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-- More Little Johnny Jokes

Posted by Pepanee on Apr-16-2002 21:43:

More Little Johnny Jokes

Adding
------

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math.
Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she
stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's
mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his
claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was shocked. She said that she couldn't understand why Little
Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know,
here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

American History
----------------

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but
also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Animal Game
-----------

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.

No one raises their hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good
Sally," the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds
up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"

Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy,"
the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds
up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has
horns like this?"

Still no one guesses.

"Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

Artist
------

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. Miss Baker saw the fly
sitting on the notebook and slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly
away. So she slammed the log once again, again the fly didn't fly away.
This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the log with
the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets
of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened.

Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what
your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman
on a fence and then, for two weeks straight, I had to pull splinters out
of my dick."

Baby
----

Little Johnny asks an expecting woman: "What is in your tummy?"

Woman: "My baby!"

Johnny: "Do you love him!"

Woman: "You betcha!"

Johnny: "Why did you eat him then?"

Beutiful
--------

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could say the word "beautiful" in the
same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet
and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!'"

Better grades
-------------

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made
the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said
"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better
grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."

bigger and dumber
-----------------

A couple with their young son, Little Johnny, decided to spend
a day at a nude beach. After an hour in the sun, the father went
for a walk while Little Johnny played in the water.

After a while Little Johnny came up to his mother and said, "Mommy,
I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So Little Johnny went back to play. Minutes later Little Johnny
returned and said, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than
daddy's.

The mother said the same thing, "The bigger they are, the dumber they
are."

So the boy went back to play. Several minutes later Little Johnny
ran back to his mother and said,"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to
the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"

Bird question
-------------

Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one
of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. "There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone".

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with
the wedding ring on,...but I like your thinking."

Posted by dj_mdma on Apr-16-2002 22:04:

Thats some top quality laughing matter!!

Posted by Gucio on Apr-17-2002 11:18:

I heard some of these before, but still LOL

Posted by serialkillah on Apr-17-2002 11:40:

thanks little johnny is always nice

Posted by Nightmonger on Apr-17-2002 13:07:

Tnx mate, you made me laugh!
Lil' Johnny is a classic

Posted by webmeister on Apr-17-2002 14:46:

Here's another just for kicks

Little Johnny was sitting in his English lesson. Teacher was reading out difficult words from a book. "OK, and who can put the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment then sticks up his hand.

"Last Sunday my dad was driving me to football practice when a truck carrying oranges cut us off at the lights. Going around the next corner, the truck tipped over and spilled it's oranges all over the side of the road. Dad said it would take that contagious to pick them all up."

lol .. little johnny rules

Posted by Spyder on Apr-18-2002 03:08:

ROFLMAO..

my fave
American History
----------------

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but
also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

NICE...