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FAO: liberalism
Liberals are followers of the religion of the state, which was started by their savior FDR and his two sons, Jimmy Carter and Nancy Pelosi. Liberalism promotes sexual promiscuity, which is strange as most champions of liberalism on the internets are white male virgins. Liberals are over 9000% more likely to suffer from a disease which makes them so open minded that their brains fall out. They are also part of the cancer that is killing human civilization. Known for their hatred of America, themselves, white people and God, they are much maligned on LJ, TV and IRL. This group typically believes that there is no natural law or such thing as morality and diversity is good (as long as you are not a conservative, fetus, or a white person). Likewise, they strongly oppose killing ******s and believe that you should be able to burn a flag whenever you want because of the "First Amendment". Ironically, they believe the Second Amendment is meaningless. To be a liberal you must first worship the liberal god, Al Gore. If you ever venture into a college campus, you will find that at least 100 percent of the people there claim to be liberals when in fact, they are just doing it because they think it makes them rebellious.
To put it short, liberalism is emo in political form.
Fundamental Beliefs
Liberals love to play the 'victim' game; in leftist thought, everyone is always oppressing someone or something, be it males, heterosexuals, whites, Christians, or Capitalists (i.e. the people responsible for every technological and civil advancement in human history), there is always an oppressor lurking in every corner. This is because liberals are, at their core, self-defeating. Liberals hate themselves and use this self-loathing as a tactic; for example, liberals tie themselves to trees, lay down on the ground in front of police, etc. They also believe that "the status quo iz evil" and is always wrong in all cases, with no exceptions whatsoever, and that everyone who disagrees with this is just an "oppressive white racist sexist homophobic xenophobic right-wing christian extremist/fundamentalist fascist imperialist NAAAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIIII !!!1!!11!111oneoneoneeleven".
And they believe, on the flip side, that no one should ever have the right to call liberal views what they are - "garbage".
So much for tolerance, huh? Such loving and kind people!
Liberals tend to bring out the infamous 1984 bogeyman, and believe in ever-increasing powers of the state, and seek to eliminate the power of the individual to resist the omnipotent power of law through guns, which they seek to pry out of your cold, dead fingers. They fail to see the lulz that 1984 is about a socialist country. Most claim that we are being MINDFUCKED BY CORPORATIONS, YOU INFERIOR FOOLS!!! The most extreme ones will be the ones saying "Peace and happiness, man!" while planning to steal gas or oil to make more fire bombs which they can then throw through the windows of a US Army recruitment center or a Hummer dealership. They are also very vocal opponents to government oppression, except when it comes from their own party or foreign dictators.
Education
Young Americans are brainwashed at most colleges and universities into thinking that white, male Americans are evil; diversity is to be worshiped above God; Communism will save all of their asses. None of these things are true, but if you point that out to your average professor you will be arbitrarily failed. Just ask Ruth Malhotra.
Liberal professors believe in showing garbage such as An Inconvenient Truth and Sicko in math class - when those movies have absolutely NOTHING to do with math and only serve to mentally jack them off.
Universities, thanks to the pollution of student bodies by these demon seed of Ward Churchill and Dana Cloud, are the last place normal people will find freedom of expression. Instead, they will find death threats from their fellow students should they refuse to take a course entitled "Modern Queerology in Redneck America".
A crappy movie was made about this; it contains Frodo from LotR, the chick from Annapolis, and the dyke from Girl, Interrupted.
Religion
Basically Environmentalists. Liberals also are stridently anti-Christian and pro-Islam, which means by extension they support terrorism and wish to rape and murder God's gift to America, the Bush twins (even though it's already easy to fuck them: just ask them politely). Liberals are generally Jewish, depressed and love abortions, which is only second to drinking the blood of newborns in their pantheon of hatred and godlessness.
Liberals prefer to suck the cocks of Islamofags while surrendering large portions of their freedom to Arabs who wish to destroy it. For this reason, liberals are enthusiastically facilitating Islam's takeover of Western Civilization by showing support of a barbaric culture which would have them stoned to death if they showed their ankles in public.
