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Chat lies

How often do you lie to simply keep a conversation going?

For example, there's a friend of mine that is a great conversation partner. When someone is telling her a story, and asks her something on the lines of "Hey do you know what X is? Have you ever done Y? Ever been to Z?", she simply says "No, please tell me about it", even when that's simply not true. Sure, sometimes you forget what you did in the past (so, it wouldn't really be a lie, based on what you remember), but you could deliberately lie in order to keep your interlocutor speaking. I'm even reluctant to call it a lie, because in practice, you're actually saying "No, I've got no relevant experiences to share with you right now so I'd rather listen to your take on it", instead of "No, I've never done such a thing in my whole life".

What do you think? Do you ever do that on purpose? If so, why? If you think it's stupid, have your say

Personally, I can't recall doing that, but I think it's a good conversational strategy. In my case, though, I'm a terrible liar so I'd end up contradicting myself sooner or later

I'm actually a cunt that way a lot of the time. I always remind my friends/bf when they've told me a story or some shit before...a.k.a., I don't want to hear it again, lol.


edit: Nevermind, I obviously didn't even read your whole post, lol.


No, I don't lie about shit like that. For what reason? Stupid men and their egos, lol.

im surprised you didnt say boobs once in that long paragraph

quote:

Originally posted by Nrg2Nfinit im surprised you didnt say boobs once in that long paragraph

Hey, I talk about that kind of thing more often than I talk about breasts. I started talking about boobs more often because I thought I was taking myself too seriously, and didn't really like it.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie No, I don't lie about shit like that. For what reason? Stupid men and their egos, lol.

I, for one, think it's a good idea to show I'm interested on what the person is saying, shifting the attention away from me for a while. How is that related to men and their egos if you can do that to girls as well?

Lying would mean they want to tell me everything and give me every specific detail. Which means more talking from their end.

When all I want them to do is shut the fuck up.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira I, for one, think it's a good idea to show I'm interested on what the person is saying, shifting the attention away from me for a while. How is that related to men and their egos if you can do that to girls as well?

Ah. I misread/misunderstood what you were saying then.


I dunno. At the end of the day, no, I'm not going to lie about my interest or lack thereof in a conversation. It's sort of like lying about having an orgasm: nobody really benefits from it. If I'm not willing to actively listen to someone, I think it's rude to fake it.

Fuck other people. I only ever lie to get myself out of trouble.

not really

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie It's sort of like lying about having an orgasm: nobody really benefits from it. If I'm not willing to actively listen to someone, I think it's rude to fake it.

But what if you are genuinely willing to listen to someone, and you simply refrain from sharing your experiences because you want to hear more from the other person?

I think you didn't really misunderstand me in your first post regarding the purpose of doing such a thing. However, I think you just ignored the fact that it could've worked the other way around (e.g. let's suppose you tell me how awesome it is to play paint ball, and ask me whether I've ever given it a try - I could simply say "no" so you could go on and tell me why you think paint ball is awesome).

i prefer just to let natural laws of attraction create interesting conversation

quote:

Originally posted by Lira But what it you are genuinely willing to listen to someone, and you simply refrain from sharing your experiences because you want to hear more from the other person?

Then I'd say, "Yeah I've done that, but I'd like to hear about your experience."


What's the big deal?

i lie to get out of conversations, not to keep them going.

a lie isn't necessary in your example regardless of whether you want that particular conversation to continue or not.

I agree, Alon. I don't think you've got to lie to keep the conversation going (otherwise there would be severe bootstrapping issues with human conversation ), it's the implications that got me interested on this behaviour.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Then I'd say, "Yeah I've done that, but I'd like to hear about your experience." What's the big deal?

I don't think it's a big deal because that's what I'd do. But, I don't think both statements really convey the same message... all I'm trying to do is to understand this different way of speaking because I think it's something much more interesting than it seems.

When you say "Yeah, I've done that, but I'd like to hear about your experience" you're making it explicit that the thoughts of your interlocutor are more important to you than your own (and you may be later asked about your thoughts as well, which you may just not be willing to share for whatever reason). When you say "no", however, what kind of advantage would that bring? It could be a better way to keep the focus out of you, even though I don't think most people would ever choose to do that

Note to self: never have a conversation with Lira.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Note to self: never have a conversation with Lira.

Too late, Jenny

quote:

Originally posted by nefardec i prefer just to let natural laws of attraction create interesting conversation

Such as? And what do you think would be an unnatural law of attraction, by the way? This kind of white lie I'm talking about?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Too late, Jenny

Oh this? No no, this is just an exchange of lies.

if you don't contribute anything to a conversation, you're not really participating in said conversation, are you?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira When you say "Yeah, I've done that, but I'd like to hear about your experience" you're making it explicit that the thoughts of your interlocutor are more important to you than your own...

No, that's not it at all.

^^^ Then what do you think it is? I know that's not the best possible definition one could come up with but I'd like to hear your version

quote:

Originally posted by Psy-T if you don't contribute anything to a conversation, you're not really participating in said conversation, are you?

It depends. Conversations happen in rounds, so to speak. If you think you could wait a little longer before introducing a new topic or idea, and you'd like to keep your rounds as brief as possible until you feel you can give a more interesting contribution, then why not do it?

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Oh this? No no, this is just an exchange of lies.

Clever line, Jenny. For the first time - ever - I'm going to have a quote from another TA in my sig

btw, i don't recall ever asking that type of question, other than maybe to make sure whoever i'm speaking to has the relevant background knowledge on the topic before telling of my experience.

in your examples, i got the sense that the questions would be asked out of politeness, as in a request to proceed.

quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN Fuck other people. I only ever lie to get myself out of trouble.

This

quote:

Originally posted by Lira ^^^ Then what do you think it is? I know that's not the best possible definition one could come up with but I'd like to hear your version

mine is: it sounds unnatural to begin with, at least in the english language; it's either leaping over a few back-and-forths, or it's going into far too much detail. thus it would hamper a conversation.

quote:

Originally posted by Psy-T mine is: it sounds unnatural to begin with, at least in the english language; it's either leaping over a few back-and-forths, or it's going into far too much detail. thus it would hamper a conversation.

Yes! This is what I'm trying to get at! It can be said, but you'd end up saying what could be an irrelevant piece of information, and that's superfluous. Unless, of course, you do want the other person to know you'd like to abstain from speaking for a while. But what's the difference between doing that and not doing that?

There, I think that's an easier version of my original question. Thanks, Alon

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