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Long distance relationships

Is your loved one away? Are you in a new city, or has your significant other gone to a different state... or country, perhaps? Are you feeling lonely, but you're still reluctant to share your homemade sammich with that hot coworker/classmate that has desperately invited you to Subway for lunch so you could share your deepest sammichical secrets? You're not alone. I'm going to be with you soon.

Tomorrow, at 5 PM in Brazilian time (8PM UTC), my fiancée is flying to Nagoya (JP), and will spend at least 3 years there. I really think it's going to be hard to keep this relationship intact for so long, specially because I probably won't go to live in Nagoya even if I do go to Japan in the near future. So, I decided I'm going to do the following 3 things to cope with the distance:

• Do anything but live like a hermit: I'm friends with far more girls than guys, so if I decide to stick with my girl in spite of this new context of blooming hotness and potential epic wins because I don't think they're worth pursuing... that is a sign that this is indeed what I want;
  
  
• Keep in touch. This bit is obvious, I guess;
  
  
• Keep working on my goals. The busier the mind, the easier it is for the heart.

I do my wife is in Pakistan right now and Im here in Kana Duhh.

i've done it... short-long distance and long-long distance.

it takes an incredible amount of commitment, as well as open and honest communication. as long as you've got that, you'll be fine.

it can also be a test as to whether or not that person is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. i'm assuming she is, considering the fact that you two are now engaged... so i wish you both the best of luck.

check ur PM marcus

can't wait for the pics!

so 3 years in different countries and most likely you won't see each other a single time during that period?

Thanks Mindy

quote:

Originally posted by l�id i've done it... short-long distance and long-long distance. it takes an incredible amount of commitment, as well as open and honest communication. as long as you've got that, you'll be fine. it can also be a test as to whether or not that person is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. i'm assuming she is, considering the fact that you two are now engaged... so i wish you both the best of luck.

That's exactly how we see it. We've been together for almost 5 years now and, although I sometimes vent here about how I'm mad at one thing or another, I think there will always be some "friction" in a relationship, and I've learnt to cope with many of her differences just fine.

In any case, I think it's time to confirm whether I'm right, and, if I'm right, it's all set

Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Is your loved one away? Are you in a new city, or has your significant other gone to a different state... or country, perhaps? Are you feeling lonely, but you're still reluctant to share your homemade sammich with that hot coworker/classmate that has desperately invited you to Subway for lunch so you could share your deepest sammichical secrets? You're not alone. I'm going to be with you soon. Tomorrow, at 5 PM in Brazilian time (8PM UTC), my fiancée is flying to Nagoya (JP), and will spend at least 3 years there. I really think it's going to be hard to keep this relationship intact for so long, specially because I probably won't go to Nagoya even if I do go to Japan in the near future. So, I decided I'm going to do the following 3 things to cope with the distance: Do anything but live like a hermit: I'm friends with far more girls than guys, so if I decide to stick with my girl in spite of this new context of blooming hotness and potential epic wins because I don't think they're worth pursuing... that is a sign that this is indeed what I want; Keep in touch. This bit is obvious, I guess; Keep working on my goals. The busier the mind, the easier it is for the heart. Any other tips? Have you ever been in a(n un)successful long distance relationship? What was it like?

You will def. have sex with one of those friends. Guarantee.

Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Lira in a(n un)successful

Haha, I liked the way you used parentheses.

Anyway, I think it's not worth it. Three years is just too much. There is a saying "Far away from the eyes, far away from the heart." and I believe in it, especially when so much time is in question.

3 years away and even if you go to the same country you probably wouldn't bother to visit? how much do you want the relationship to work?

Lira, i hate to say this, but sorry it is over.

quote:

Originally posted by l�cid ... short-long distance...

I guess this could be considered what I'm in right now? She lives 26 miles away and it takes me 30 minutes to get to her place. Though, the distance isn't really that big of a deal since I sleep/"live" at her place four or five days of the week.

*shrug*

Re: Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by nchs09 You will def. have sex with one of those friends. Guarantee.

I hope not. But, should that happen, I'm going to yell Thank you Mexico! as I take her bra off, and do it for your country

quote:

Originally posted by tubby 3 years away and even if you go to the same country you probably wouldn't bother to visit?

Huh? I just said (or meant to say) it will be unlikely that I will go to the same city. Of course I would go visit her!

Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Any other tips? Have you ever been in a(n un)successful long distance relationship? What was it like?

It worked for me.