Economy
In diametrical opposition to the values on which America was founded, liberals believe that mankind is hopeless without government intervention. They trade individualism, initiative, and self-reliance for government paternalism which stems from not being taught to manage their money by their single mothers. In other words, liberals are not happy unless the government is doing everything for them which they should be doing for themselves -- such as masturbating. According to a study conducted by the nation's top physicians, liberals are prone to severe depression and aggression whenever the long, thick cock of Government is not embedded in everyone's rectums.
The irony about liberals' hatred of the rich is that many of the richest men and "womym" in the world are actually self-loathing leftwing nutcases. Not to mention the fact that liberal households in the US are wealthier than conservative households, which pretty much debunks the entire myth of "the rich Republican." Of course, only about 1 out of 9000 people actually know this because the media is controlled by liberals.
(People who are in favor of small government and call themselves liberals, are either anarchists that flunked Political Science 101, dipsticks that can't tell the difference between classical and modern liberalism, or VERY confused libertarians. 'Nuff said.)
When you confront a liberal, they prefer to be called a "LIEberal", because it's clever, and one must wear a big smile on their face and speak down to them with a stern tone as if they were a child throwing a tantrum. Liberals are also obsessed with some company called Haliburton, so presumably they must have stock in that company. Just dismiss their rants about how great they are doing, and tell them you�re glad that they�ve invested well in a great American company. Be warned, prolonged exposure to liberals has been proven to cause random dismemberment due to menstrual blood traveling at fantastic velocities.
Environment
Liberals believe that the rights of poison ivy and spotted barn owls trump the rights of human beings. They have concocted a massive hoax known as "Global Warming" so that they may continue to subject private citizens to buttsecks under the guise of "saving the planet." Liberals tend to advocate abortion on demand while protesting against the barbarism of mousetraps.
Liberals have tree senses. For example, whenever a man chops down a tree for firewood, liberals' tree senses start to tingle in their lower regions and can tell a tree is in danger. This sense is used so liberals can hunt down the man and organize a fundraiser/protest/sit-in/orgy to protect the tree.
Buttfucking rights
Liberals are often deathly afraid of anyone who doesn't worship fags and dykes and labels them "homophobes", which means "one who is afraid of fags". This is another example of how Liberals abuse the English language in the name of political correctness, since people who hate fags or are indifferent to "gay rights" are not, strictly speaking, afraid of them. Don't mention this to a liberal though, because they will launch into a rant about how English is a language created by privileged white males and therefore they can redefine words and suffixes at will.
NEW Liberals
Use this pic to troll liberals.
Use this pic to troll liberals.
Fur******ry and Liberalism go together so well.
Fur******ry and Liberalism go together so well.
Used and displayed with pride by all liberals
Used and displayed with pride by all liberals
Rap is liberalism in the form of music.
Rap is liberalism in the form of music.
The sub-category of "New Liberals" can be broken down further into two types of new liberals.
1. The hood-rat. This newbie became "politically active" when one of these gangsta's put on the 10 o'clock news to see their homeboys' mugshot,but had to wait for all the boring stories about the war and economy first. While waiting for the non important news to finish a report on Barack Hussein Obama comes on. After he figures out that Obama is PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE,and not a terrorist, the gangsta feels so over-joyed about the possibility of a President who is "JUST LIKE HIM!!!1!!!one!". And, after all George Dubya Bush doesn't care about black people!!
ANYWAY, That gangsta gets SOO excited that he shoots his gun, which signals all his other homies to an immediate meeting. He then explains that they could finally have someone who understands them in office. When all the gangsta's return home to tell their baby momma's the good news. The next day at da salon rumors about their being a black candidate circulated faster than the white girl who scuffed their nikes. Finally when the last black person in America,Oprah Winfrey, caught wind of the black candidate the REAL campaigning finally started. Hood men, women, and children began wearing "OBAMA" shirts in an effort to help their messiah become the president. Very soon every John McCain supporter became labeled as a closed minded racist **** who doesn't want to help their country. Damn Republicans ALWAYS tryna' bring da Black Man down! Throughout the campaign even the "far left" Republicans opinions' were silenced due to fear of going against Obama. Finally when Nov. 3rd rolled around every hoodrat made sure to set there alarm on their stolen cellphones just to make sure they wouldn't sleep in since they aint got no job,and FORGET TO VOTE!!!!!!!!ONE!!!111!!1
