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Posted by limin_li on Jun-10-2008 05:16:

Okay I rarely rent on this board but......

Seriously guys no joke here..

I've been seen this girl for about 4-5 months now, and I really like this girl. We have lots of things in common, eg programming language and of course electronic dance music. Over the last couple weeks, she has been doing the same thing she was doing during month one and two. She is not looking for a relationship yet. Yet she is still wants hang out with me during the weekends. Now one part of me is saying, dude forget it, you deserve better. The other part is saying, dude stay where you are and see where is this going. I am in a messed up situation here because I want to move on but I can't and I want to stay with her but I can't and will not want to.....


HELP!!!!!

PS, if you want more details, I am more than happy to do so.......


Posted by dimadelux on Jun-10-2008 12:08:

pics or stfu


Posted by SebG on Jun-10-2008 12:33:

Rant*


Posted by ReenTeenTeen on Jun-10-2008 13:51:

stay with her if you have the nurve get with her program or be a man and make a choice.


Posted by ludawg23 on Jun-10-2008 13:57:

simple...never, ever let a girl control your emotions if you guys are not in the same boat. Better to let it go now than to get your heart broken 10x worse in the future.


Posted by GUBostonDubs on Jun-10-2008 15:10:

quote:
Originally posted by ludawg23
simple...never, ever let a girl control your emotions if you guys are not in the same boat. Better to let it go now than to get your heart broken 10x worse in the future.


Exactly!


Posted by DJ_Lord on Jun-10-2008 15:12:

dude...this is perfect...hang out with her on weekends and shit, meanwhile u look for another girl and then make the swap...she set it up for u bro...take advantage of it..u gotta play her game and beat her at it too!


Posted by vtec junkie on Jun-10-2008 15:32:

fuck the ever living shit out of her then go find yourself another lady. you will see how fast she comes running back to you. lol


Posted by Konijn on Jun-10-2008 15:37:

keep her as your stress-free sex & clubbing buddy until something better comes along [this is what she's doing with you in case you hadn't realized]. embrace your situation.


Posted by GTS3gEclipse on Jun-10-2008 15:39:

And the transformation of NYTA to the COR is complete....


Posted by ReenTeenTeen on Jun-10-2008 15:43:

quote:
Originally posted by vtec junkie
fuck the ever living shit out of her then go find yourself another lady. you will see out fast she comes running back to you. lol


at which point you differentiate between slut and a lady?


Posted by chimera66 on Jun-10-2008 16:28:

4 - 5 months is a long time and if you don't have a relationship now then you probably never will. you guys have fun together on weekends so just accept that and don't ask or even expect more frm her in particular. if you want a real relationship go find someone who wants one. in your hunt you can keep the current girl around because it's not like you are exclusive so you can do whatever you want.

quote:
Originally posted by GTS3gEclipse
And the transformation of NYTA to the COR is complete....


yep it's true...


Posted by phoenixBEBE on Jun-10-2008 16:28:

depends on whether you can handle 'going with the flow' and keeping it somewhat casual till *further* notice -- and yeah i agree, this would be the perfect situation for a guy also. altho i do think 4-5 months is a bit long to be undecided about things. u either want to be with someone or you don't...

if she is undecided cuz shes *too* much into the club scene, id either 'lose' her or do the FWB thing. seriously.

go with ur gut...if u think shes stringing you along, sit her down and say you want the option of seeing other people. See what she says. Have the conversation, at least you'll know where you stand for sure, and you're also letting her know in advance whats going to happen, and then she can't come back whining and crying about assumptions & all other bs. Then go ahead and do your thing


quote:
Originally posted by ludawg23
simple...never, ever let a girl control your emotions if you guys are not in the same boat. Better to let it go now than to get your heart broken 10x worse in the future.


I agree with this, it goes for any situation where ppl aren't on the same level.


Posted by kadomony on Jun-10-2008 17:04:

attraction is not a choice. if you're not making out/having sex with her in addition to hanging out(i'm guessing that's what you mean by relationship) best to let her go and find someone else.
don't stay with her dude, she'll be an emotional drain on you since you'll always be trying to get her into a relationship which she obviously doesn't want with you or now.
other girls will sense that and it'll actually hurt your chances with someone new.

cut and run man! you can still be friends with your current girl, but get it out of your mind about the relationship thing. don't see her nearly as often (2-3 times per week at most if possible)


Posted by Freak on Jun-10-2008 17:26:

www.laddertheory.com


Posted by DJ_Lord on Jun-10-2008 17:30:

quote:
Originally posted by vtec junkie
fuck the ever living shit out of her then go find yourself another lady. you will see out fast she comes running back to you. lol


INDEED. and if she doesn't come back, fuck it, you still fucked the shit outta her... win-win situation if you ask me.


