

LOL!!! Nice one.

Posted by IronDragon on Apr-13-2002 19:05:

Re: VooDoo Penis

quote:
Originally posted by WaxDog

"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

Man I feel sorry for that cop.

Posted by nrjizer on Apr-14-2002 05:15:

unf

Posted by elena on Apr-14-2002 05:30:

heard it a while ago but funny in any case

Posted by yujie__ on Apr-14-2002 21:11:

lol.

Posted by Spyder on Apr-14-2002 21:18:

HAHAH LMAO.... i remember that joke.. hehe..