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Posted by Enigmatic XTC on Jun-21-2007 03:01:

Why can't i own a canadian?

Sorry if its a repost.
quote:
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim


Posted by Sunsnail on Jun-21-2007 03:06:

so true


Posted by d_bag on Jun-21-2007 03:10:

Man I would love to see the reply.


Posted by wienerschnitzel on Jun-21-2007 03:14:

lol- i don't think you could respond to that.. maybe: 'oh shit'.


Posted by Frenchie on Jun-21-2007 03:15:

LOL. Never seen or heard about this before. I'd be like, " ummm, err..huh, eyahh"


Posted by Party Monster on Jun-21-2007 03:16:

Can you own something that has no value?


Posted by Enigmatic XTC on Jun-21-2007 03:17:

I think they are all perfectly legitimate questions and i will be looking into buying a canadian. I would rather have a canadian slave, there are too many mexican slaves in the U.S. already.


Posted by wienerschnitzel on Jun-21-2007 03:19:

you can't handle a slave.. and i think it boils down to the fact that the bible was written in another language and translated so many times that things could have been lost or misinterpreted. I also think the bible is open to interpretation.. does that make sense?


Posted by d_bag on Jun-21-2007 03:21:

Let's not forget the bible was written like 2000 years ago... maybe it made perfect sense then

EDIT

The first parts were at least


Posted by DigitalPhoenix on Jun-21-2007 03:21:

I love dickheads that swear by the bible..
you can fuck with them in so many ways it's not even funny

Let me not get started on Mormons - Just finish every sentence with "I swear to God!"
and they will leave your place faster than an illegal Mexican being followed by the inmigration department


Posted by wienerschnitzel on Jun-21-2007 03:23:

quote:
Originally posted by DigitalPhoenix
I love dickheads that swear by the bible..
you can fuck with them in so many ways it's not even funny

Let me not get started on Mormons - Just finish every sentence with "I swear to God!"
and they will leave your place faster than an illegal Mexican being followed by the inmigration department


lol i'm mormon


Posted by Frenchie on Jun-21-2007 03:23:

Mormons still exist? I haven't heard of any around here.


Posted by Sunsnail on Jun-21-2007 03:24:

quote:
Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
you can't handle a slave.. and i think it boils down to the fact that the bible was written in another language and translated so many times that things could have been lost or misinterpreted. I also think the bible is open to interpretation.. does that make sense?


Things like numbers can get mistranslated, but its very unlikely for things like these to get mistranslated.


Posted by Clovis on Jun-21-2007 03:25:

quote:
Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
you can't handle a slave.. and i think it boils down to the fact that the bible was written in another language and translated so many times that things could have been lost or misinterpreted. I also think the bible is open to interpretation.. does that make sense?



I'm sure the original text was much less abrasive and backwards.


Posted by wienerschnitzel on Jun-21-2007 03:28:

oh sod off all of you.. i didn't mean the whole bloddy thing- i was saying that MAYBE as in there could be a possibility, i don't know because i didn't translate the bible.


Posted by echosystm on Jun-21-2007 03:29:

Maybe it's just complete utter bullshit...


Posted by Party Monster on Jun-21-2007 03:30:

quote:
Originally posted by echosystm
Maybe it's just complete utter bullshit...


The Bible? Yep, probably!


Posted by Halcyon+On+On on Jun-21-2007 03:34:

quote:
Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
you can't handle a slave.. and i think it boils down to the fact that the bible was written in another language and translated so many times that things could have been lost or misinterpreted. I also think the bible is open to interpretation.. does that make sense?


Yeah, I wouldn't put it past people over the last few thousand years to add whatever the hell they wanted to the bible through its translations. The history of the King James version just lends itself to being dissected and ripped apart. lol

On the other hand, I guess it wouldn't surprise me that not much was changed at all (fear of god set in to those who might be smited lest they change the word of God?) and that, as someone else said, this made perfect sense back then. If you ask me, one of the biggest faults of religion is its inability to adapt to how the times change and how people develop. But maybe the very nature of a religious institution is to be an unchangeable "rock" in people's lives? Hell if I can say for sure...


Posted by stevieboy32808 on Jun-21-2007 03:36:

ANSWER

To be brief all of his questions can be answered by telling him to read the new testament. He keeps quoting the old testament and completely ignores the justification laid forth by the new testament.


Posted by Halcyon+On+On on Jun-21-2007 03:39:

quote:
Originally posted by stevieboy32808
ANSWER

To be brief all of his questions can be answered by telling him to read the new testament. He keeps quoting the old testament and completely ignores the justification laid forth by the new testament.


I'm really not an expert on religion or anything, but do Orthodox Jews really follow the new testament?


Posted by DigitalPhoenix on Jun-21-2007 03:40:

quote:
Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
lol i'm mormon


Ok, this is meant for ppl I DONT KNOW so stfu,
go to the kitchen and make me a pie!


Posted by infinity HiGH on Jun-21-2007 03:40:

quote:
Originally posted by Frenchie
Mormons still exist? I haven't heard of any around here.


there's a Mormon dinner at my hotel tomorrow.


Posted by Halcyon+On+On on Jun-21-2007 03:42:

quote:
Originally posted by infinity HiGH
there's a Mormon dinner at my hotel tomorrow.


How do they taste?


Posted by stevieboy32808 on Jun-21-2007 03:42:

quote:
Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
I'm really not an expert on religion or anything, but do Orthodox Jews really follow the new testament?

I'm not sure to be honest. My roommate is the religious one. He's the one who cleared up all the misconceptions by this wise guy.


Posted by Party Monster on Jun-21-2007 03:43:

quote:
Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
How do they taste?


Well played!


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