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Posted by limpboy on Sep-20-2007 20:42:

Honest Truth about myself.

I am 19 years old, and I was overweight for the past 18 years of my life, I lost about 140 pounds last year.

Now that you know my story, my truth is that When it comes to finding a girlfriend...I suck big time, everytime I see a girl I am attracted too I dont get nervous, I just know that there is no way she will be ever be my girlfriend, so I dont even try, and when I do try I start getting nervous, its like a loser-cycle am having.

this is my Honest Truth, and I would like any advice anyone can give me, but if you dont have something nice to say, please dont say it.

Posted by UmmiE on Sep-20-2007 20:46:

Re: Honest Truth about myself.

Posted by OutcastTO on Sep-20-2007 20:46:

work on your confidence. I can smell your desperation from here.

Posted by malek on Sep-20-2007 20:46:

you're 19, you shouldn't be worried like that.

Posted by thesauce23 on Sep-20-2007 20:48:

Re: Honest Truth about myself.

Posted by DigDeep on Sep-20-2007 20:50:

quote:
Originally posted by OutcastTO
work on your confidence. I can smell your desperation from here.

This might have something to do with his erectile dysfunction.

Posted by Tordan on Sep-20-2007 20:56:

why do you even think about wanting her to be your gf anyway? i'm assuming you do this when you initially meet the girl, right? well, that is your biggest problem. stop the whole girlfriend thing and talk to her like you don't give a damn.

Posted by Yohan on Sep-20-2007 21:23:

With an username like limpboy, you gotta wonder...

Posted by jchung52 on Sep-20-2007 21:28:

my advice, as said earlier, dont start with the i want her to be my girlfriend notion unless youre just looking for a one-nighter or something. but tbh, i think in your case you shouldnt be looking into that. from my experience, best way to do it is make conversation, want to be her friend, dont be awkward, maintain eye contact (as soon as you lose eye contact, esp during a conversation, it shows signs of weakness), keep a firm stance, dont slouch, appear that you have strong life goals, and dont lie. girls hate a liar. so be honest. and congrats on losing that weight. you should be proud of it and show it. it may be difficult because many have the problem of mentally thinking that theyre still overweight when really they arent (cant remember the proper term for it)

hope that helps.

Posted by afterhrsgurl on Sep-20-2007 21:32:

First of all congratulations on the weight loss...that must feel great! Seems like your problem is that you're too stuck in the past, in the way you used to feel when you were overweight. Your pessimism has obviously become a habit for you and even though habits are hard to break you gotta try your hardest..life's too short to think so negatively about yourself! If you could lose all that weight, I think you're strong enough to change the attitude as well. And you cannot be 100% sure that "there's no way she'll be your gf". How could you know if u never tried? And if you get nervous...so what!...we all do...it'll pass! If you don't feel good and show confidence, the girls obviously aren't gonna see anything good in you either. I'm telling you it's all about the attitude...they way you present yourself..if you feel good, act the right way, they'll see it too
I know i sounded like Dr. Phil right there but i hope it was somewhat helpful

Posted by limpboy on Sep-20-2007 21:41:

It seems that I am stuck in the past, and I do think negativly most of the time, its a habit that I need to change. Another Thing I need to be doing is over-coming my fear and talking to the girls that I am intersted in.

Posted by Jem_hadar on Sep-20-2007 21:52:

Emulate Owen Wilson's fun-lovin' characters in movies... he's just so sly and casually playfully confident.

Posted by pete242 on Sep-20-2007 21:53:

I have met lots of girls, but never dated them, I just talk to em, I can be real personal with them and not even have to go out with them. It's all a matter of not caring. I still get shy though, but if the environment is right, then it's all good, just gotta put yourself in the right place where you feel right and everything else just flows. Doesn't always work though, sometimes it just goes flat, in talkin with girls at events or where ever they just tend to give off the body language that they don't wanna talk to you, at the end of the day you suck it up and say that's their problem and move on, it's nothing personal, they'll do it to 100 guys.

Posted by DaRoZa on Sep-20-2007 22:02:

congrats, i was kind of in the same boat a few years ago, in my last 2 years of high school i lost about 50lbs. I was still "living in the past" for a bit after that, but got more confidence after sucking it up and just talking to girls i was interested in. once you simply realize that a lot of them out there want the cack, you'll have moved on. they also have drugs out there for confidence... it's called alcohol :P

Posted by sufee_b on Sep-20-2007 22:06:

Re: Honest Truth about myself.

