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helping negative people

from
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/20...egative-people/

How to Help Negative People
June 26th, 2006 by Steve Pavlina

Many people have asked me how they can help someone who�s stuck in negative thinking or depression. Here are some tips on how to do that.

No matter what happens, stay positive

I once visited the house of an old acquaintance, and as soon as I saw him, I felt a wave of darkness pouring over me. I regretted stopping by almost immediately. No matter how many times I changed the subject, he proceeded to spin every topic of discussion into an excuse to complain about what he disliked about his life, other people, and the world at large. After 30 minutes I couldn�t take it anymore and had to leave. This man was a major energy vampire, trying to get me to agree with all his imaginary woes in order to validate his victimhood. His dissatisfaction was palpable as I refused to join him in his self-made prison, which only made him want to try harder. But he was getting out of life exactly what he intended. He was a victim because he thought himself a victim.

One of the most important considerations when helping someone in a negative state is that you must avoid falling into negativity yourself. Negative people are energy vampires. They have an almost endless capacity to dwell on what they don�t want, whining and complaining about their lives while denying responsibility for their results. Their fear blocks the natural flow of energy from within, so they must get it from other people instead. After spending a few hours with them, you�ll usually feel drained, tired, worried, or stressed. Positive people, on the other hand, have overcome their fears to such a degree that their energy flows outward. Consequently, they give energy instead of taking it. After spending time with very positive people, you�ll tend to feel energized, uplifted, and inspired. Most people are somewhere in the middle though, so the energy exchange tends to be close to neutral.

It makes no difference what particular circumstances negative people blame for their negative outlook. Ultimately it�s still a choice rooted in free will. No matter how unconscious the person was when making the decision to sink into negativity, in this moment that person still has the power to choose otherwise. So if you decide to help such a person, your primary role is to help guide him to make a more conscious choice, one that will likely be much more empowering.

Cognitive behavioral restructuring.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Cognitive behavioral restructuring.

lol, A Clockwork Orange

start a fight club

Steve Pavlina probably needs the shit kicked out of him. What a pretentious fuckhead.

no one can refuse their inner joy in the presence of a puppy

quote:

Originally posted by SuspicionVandit no one can refuse their inner joy in the presence of a puppy

we had a bulldog puppy that was born without a knee, it was in horrible pain and ultimately had to be put down. That was after we consulted with UW and WSU to see if there was anything at all we could do to help it.

Sometimes a person's pain is real and justified. Being positive in the face of their, "Negative Energy" (what a queer fucking term) dehumanizes their situation and completely ignores the possibility that joy may not be what they need at that particular point.

Telling a woman who as recently been raped and is now pregnant, "Hey, at least you don't have AIDS!" with a big rictus shit-eating grin on your face probably won't cheer her up.

no real specific tips....

quote:

Originally posted by Masonious we had a bulldog puppy that was born without a knee, it was in horrible pain and ultimately had to be put down. That was after we consulted with UW and WSU to see if there was anything at all we could do to help it. Sometimes a person's pain is real and justified. Being positive in the face of their, "Negative Energy" (what a queer fucking term) dehumanizes their situation and completely ignores the possibility that joy may not be what they need at that particular point. Telling a woman who as recently been raped and is now pregnant, "Hey, at least you don't have AIDS!" with a big rictus shit-eating grin on your face probably won't cheer her up.

Well said.Or writen.regardless.Good point. (thumbs up)

quote:

Originally posted by Masonious Steve Pavlina probably needs the shit kicked out of him. What a pretentious fuckhead.

plz elaborate. I have read a lot of stuff on his website and I quite enjoy it.

quote:

Originally posted by Masonious we had a bulldog puppy that was born without a knee, it was in horrible pain and ultimately had to be put down. That was after we consulted with UW and WSU to see if there was anything at all we could do to help it. Sometimes a person's pain is real and justified. Being positive in the face of their, "Negative Energy" (what a queer fucking term) dehumanizes their situation and completely ignores the possibility that joy may not be what they need at that particular point. Telling a woman who as recently been raped and is now pregnant, "Hey, at least you don't have AIDS!" with a big rictus shit-eating grin on your face probably won't cheer her up.

