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The best Craigslist post EVER!
This guy was attempting to sell some basic cinder blocks over CL, and apparently, he received one-too-many of the wrong kind of e-mail. You can tell where the new and colorful edit came in.
Although the posting has long since expired, it's received plenty of circulation.
Warning: Lots of profanity:
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| I have approximately 275 to 300 cinder blocks for sale. They are standard 8"x8"x16". They cost about $1.75 plus delivery fees if you buy them somewhere else. I'm asking $1.00 per block. You pick them up and move them yourself. Please don't waste my fucking time with endless emails. These are plain old cinderblocks, for fuck sake. You don't need to do an engineering study on the feasibility of using these fucking things as building material. That's what they're for, you fucking idiots. Now listen, we're all busy people here. You want the blocks? Come get the fucking blocks and give me one dollar for every block you take. How fucking hard is that? You don't have to tell me what you're building. I don't give a fuck. I'm not interested in helping you build it either. Why? Because I don't give a fuck. I just want to get these fucking things off my property. So if you want them, get the fuck over here with some money and take them. The next fucking moron that emails me with "I'm building a blah blah blah, and was wondering if..." The answer is NO. Come get the fucking blocks and build it yourself. If I knew how to do masonry, don't you think I'd be using the blocks myself instead of selling them for half fucking price? What the fuck is wrong with you people? The next one of you fucking jackasses that emails me with some sob-story bullshit is getting his email address added to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list. You want the blocks? Come get the blocks, and don't fuck with me! |
Fuck. I actually need about 200 blocks to build a wall in the garden. I wonder if he'd have mailed them to england 
looks like someone was having a good day.
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| Originally posted by Ian Fuck. I actually need about 200 blocks to build a wall in the garden. I wonder if he'd have mailed them to england |
| quote: |
| You pick them up and move them yourself. |
LOL! So awesome. I feel like I wrote it myself!
sounds like when i worked retail.
majority of customers would give me this whole backstory on why they wanted what they were looking for.
funny, but I've seen better ones
old but good
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| Advice for woman seeking $500k+ earning man What am I doing wrong? Okay, I�m tired of beating around the bush. I�m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I�m articulate and classy. I�m not from New York. I�m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don�t think I�m overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that�s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won�t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she�s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level? Here are my questions specifically: - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won�t hurt my feelings -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I�m 25)? - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I�ve seen really �plain jane� boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I�ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What�s the story there? - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out? - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY Please hold your insults - I�m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I�m being up front about it. I wouldn�t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn�t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth. |
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I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I?m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here?s how I see it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here?s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here?s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity?in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won?t be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you?re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold?hence the rub?marriage. It doesn?t make good business sense to ?buy you? (which is what you?re asking) so I?d rather lease. In case you think I?m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It?s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as ?articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful? as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn?t found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn?t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you?re going about it the right way. Classic ?pump and dump.? I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know. |
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| Originally posted by Cro_Addict |
| quote: |
| if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know |
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| Originally posted by jennypie LOL! So awesome. I feel like I wrote it myself! |
that reply was sooo freaking awesome hahaha "you're a depreciating asset" hahhaa
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cro_Addict |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cro_Addict I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know. |
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| Originally posted by wotyzoid HAHAH OWNAGE!! Did she reply?? |
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| Originally posted by wotyzoid HAHAH OWNAGE!! Did she reply?? |
I want some motherfucking blocks.
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| Originally posted by Paradox Lost Hey, HEY! We're talking about the CL post that I PUT UP HERE! |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Paradox Lost Hey, HEY! We're talking about the CL post that I PUT UP HERE! |
Yeah, just breeze into my thread and steal my thunder. 
Oh well, there's always room for hilarious CL posts!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Paradox Lost Yeah, just breeze into my thread and steal my thunder. Oh well, there's always room for hilarious CL posts! |
Re: The best Craigslist post EVER!
| quote: |
| I have approximately 275 to 300 cinder blocks for sale. They are standard 8"x8"x16". They cost about $1.75 plus delivery fees if you buy them somewhere else. I'm asking $1.00 per block. You pick them up and move them yourself. Please don't waste my fucking time with endless emails. These are plain old cinderblocks, for fuck sake. You don't need to do an engineering study on the feasibility of using these fucking things as building material. That's what they're for, you fucking idiots. Now listen, we're all busy people here. You want the blocks? Come get the fucking blocks and give me one dollar for every block you take. How fucking hard is that? You don't have to tell me what you're building. I don't give a fuck. I'm not interested in helping you build it either. Why? Because I don't give a fuck. I just want to get these fucking things off my property. So if you want them, get the fuck over here with some money and take them. The next fucking moron that emails me with "I'm building a blah blah blah, and was wondering if..." The answer is NO. Come get the fucking blocks and build it yourself. If I knew how to do masonry, don't you think I'd be using the blocks myself instead of selling them for half fucking price? What the fuck is wrong with you people? The next one of you fucking jackasses that emails me with some sob-story bullshit is getting his email address added to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list. You want the blocks? Come get the blocks, and don't fuck with me! |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cro_Addict old but good The reply: |
Browsed the "Best Of Craigslist" just now and found this one from Seattle...
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| I want to fuck a peroxide-blonde richbitch daddy's girl. I want to fuck a hotter, younger, stupider (if possible) version of Ann Coulter. You preferably grew up on Mercer Island and had your 16th birthday shown on "My Super Sweet 16." It's okay if you're only a republican because your parents are and you don't even know how many houses Congress has. At the very least I want to fuck a girl who wears a cross and thinks the Iraq War is a great idea. I'm am a skinny-jean wearing hipster who goes to Evergreen [incredibly liberal, "green"-supporting pothead college, for the CORs who don't know], supports Dennis Kucinich and only listens to mix tapes of obscure 70's pop. I am sick of cool, interesting girls who are more likely to make out with other girls than me. I want the most bland, insipid cockgobbler on this side of the Cascades. I've always wanted to blow my load in your lip-glossed, bubble-gum chewing mouth, but class, social groups and a sense of morality have prevented me. Your pictures get my smarmy pretension. |
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| I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company. I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl. We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully. Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity. At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri. So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it. Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically. It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready. I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared. She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?" Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper. I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately. I tell her simply, "You're screwed". Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared. I continue. "I am sterile" Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it." I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine." This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes." I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine." I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing. I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing. Epilogue - I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women. The Moral of the Story - Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret. |
lol.
I like the NAMBLA comment.
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