In a nutshell this type
1. Has no idea what Obama stands for,but figure he must be just like them since hes black too.
2. Doesn't have a clue what or how the electoral college works
3. Will give an ass whoopin' to anyone who is for McCain because if your against Obama you must be a racist.
4. Was most likely going to vote democrat anyway BECUZ I BE NEEDIN DAT WELFARE CHECK SO ME AND MAH BABY CUD LOOK FLY!
5. Or not even going to vote at all.
NEXT: The vegan, tree-hugging, war-hating, LGBT, humane, PETA-crazed, marijuana-smoking Liberals. This breed may even be scarier than the above type. This type came most strongly into play during the Vietnam war. The modern Hippie Liberal could possibly be the most annoying type of person evar. These lunatics start off as being a pseudo-liberal 99% of the time. These little creatures use being a liberal as a way to fit in with cool art kids who are liiikee soooo smart, and know oh so much about the world. How do these indie fucktards become such smart philosophers and creative thinkers? Because they have reached the noble and wise age of 19. After the pseudo-liberal is initiated and "in" with the COOL RADICAL-LIBERAL KIDS!! he or she begins to get brain-washed by their new "friends". After a full transformation from loner to awesome indie kid, the newly-turned vegan can (and will) begin rerouting other possible zombies. Luckily, finding fresh meat to transform is not a hard task at all since more than 75% of people ranging from 16-21 smoke pot, thus making them already "half way there!!!11!!!". Although most Liberals "start to see the light" during college, a rise of high school liberals are emerging. The HS liberal is usually influences by their older siblings who most likely attend Mills College or something of the sort. After a summer vacation of being brain-washed by their older siblings, the newly enlightened HS sophomore is eager to return to school to share his/her superior opinions. Upon returning to school he/she will brag about: smoking pot(BUT LYK DONT WURRY IM STILL SMART N STUFF)and their opinions on legalizing it, going vegan, but forgot to check all the food labels when they had the munchies, how smart and intelligent they are, ALL their philosophies and ideas on EVERYTHING and how it would make the world "perfect" if someone would just listen to them!!1!!!1!!!. Every desperate loner will eat up their every last word in hope for a friend. When the HS lib. finally has a stable posse they spend 95% of their free time recruiting other possible liberal zombies. This can go either one of two ways. The victim may either happily agree to take on the groups beliefs SINCE DEY WER LYK TRYIN TO GET IN WIT DA ART CLUB/DRAMA CLUB KIDS ANYWAY BC DEY TOO UGLY TO BE POPULAR SO THIS WAS DA NEXT COOLEST THING IN LINE!!1!!11!! In very rare cases a very ill-informed newbie tries to recruit either a "popular bitchy rich WASP" type or a "hippie-hating neo-nazi" type. After the hippie-hating nazi begins to verbally abuse and tear apart the recruiter the large group of grungy looking libs appear and "debate" the defenseless neo-nazi by yelling out retarded facts without giving the innocent hippie-hater a chance to get a word in edgewise. These people grow up to be naked protesters, in jail for forced incest, and not much else. That is of course if they even make it to age 30. As you know many of these people will die tragically in the most ironic ways like a protest for peace that suddenly gets violent, or suffocating after accidentally falling asleep with their gas-mask bong on and lit, or possibly from hugging a tree so hard the branches shake and a rare poisonous spider falls out killing them instantly...the same species of spider they were protesting against mass-euthanizing of the critter.
ways to spot this breed
1. Long wavy hair on head, under armpits, legs, pelvic area, and facial for both men and women.
2. Outfits consist of earthy colors, t-shirts advertising some cause or person, acadia sandals, ANYTHING MADE OUT OF RECYCLED MATERIAL
3. Seen constantly trying to debate and push their "superior" idea's on people who don't really give a fuck. Sometimes resulting in aggravated person harming the annoying parasite.