Yep. Very true. We were taught this in school. Validating someone's pain (whatever form it may take) is a major part of quality nursing.

I could use your healing hands on my knee right about now.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Validating someone's pain (whatever form it may take) is a major part of quality nursing.

what, like "yes, i understand you're in pain. but it was YOUR choice to have a prostate exam" ???

quote:

Originally posted by Masonious Telling a woman who as recently been raped and is now pregnant, "Hey, at least you don't have AIDS!" with a big rictus shit-eating grin on your face probably won't cheer her up.

rictus, nice word, also...

This Steve tells it like a big vagina, but he's a point. While there's time for grief, some people make it a policy to bitch as much as possible to anyone who will listen. It's hard to be around them. I know because I was one . There's nothing like snapping out of it .

quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN what, like "yes, i understand you're in pain. but it was YOUR choice to have a prostate exam" ???

LoL, close.

vlad is an energy vampire

quote:

Originally posted by Masonious Sometimes a person's pain is real and justified. Being positive in the face of their, "Negative Energy" (what a queer fucking term) dehumanizes their situation and completely ignores the possibility that joy may not be what they need at that particular point. Telling a woman who as recently been raped and is now pregnant, "Hey, at least you don't have AIDS!" with a big rictus shit-eating grin on your face probably won't cheer her up.

I don't think the point was to ignore people's true pain... it was how to deal with someone who is always negative regardless of if there are actual woes or not.

quote:

This man was a major energy vampire, trying to get me to agree with all his imaginary woes in order to validate his victimhood.

While it sounds like I'm being a "pretentious fuckhead", I have a lot of experience in this field because I'm married to someone like this. Basically, I'm always happy unless something happens to change it, whereas she is always unhappy unless something happens to change it... if that makes any amount of sense.

that sounds fun

When my friends are down, I purchase firearms for them.

The guy is right, and this comes from a negative person.

I'm a motherfucking vampire, w00t.

quote:

Originally posted by Omega_M plz elaborate. I have read a lot of stuff on his website and I quite enjoy it.

sure thing:

quote:

No matter what happens, stay positive

Yeah okay Richard Simmons, i already commented on this idiotic axiom in my last post.

quote:

I once visited the house of an old acquaintance, and as soon as I saw him, I felt a wave of darkness pouring over me. I regretted stopping by almost immediately. No matter how many times I changed the subject, he proceeded to spin every topic of discussion into an excuse to complain about what he disliked about his life, other people, and the world at large. After 30 minutes I couldn�t take it anymore and had to leave.

You spent 30 minutes with an old acquaintance and decided you just haaad to leaaave ohh my Goood soo much neegative enerrrgy geeeeez. Instead of trying to find out what was actually causing that person to be negative or just fucking sit there and listen and at least empathize like a decent human being. Did you...ASK him why he seemed so negative? Again - because you met some acquaintance and decided he should be HAPPPPYYY!!!! That doesn't mean at all he should or that you can't sit there for more than 30 pathetic minutes and try to help him out, if by doing nothing more than sitting there and actually listening to what he's saying instead of nodding, thinking of what you're going to say next then constantly changing the topic of discussion. How fucking annoying.

quote:

This man was a major energy vampire, trying to get me to agree with all his imaginary woes in order to validate his victimhood.

They were imaginary?!!? Holy shit because you just said you spent 30 minutes (most people's morning commute) changing the subject and yet you can say with absolute certainty that his woes are imaginary. Wow - fuck you.

And if 30 minutes of listening to someone bitch classifies them as a MAJOR ENERGY VAAAMPIIIRE you need to toughen up you pussy. If this incident was so traumatizing that you had to write an article about it you have a pretty good life. Prrettyyyy prettyyyyyyy pretty good.

quote:

His dissatisfaction was palpable as I refused to join him in his self-made prison, which only made him want to try harder. But he was getting out of life exactly what he intended. He was a victim because he thought himself a victim.

Oh my God - stfu already. You refused to join him in his self made prison. Well that's a beautiful 6th grade metaphor but there's actually a word for that - empathizing. And it can help people...a lot.