Posted by Spin Laden on Sep-20-2007 22:16:

I'm surprised no one here's mentioned popping an 'e'. You'll be asking girls out (with your shirt off) in no time

Posted by UmmiE on Sep-20-2007 22:18:

quote:
Originally posted by Spin Laden
I'm surprised no one here's mentioned popping an 'e'. You'll be asking girls out (with your shirt off) in no time

Dont we all party sober here on TA ?

Posted by yankeeBaby on Sep-20-2007 22:23:

Just pretend like you are the shit even if you know that you are trembling inside. After a while your confidence will increase simply by the positive responses you get from "acting" confident. And stop trying so hard.

Posted by Jem_hadar on Sep-20-2007 22:26:

^^ Yeah.

Fake it like Dexter does.

Eventually when and where does 'pretending' stop and 'reality' actually start?

Posted by MarkT on Sep-20-2007 22:36:

quote:
Originally posted by Tordan
why do you even think about wanting her to be your gf anyway? i'm assuming you do this when you initially meet the girl, right? well, that is your biggest problem. stop the whole girlfriend thing and talk to her like you don't give a damn.

+1

don't think that far ahead. just talk to people and go from there.

too high expectations = you'll constantly be disappointed

(by expectations, I don't mean how she looks...I mean jumping too far ahead and thinking 'gf').

attraction is obviously important...but compatability and genuine feelings go a lot further if you're looking for a gf and not a casual fling.

exhibit SOME confidence and positivity too...it's an attractive quality if you think highly of yourself (or at least don't think negatively). If YOU don't like you, what makes you think a girl will?

Posted by malek on Sep-20-2007 22:41:

if I had lost 140 pounds in one year, I would be swimming in confidence... its so hard loosing weight that approaching girls seem trivial.

Posted by afterhrsgurl on Sep-20-2007 22:42:

quote:
Originally posted by Spin Laden
I'm surprised no one here's mentioned popping an 'e'. You'll be asking girls out (with your shirt off) in no time

ya so he can look like this if the girl's sobber she'll be like wtf! lol

Posted by limpboy on Sep-20-2007 22:45:

quote:
Originally posted by malek
if I had lost 140 pounds in one year, I would be swimming in confidence... its so hard loosing weight that approaching girls seem trivial.

well that seems to be the expected result...but I lost it by having an eating disorder and doing alot of drugs, which I stopped doing, and re-converting that energy into school and gym.

Posted by Moral Hazard on Sep-20-2007 22:50:

Re: Honest Truth about myself.

quote:
Originally posted by limpboy
I am 19 years old, and I was overweight for the past 18 years of my life, I lost about 140 pounds last year.

Now that you know my story, my truth is that When it comes to finding a girlfriend...I suck big time, everytime I see a girl I am attracted too I dont get nervous, I just know that there is no way she will be ever be my girlfriend, so I dont even try, and when I do try I start getting nervous, its like a loser-cycle am having.

this is my Honest Truth, and I would like any advice anyone can give me, but if you dont have something nice to say, please dont say it.

I've been where you are now. I grew up as a fat kid. I didn't have much luck with the ladies, got to the point I didn't even try, I just took what I could get. When I was 21 I lost 110 lbs. I looked good on the outside but still felt like a fat kid, I still just presumed women were not attracted to me. It wasn't until a very attractive (and thankfully very aggressive) young lady showed a rather clear interest in me that this attitude started to change. I then went on to have a string of short term relationships, one night stands and drunken hook-ups... which, as aweful as it sounds, allowed me to build up some confidence in myself.

My recommendation... start paying attention. There are women out there that will be interested in you, the problem is that you aren't noticing. Once you start to notice the ladies showing interest your confidence will improve... confidence makes people more attractive. My alternate recommendation... try to convince yourself that you're the shit. Just keep telling yourself that, eventually you'll believe it and that will result in greater confidence... which brings the womenz.

Posted by Moral Hazard on Sep-20-2007 22:52:

quote:
Originally posted by Spin Laden
I'm surprised no one here's mentioned popping an 'e'. You'll be asking girls out (with your shirt off) in no time

Sadly, that did help me a lot too.

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