This has to be an alt (mildly good comedy inside)

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-- This has to be an alt (mildly good comedy inside)

Posted by Yohan on Sep-26-2008 22:18:

This has to be an alt (mildly good comedy inside)

quote:
Originally posted by Christ Fortier
Good day denizens of Trance Addict,
After reading through several pages of this review thread I could no longer contain my rage and therefore feel the need to let off some steam. I feel that, since all of you were kind enough to review my dj set, I should be polite and return the favor.

Ok so my review of the crowd at digweed at guv:

K, so like I got there at like 11 pm and OMG the excitement was flowing through the air, like omg so many familiar faces I couldn�t believe how sick the atmosphere was, lots of Barbie dolls, lots of stellas and some Asians, and also a huge overabundance of EDM noobs, obviously it was going to be a magical night.

I get on the decks and I decide to kick things off with some light micro- prog-house-drug-pig -tech trance that usually works well to kick things off, and I made sure I kept eye contact on the crowd the entire time. Even when using the crossfader or switching records, not once did I divert my attention from the crowd.

See when I dj, it�s like I�m babysitting or teaching a kindergarten class. Sometimes during my dj sets, I�ll yell at someone in the crowd : �Hey , you there, Billy, take that cigarette out of your mouth young man! Don�t you roll your eyes into the back of your head at me boy, look at me when I talk to you�. I like my fans to know that I care and that we have a connection.

So about half an hour into my set, even though I�ve definitely been staring into the crowd nonstop, I noticed nobody is really looking back at me. At this point I felt an acute sadness because I realize that people�s drugs haven�t kicked in enough to appreciate my music, so I decide to kick it up a notch by playing some prog-tech-bootycore-fruitbat trance, and I really thought it would get the crowd moving.

Suddenly , some Chinese guy named chinamon starts taking pictures all up in my face, breaking my concentration and for a moment I had to look away from the crowd. It was from this moment on that disaster ensued. My turntables began to skip uncontrollably because my hands were shaking from anger�anger that this Chinese cameraman had broken my connection to the crowd.

I could no longer contain my anger and frustration. I wanted to tell this Chinese guy to go take pictures of stellas somewhere else and he just yelled back at me in what sounded like Cantonese. But it was no use, before I had a chance to convey my thoughts to him again he was gone and had darted back into the heaving crowd of drugged out swaying Asians, never to be seen again.

When my gaze returned to the crowd my anger and frustration were only multiplied as people began to turn their heads away from me and in other directions; towards cell phones, plastic stella d cups and sweating body builders sans their shirts. Angry text messages that read �OMG PILLS R SO GOOD, SO WASTED, MUSIC IS THE SUCK� were being sent out furiously from the crowd. I had lost this mighty battle of music at the guvernment. And it was all because of that stupid guy.

So a big fuck you to the crowd at Guv what a shitty fucking group of retardos with no appreciation for good EDM whatsoever. I�m sorry I didn�t play enough epic breakdowns and armin van buren tracks for your retarded tastes so next time please stay home and listen to your stupid GU cd�s, and continue oblivious and ignorant to what any sort of real edm music really sounds like.

Thank you.

Chris Fortier

p.s.

I�ve seen better crowds at all ages raves you useless piece of twat vomit.

Posted by woscar on Sep-26-2008 22:23:

Is that from the TOTA forum?

Edit: found it! http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&forumid=12&postid=9190841#post9190841

Posted by RJT on Sep-26-2008 22:23:

I once made an error on a tracklist and titled something as a "Christ Fortier" remix.

Posted by Ian on Sep-26-2008 22:24:

It's someone who hates asians, likes being abusive and thinks he's better than everyone else, so it's either a superstar DJ or mattsanity

Posted by woscar on Sep-26-2008 22:25:

quote:
Originally posted by Ian
It's someone who hates asians, likes being abusive and thinks he's better than everyone else, so it's either a superstar DJ or mattsanity

mattsanity is not that clever

Posted by airwalker1 on Sep-27-2008 01:58:

holey cow batman is this shit for real?

Posted by iammesol on Sep-27-2008 02:09:

lol, wow. There needs to be an identity test on accounts like that

Posted by Jake Benson on Sep-27-2008 05:14:

Re: This has to be an alt (mildly good comedy inside)

I LOLED my fucking ass off at these to parts:

quote:
Originally posted by Christ Fortier
...light micro- prog-house-drug-pig -tech trance that usually works well to kick things off

and

quote:
Originally posted by Christ Fortier
...heaving crowd of drugged out swaying Asians

Posted by Direct on Sep-27-2008 05:36:

You guys suck.