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-- the almighty ****ed up/twisted/dark jokes thread
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the almighty ****ed up/twisted/dark jokes thread
you know, those that will make you laugh and feel bad for laughing at the same time
im off to work so ill just copy/paste 2 of them and i'd love to see what will you come up with
Q. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A. A pedophile.
Q.What's the number one cause of pedophelia?
A.Sexy children...
lol
Q: Why's it so small? (in relation to miniature granola bar)
A: Thats what she said
Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q: What's the good thing about f***ing twenty four year olds?
A: There's twenty of them! 
Q. What do you do to a deaf, blind, and mute girl after you rape her?
A. Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
Why did the Al Qaeda wanted couple of mentally retarded women?
To strap couple of suicide bomber vests on them
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jennypie Q. What do you do to a deaf, blind, and mute girl after you rape her? A. Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by cenik Old but good. |
Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive?
A: Cause she was a woman!
Q: Why Couldn't Ray Charles Read?
A: Cause he was black!
Q: Whats the best way to kill a fox?
A: Give it cancer and make it run across Canada.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Rodrico Q: Whats the best way to kill a fox? A: Give it cancer and make it run across Canada. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Rodrico Q: Whats the best way to kill a fox? A: Give it cancer and make it run across Canada. |
Couldn't find the family guy scene on youtube but here is the dialogue...
Man: Say Phil, what do you say to Happy Hour after work?
Phil: I'd say looks like Cheryl's gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbours.
[both laugh]
Phil: Come on, I'm buyin
| quote: |
| Originally posted by exstasie Q: Why Couldn't Ray Charles Read? A: Cause he was black! |
You went racial!!
Do racist jokes count as *&^%ed up, twisted and dark ??? because I have many...
Q.What do thousands of battered woman every year have in common?
A.None of them know when to shut the fuck up.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Zentac_75 Do racist jokes count as *&^%ed up, twisted and dark ??? because I have many... |
As the White Shadow says:
"With great power to offend comes great responsibility."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Invasionmix You went racial!! Q: What's the most confusing day for a black kid? A: Father's Day! |
These are very old so at the risk of sounding lame....
Q: How do you tell if girl from buttfcuk Kentucky is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
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Q: How does one save a woman from being raped by 5 black guys ?
A: Throw them a basketball.
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Q:How do you circumsize a Polak ?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
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Q: Why did God give women feet ?
A: To walk from the kitchen to the bedroom.
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Q: Why do women take longer than men to reach orgasm?
A: Who cares?
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Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
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This is the version I heard...
Q. What do you do to a deaf, mute, parapalegic girl after you rape her?
A: Call your friends !!!
Edit: I feel obligated to sugar coat this thread.
Q:What is green and sings ?
A: Elvis Parsley 
What the hell? When did Polaks become the incest nationality? haha
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews into a car?
A: You stuff them in the ashtray
| quote: |
| Originally posted by infinity HiGH What the hell? When did Polaks become the incest nationality? haha |
You know you're a South Asian when...
1) When there is a sale on toilet papers, you buy 100 rolls.
2) You use dishwasher as a dish rack.
3) You save grocery bags, mostly to hold garbage.
4) You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
5) You majored in Engineering, Computer Science, or Medicine.
6) No one you're related to is a music major.
7) When you go to a dance party, you stand close to the wall surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
8) You feel like you got a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
9) You always look phone numbers up the Yellow/White page rather than making a 411 call.
10) You only make long distance calls after 11 pm.
11) You like the meat well done.
12) You've joined a CD club at least once.
13) You avoid motels especially if there is an acquaintance within 250-mile radius of your destination.
14) You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car.
15) The car you own is most likely a Camry or Accord.
16) When you dine out (very rarely) you think that $1 is a good tip.
17) You head towards the clearance section as soon as you walk into a store.
18) Your favorite brandname is "IRREGULAR".
19) A pungent odor of spices hits as soon as someone enters your home.
20) You call fluoroscent lights "tube lights" and a flashlight a "torch".
21) When you travel to your country you tie up your luggage with a rope to keep it from opening apart.
22) You get very upset when the airline agent refuse to accept ur luggage which is just 60 pounds overweight.
23) You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk two miles barefoot just to get to school.
24) You call an older person you never met before "uncle".
25) When your parents meet a stranger and talk for a few minutes, you discover he is your distant cousin.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by UmmiE Q.What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A.A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by cenik Too far |
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