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-- How to maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
How to maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
How to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1. At lunch-time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation or capitalizing
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the bank machine scream, "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity - e-mail this to someone to make them smile.
It's called "THERAPY"
lol
Re: How to maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Acuariano1951 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". |
I kike this two...! 
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
Re: How to maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Acuariano1951 17. When the money comes out the bank machine scream, "I won! I won!" |
i just usually smear my shit all over my face and scream charlies at ten oclock to show em i mean bizness.
i
aw man
every time i'm going to play pool i end up getting quarters for a dollar at the change machine
and last time i was there, some like 6 year old girl was standing near me and i yelled 'i won!!!!!!' and started jumping up and down and she started to FREAK out
omg lol she ran over to parents asking if she could play 
This is just a lame way to keep some tool in a cubicle from shooting up an office because he isn't going anywhere in life.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Marc Summers This is just a lame way to keep some tool in a cubicle from shooting up an office because he isn't going anywhere in life. |
1. Walk up to Muslim & wipe your dirty hands on the towel wraped around their head
2. Go shopping & fill your trolly up with tissues (totally full). When you get check out say: "Where are the porno magazines??"
3. Rinse out a plastic Ketchup bottle & then fill it up with water. Take it to work & drink from your neat squeeze top water bottle.
4. Stick a sock in the back of your pant for the day.
5. Sign up to TA under an alias & post 'I love Tiesto' threads.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by plastikE LOL just a bit bitter are we? Perhaps the thread touched on a sore subject for ya lol... |
tony danza keeps me sane.
Looks like somebody spends too much time on Myspace.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Xenocreator_PG_ 1. Walk up to Muslim & wipe your dirty hands on the towel wraped around their head |
I first saw this one a few years ago, it's very similar.
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
15. Bite your dentist's finger
16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
18. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
19. Don't stand during hymns and anthems
20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
21. Tell people they have bad breath
22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
23. Flirt with a friend's spouse
24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
25. Shake with your left hand
26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
28. Drum on every available surface.
29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
30. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
31. Honk and wave to strangers.
32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
41. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Annoy Cops
42. Say out loud when he/she approaches you "You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?"
43. Ask to see his gun.
44. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
45. Say out loud "Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!"
46. Slap his hand and say "Bad cop! No donut!"
47. When he frisks you, say "You missed a spot", and grin.
48. After every other sentence oink like a pig quietly to yourself but loud enough for him to hear you.
49. Refer to him by his first name.
50. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
Annoy Your roomate
51. Smoke weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
52. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
53. Twitch a lot when you guys eat dinner.
54. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
55. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
56. Ask him/her to do you a favor and get you a drink, then when they bring it, slowly pour it on the floor.
57. Clip your toenails while watching a movie or eating dinner.
58. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
59. Speak in tongues.
60. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
61. Walk and talk backwards.
62. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
63. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
64. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g."The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
65. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance at art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
66. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
67. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
68. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
69. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
70. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
71. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
72. Eat glass.
73. Smoke ballpoint pens.
74. Smile. All the time.
75. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
76. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
77. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
78. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
79. Paste snot on the windows in occult patterns.
80. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
81. Dye all your underwear lime green.
82. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
83. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
84. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
85. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
86. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
87. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
88. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
89. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
90. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
91. Shave one eyebrow.
92. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
93. Put horseradish in your shoes.
94. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
95. Always flush the toilet three times.
96. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
97. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
98. Give him/her an allowance.
99. Listen to radio static.
100. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
101. Wear sunglasses at night. Bump into things often. Swear loudly.
Annoy your examiner during a Driver's Test
102. Turn the radio on. When the testor goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
103. Beep your horn at everything.
104. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light
105. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"
106. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
107. Fill your car with beer bottles.
108. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
109. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
110. Swear at everybody on the road.
111. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Awesome list
When I worked in the seafood dept at a supermarket, I paged the butchery dept which was so close that we used the same phone, "please take line 1" etc, and they'd come outside to pick up the phone I was holding. Muahaha.
Beat Blog, that is fucking hilarious. I was almost in tears reading those.
| quote: |
| 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!" 19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." |
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