Posted by yankeeBaby on Jun-10-2008 17:33:

quote:
Originally posted by vtec junkie
fuck the ever living shit out of her then go find yourself another lady. you will see out fast she comes running back to you. lol


hahah loves it! perfect advice!!



every situation is different, but to be honest, I have been in the girls position.

I met my current BF and was NOT intersted in a relationship. We did the "hang-out" thing for about 4 months before I really realized that I needed to be with this man.
He really wanted to be in a relationship almost as soon as we knew each other, but I was having too much fun being single and pushed him away (in the sense of a committment).

She MAY be in the same boat as me, and she MAY come around. but you ought to know after 5 months if this is the type that will do so, or if she is just stringing you along.


Posted by DJ_Lord on Jun-10-2008 17:35:

quote:
Originally posted by Freak
www.laddertheory.com


DUDE, that's genius!

"...As to the first point, that of money. Well most guys know that women dig guys with money. Would Donald Trump be fucking models if he wasn't rich? That question is rhetorical. Now I don't even believe this is wrong, I think it is just nature. But I also think women who are this way (and it is almost all of you) should be honest and admit that they are basically whores, and stop saying bad things about the so-called "actual whores" who are just trying to earn an honest living."

HAHA. Thank you!!


Posted by chimera66 on Jun-10-2008 18:02:

^there is a difference between wanting someone with money and wanting someone successful. people who tend to say earn their own money exude confidence which is what women are attracted to so more times than not those successful guys happen to have money. it is also a sign of stability and let's admit it we all want economic stability. i have plenty of friends male and female who want to marry rich and i don't see anything wrong with that. it's not about money per se


Posted by kadomony on Jun-10-2008 18:07:

quote:
Originally posted by chimera66
^there is a difference between wanting someone with money and wanting someone successful. people who tend to say earn their own money exude confidence which is what women are attracted to so more times than not those successful guys happen to have money. it is also a sign of stability and let's admit it we all want economic stability. i have plenty of friends male and female who want to marry rich and i don't see anything wrong with that. it's not about money per se


yea srsly, ladder theory is nothing but a joke.
although, there are some truths in it, it doesn't make a point to expand on them.


Posted by JayRP on Jun-10-2008 20:33:

I'm broke, and I'm confident, any takers?..


Posted by DJ Eco on Jun-10-2008 20:42:

quote:
Originally posted by DJ_Lord
dude...this is perfect...hang out with her on weekends and shit, meanwhile u look for another girl and then make the swap...she set it up for u bro...take advantage of it..u gotta play her game and beat her at it too!



+1


Posted by limin_li on Jun-11-2008 01:21:

Thank you all for the response. My take on this is that she is really taking her time to making a decision meanwhile she wants to know if she can spent the rest of her 4-5 years with me.

What really happened is that, she broke up with her first boyfriend last August (2007) She has been with him for four and half years. This is the first time she branch out to the Asian guys. I just happened to be the first victim.

Let me what you guys think :-)


Posted by DJ_Lord on Jun-11-2008 02:19:

i hear what youre saying but if shes insecure about her future and at the same time feels insecure about her relationship with you...cause by now it should be at least close to that....then you should dump her, not worth it..yes i realize u really really really like her, but unstable girls are not worth it, just move on and find yourself a better fish...being cold-hearted will help u in this situation


Posted by DJ Eco on Jun-11-2008 02:39:

quote:
Originally posted by limin_li
Thank you all for the response. My take on this is that she is really taking her time to making a decision meanwhile she wants to know if she can spent the rest of her 4-5 years with me.

What really happened is that, she broke up with her first boyfriend last August (2007) She has been with him for four and half years. This is the first time she branch out to the Asian guys. I just happened to be the first victim.

Let me what you guys think :-)



The more you sit off to the side and wait for her to "make her decision", the more she sees she's got you by the balls I know cos this happened to me too... The more you desperately try and convince her that it'll work out, the more she will be turned off, and then you have a relationship going on because she feels bad to cut it off... If you give her the "if it's meant to be, then we'll end up together" and give her MADD space, then she'll be more drawn to you. By mad space, I mean, go a long time without calling or talking to her, go out with other people, etc.... She'll see how much it sucks for her to be on the sidelines and come to you.


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