And that, "Palpable dissatisfaction as you refused to join him in his self-made prison" is totally understandable. if i said to someone, "I found the tattered remains of my dog the other day man, i loved that thing so much and a fucking coyote tore him apart for fun." and you said, "Soooo, how 'bout them Mariners?" because you didn't want to join my self-made prison I would instantly go from grief to rage as I slammed your face into a wall repeatedly.

Instead of closing your eyes while he's telling you something shitty that happened and thinking, "Negative energy goo awayyy oh my Godddahh, i will let it flow around me, i am the willow in the wiiinndd"

Then opening your teary eyes and saying, "soooo uhhh - what else is new?"

Try LISTENING you unbelievable asshole.

quote:

One of the most important considerations when helping someone in a negative state is that you must avoid falling into negativity yourself.

No shit.

quote:

Negative people are energy vampires.

That term was so clever you had to use it twice? If you get, "omg sooo draiiined" listening to people complain you need to toughen the fuck up and don't EVER get married.

People complaining is totally natural, grown men with no testicles is much more of a problem.

quote:

They have an almost endless capacity to dwell on what they don�t want, whining and complaining about their lives while denying responsibility for their results.

That's a great blanket statement for everyone going through a rough time dipshit. I've seen *plenty* of people going through rough times that dug their way out of it and yes, they admitted that their situation was their doing. That doesn't fix the problem, make it less real or reduce the impact it has on your life.

quote:

Their fear blocks the natural flow of energy from within, so they must get it from other people instead.

No...just wrong and no and stupid and retarded and dumb and idiotic and just how the fuck are you syndicated again?

quote:

After spending a few hours with them, you�ll usually feel drained, tired, worried, or stressed.

Again, you're a pussy. I've spent hours with people who were going through some really, really rough times and being able to listen to them and let them talk about it actually made me feel better about humanity. We go through rough times and we need someone to be there for us, it's very humbling. Hugging them at the end and telling them you're there for them can mean the difference between them having a horrible day and them having a pretty darn good one.

But it sounds like you fixed that problem for yourself by only spending 30 minutes with people.

quote:

Positive people, on the other hand, have overcome their fears to such a degree that their energy flows outward. Consequently, they give energy instead of taking it. After spending time with very positive people, you�ll tend to feel energized, uplifted, and inspired. Most people are somewhere in the middle though, so the energy exchange tends to be close to neutral.

Energy flow? Energy exchange? I know it's cool in Naruto but it doesn't actually work like that champ.

quote:

It makes no difference what particular circumstances negative people blame for their negative outlook. Ultimately it�s still a choice rooted in free will. No matter how unconscious the person was when making the decision to sink into negativity, in this moment that person still has the power to choose otherwise. So if you decide to help such a person, your primary role is to help guide him to make a more conscious choice, one that will likely be much more empowering.

It's a fucking Hobson's choice sometimes - you go tell a rape victim, someone who has just lost a loved one, someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, someone who suffers from chronic pain that, "they still have the power to choose otherwise, it's a free choice rooted in free will broseph"

Yep, that should do the trick. Now you can get the fuck out of there since you don't care about anyone but yourself, drive home and take a HUUUUUUGE whiff of your own underwear and revel in how unbelievably awesome you are.

quote:

Originally posted by david.michael I don't think the point was to ignore people's true pain... it was how to deal with someone who is always negative regardless of if there are actual woes or not.

i just don't understand how he can jump to the conclusion that, "his old acquaintance" is "always negative" if he hadn't seen him in years and only spent 30 minutes with him.

quote:

While it sounds like I'm being a "pretentious fuckhead", I have a lot of experience in this field because I'm married to someone like this. Basically, I'm always happy unless something happens to change it, whereas she is always unhappy unless something happens to change it... if that makes any amount of sense.

Do you walk away from her problems after 30 minutes or tell her that she's living in a self-made prison and that she's an energy vampire? If you do then yes, you are a pretentious fuckhead, but I highly doubt that's how you handle it.

I love you masonius will you be my dad

quote:

Originally posted by beats and beeps I love you masonius will you be my dad

Masonious is so powerful that he reproduces asexually through sheer will power.

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