4. Carries their nalgene water bottle and autographed copy of Fahrenheit 9/11 everywhere.
The Liberal Cult is a growing epidemic sweeping teh nation. If it weren't for rednecks, racists, and the rich, America would be a 103% far left country. And yes 103% totally makes sense in the fantasy world of the Donkey.
Australian liberals are conservatives
Because Australia on the opposite side of the world, everything they do is fucked up, and that means they call conservatives liberals. Leftard Australians had learnt that the rest of the world had no idea what the fuck they were on about, so they now resort to using the terms "small L liberal", for a liberal, and "big L Liberal" to refer to the conservative's. If you encounter an Australian that does this, punch them in the face and steal there beer as required by australian law.
So did this steaming pile fall directly out of your brain, or did you get it from somewhere?
Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by iTranscendence |
Conservatism
From the same page that the "article" in the first page comes from. people really need to post links to the source.
No U.
copypasta'd caricatures of extreme views... always funny and original.
ah who fucking cares.. ***Clicky Me***
Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by iTranscendence In other words, liberals are not happy unless the government is doing everything for them which they should be doing for themselves -- such as masturbating. According to a study conducted by the nation's top physicians, liberals are prone to severe depression and aggression whenever the long, thick cock of Government is not embedded in everyone's rectums. |
w00t Barack Obama
This is a failure on so many levels.
I am now dumber for reading that.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Renzo I am now dumber for reading that. |
Re: Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Spam Now do conservatives! ...they have no problem dropping bombs on the houses of innocent Islamic civilians will work. |
Re: Re: Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by The17sss January 23rd: Obama orders Predator drone attack in Pakistan village, kills at least 3 children. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/ne...icle5575883.ece April 15th: US air strike in Afghanistan kills 6 civillians.... shhhh, Obama is president. http://sudhan.wordpress.com/2009/04...in-afghanistan/ May 6th: 80-120 civillians killed in US air raid in Afghanistan... shhh, Obama is president. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/wor...-civilians.html June 23rd: Predator drone air strike on funeral kills 60 in Pakistan.... shhh, Obama is president. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/24/w...ref=global-home Spet. 4th: US jet drops two 500 pound bombs, kills 70 including several Afghan civillians.... shhh, Obama is president. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090904.../as_afghanistan |
Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Clovis I don't think responding to joke stereotypes is particularly necessary. |
ITT: c0r libs get butthurt by stereotypes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by iTranscendence ITT: c0r libs get butthurt by stereotypes. |
did any of you guys ever tally up bush's death toll?
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by The17sss at least not when the facts are inconvenient. |
Anyone who identifies with an identifiable political standpoint is a clown in the first place who deserves stereotyping. That goes for uneducated, gun-toting, wife-beating Conservative simpletons just as much as crybaby failed-artist liberal hippies.
Life is not black and white.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Clovis Butthurt? The only thing you've accomplished here is reinforce the fact that you're a fucking complete moron with an 8th grade sense of humor. |
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FAO: liberalism
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Clovis Facts about what? I'm not sure what you're trying to prove here with that post. That because civilian deaths occurred during military operations under the Obama watch, that the same stereotype applies to liberals because we have a Democratic president? Because, truthfully, I doubt anyone on either side of the aisle, at least who holds government office, enjoys seeing civilians die in war. I don't think that is anyone's goal. |
Here is a black and white version of American ideologies in a nutshell.
Conservatives are for economic liberties but not social liberties. Liberals are for social liberties but not economic liberties. Reality lies somewhere in the middle as liberals advocate a mixed economic system while conservatives advocate almost no state enterprise. Conservatives care whether the 10 commandments is posted on a government building but couldn't give two shits when two consenting adults who happen to be gay want the same rights as all married couples. Conservatives confuse me with their anti-government rhetoric but when they'r in power, they shut right the fuck up, even when their government expands into a gigantic national security state. So much for being anti-government.
That's my rant. And this is a MUST READ!!
| quote: |
| I am a conservative. This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school. After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department. And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right. |
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