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Jokes.
I know this thread has been made one nonillion times, but who cares, here is another.
Post your jokes!
I'll start:
A husband walks out of the bathroom naked and is climbing into bed when his wife says, " I have a headache".
"Perfect", he replies. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with Aspirin. Would you like it orally or as a suppository?"
A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser.
"I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?"
"Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband"
"Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick."
Annnd go!
Re: Jokes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser. "I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?" "Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband" "Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
Hmm. 
Off to a bad start.
that wasn't so bad yan
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."
Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
"An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi."Okay," says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "Now, THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
Prince Charles and Camilla were in bed one night watching the original Godfather movie on DVD. After the scene where the Mafia cuts off the head of the movie director�s prize racehorse and puts it in bed next to the director, Camilla turns to Charles and says: �It must be horrible to wake up in the morning to find the head of a dead horse in bed next to you� and Charles replies, �Ah, you get used to it.�
| quote: |
| Originally posted by DJ_Eternal Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep." |
Re: Jokes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser. "I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?" "Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband" "Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by DJ_Eternal Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep." |
A baby seal walks into a bar.
"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
uhhh... yeah.
Bas & Clovis.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by idoru Bas & Clovis. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jonSun sitting in a tree...... |
President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a government farm one day and were taken around on separate tours. Mrs. Coolidge, passing the chicken pens, inquired of a supervisor whether the lone rooster was sufficient, given the many hens in the chicken flock.
"Yes", the man said, "the rooster works very hard."
Mrs. Coolidge then asked, "Really? The rooster works very hard? Every day?"
"Oh, yes," the man said. "Dozens of times a day."
"Interesting!" Mrs. Coolidge replied, "Be sure to tell that to the President!"
Some time later the President, passing the same pens, was told about the rooster�and about his wife's remark. "Same hen every time?", he asked.
"Oh, no, a different one each time," the supervisor replied.
"Tell that," Coolidge said with a sly nod, "to Mrs. Coolidge."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by idoru Bas & Clovis. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Lilith A baby seal walks into a club. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Fixed for brevity's sake. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Lilith Coming from you, oh waffling writer of essays, that's a funny in of itself! |
whats the saddest thing about 3 black guys in a cadillac driving off a cliff?
they were my friends 
what do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Re: Jokes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser. "I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?" "Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband" "Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
a boy is in a public bathroom when a Marine walks in, in full dress uniform.
"Wow, are you a Marine?" says the boy.
"yes, would you like to wear my hat?" says the Marine.
"you bet i would!" says the boy.
the Marine gives the boy his hat, and goes to the toilet to do his business.
a couple minutes pass,
and the boy is admiring himself in the mirror with the Marine headgear on.
then,
the door opens,
behold is an Army Ranger,
in dress greens, jump boots, and beret,
the light sparkles off of the many medals on the Ranger's chest.
"Wow! are you a Ranger?!" says the boy.
"yes I am." says the Ranger.
"why, do you want to shine my boots?"
"no, i'm just wearing this hat." says the boy.
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