We did the long distance thing for two years (Washington DC & south of England) and I moved soon after I graduated from University. I travelled over to the US every 6-8 weeks, sometimes for a short a time as a long weekend, arriving back in the UK and going straight to lectures or seminars at Uni. My wife, then girlfriend, made the trip over every three months or so as she was in her junior and senior year so required a bit more time to study than I did.

We have now been married for 2 1/2yrs. I'd really struggle to do it again though, if one of us travels for business I realise how much I depend on her to function.

It's hard. It isn't for everyone but I just knew she was the one and vice versa and it worked out for us. One of my wife's friends is in a long distance relationship but she's not too good at it. Her boyfriend seems to be on engineering assignments at various points around the globe for 6 months at a time and they don't get to see eachother too often. She's a serial cheater (in her own words!) and has been sleeping with a friend from Uni who lives in the area. She didn't get much sympathy from my wife when she mentioned it!

Brazil to Japan though, that's tough going...

quote:

Originally posted by UmmiE I do my wife

also this.

I say it's over. That's a huge distance, a long time and in-frequent visit will further the gap. Sorry but MANY things change in 3 years.

By the way, I know it's going to be tough. But, I've always had many opportunities to go to Japan, and it's just a matter of time until I get there. That's why I don't care much about the 3 years.

And, if we break up, well... at least I tried. I don't like to give up unless I feel I've really done all I could, specially if it's something that matters to me.

quote:

Originally posted by CranberryJuice check ur PM marcus

Read it, thanks - I'll write a thoughtful reply later

yeah... she lives a city away. 40 mins by car but i dont drive. its a bitch to say the least...

i was with this girl in a long distance for over 6years, she lived in india and i lived in new york, i'd go visit her every 5-6months, we would talk a lot over the phone, email and online and video conferencing. but distance makes a lot of misunderstandings, specially if one of us is insecure, in my case i was, useless fights over god knows what. and too much talking on the phone/online makes for lack of communication wen u actually see them. and a lot of times u get sexually frustrated, it was hard to control but i did and never cheated on her. the truth is u need a lot of understanding, patience and trust to pull it off.i knew she was the one and vice versa but unfortunately we broke up a month back. im not over her but im trying.

Distance will definitely 'make or break' a relationship.

Unfortunately it wasn't the distance that broke the relationship I had with my Argentinian (Buenos Aires) girlfriend. It was the United States embassy, when they denied her a tourist visa.

quote:

Originally posted by coolestrl i was with this girl in a long distance for over 6years, she lived in india and i lived in new york, i'd go visit her every 5-6months, we would talk a lot over the phone, email and online and video conferencing. but distance makes a lot of misunderstandings, specially if one of us is insecure, in my case i was, useless fights over god knows what. and too much talking on the phone/online makes for lack of communication wen u actually see them. and a lot of times u get sexually frustrated, it was hard to control but i did and never cheated on her. the truth is u need a lot of understanding, patience and trust to pull it off.i knew she was the one and vice versa but unfortunately we broke up a month back. im not over her but im trying.

See, now that's just... no.

Re: Re: Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Lira I hope not. But, should that happen, I'm going to yell Thank you Mexico! as I take her bra off, and do it for your country

W00t... i would also liked to be informed by you bumping this thread

quote:

Originally posted by idoru See, now that's just... no.

u r right i wont advice anyone to get into one. specially after puting everying into a relation and it does not wrok out it hurts.
it was not just one sided, we both put equal amount of energy and efforts, but the fucking distance killed it. and now im here spening all day in the c0r lol.

yes im a guy and im saying it hurts

Re: Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Gauss Haha, I liked the way you used parentheses. Anyway, I think it's not worth it. Three years is just too much. There is a saying "Far away from the eyes, far away from the heart." and I believe in it, especially when so much time is in question.

hmm... I think you're on to something I've been pondering for a while.

But, what would worth mean in this case? There would be no solid gains? Given the difficulties, maybe it would be wiser to just end it all, I agree with you. In that case, I'd be doing something certain, and I would be able to meet (and get to know) more girls sooner than I would if we broke up after a couple of years. It would be the rational choice.

However, I just followed my heart on this one, and this kind of choice makes me who I am. I've always been a tenacious idealist, and trying has always meant a lot more than achieving (not that I don't like the prizes, of course I do). The simple fact that I'm trying makes this thing worth it for me.

Just a different worldview, I guess

quote:

Originally posted by elFreak can't wait for the pics!

Oh, my girlfriend gave me her camera. There WILL be pics! I mean, what pics are you talking about?

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