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Big problem... heeelp!!

Okay, I've got a problem here

I just broke up with my girlfriend because of several reasons:

- she lied to me about her age (She told me she was 18, but instead she's 16 )

- She had a real bad yought (Raped by her father..)

- She has almost no selfconfidence

- She is out of work and does not go to school at the moment

- We where fighting alot!

I think it's quite clear that I broke up

I told her that I wanted to be friends anyway, but the problem is whenever we go out to a club/disco it ends up we are having sex!!
(We go almost every weekend!)

For me it's okay to only have sex, but I have different feelings about it. Whenever we have sex, it's awesome (ofcourse hehe!), but the day after I feel realy bad about it.. Like I'm only using her for the sex!

And even worse is: she keeps phoning me, like we are still together!

What am I supposed to do now??
I told her several times that I don't want to go on like this, but it doesn't matter, it keeps on happening!

Advice Plzzz!!

Re: Big problem... heeelp!!

quote:

Originally posted by junis I told her several times that I don't want to go on like this, but it doesn't matter, it keeps on happening! Advice Plzzz!!

Wie staat hier nu sterk in z'n schoenen h�?!?!?!

well, why can't you talk to her? does she understand that you're only *friends* and nothing more? prove to yourself that you didn't only use her for sex.

Solution 1: Hit her hard and say "Stop calling me, bitch" You'll lose a friend, but she won't call her.

Solution 2: This is hard, but just say no don't have sex with her.

Solution 3: Have a good talk with her and make sure she understand your just friends and stop having sex with her.

stop having sex with her for one.
2- sit down and tell her exactly how you feel

Well,

I think I have proven to myself that I don't use her only for sex.. But it feels that way!
I'm always there to pick up the phone if she has problems. I'm always there for her.. but it's too much imo..

Maybe the whole "friend" thing doesn't work....?

quote:

Originally posted by Munken Solution 2: This is hard, but just say no don't have sex with her.

I guess that's the way to go for me... I shouldn't follow my dick!

quote:

Originally posted by junis Maybe the whole "friend" thing doesn't work....?

maybe you should reconsider your definition / understanding of the term "friend".

screw the feelings mate, its puzzy, wtf are you talkin about feelings and shit? cut the crap and fukk her more.

quote:

Originally posted by Endre screw the feelings mate, its puzzy, wtf are you talkin about feelings and shit? cut the crap and fukk her more.

Hense why most guys turn into Jerks, dick heads, and idiots...

If you realy want to get rid of it.. Dont start with it..
slow down... when you go to a club or disco .. whatever... try to entertain your self with other girls.. and push her towards being with other guys.. tag a friend along.. try to hook them up if it's a possibility.. but do it slowly.. you dont want her to get the idea that your shoving her off..

or you can totaly ignor her.. which would make you a bigger jerk ..

but yes.. not much more you can doo.. i think..

alright, print this pic, take it with you wherever u go, then whenever you feel like doing it with her again, take out the pic and look at it, that'll do it

quote:

Originally posted by Julie_Spyder If you realy want to get rid of it.. Dont start with it.. slow down... when you go to a club or disco .. whatever... try to entertain your self with other girls.. and push her towards being with other guys.. tag a friend along.. try to hook them up if it's a possibility.. but do it slowly.. you dont want her to get the idea that your shoving her off..

This is the kind of advice I needed! Thanks Julie!

I think it shouldn't be a problem when I don't love this girl anymore... But I still got feelings for her, that's what makes it difficult!

I even get a little jalous when she's flirting with other guy's.. Strange huh?

quote:

Originally posted by Dj_Activated

HEY! at's Mimi Bobeck, in't it? won'tya go postin' picters of me lova on dese phorums, mun, it ain't no good, y'nderstand?

quote:

Originally posted by junis I even get a little jalous when she's flirting with other guy's.. Strange huh?

that's absolutely normal and it's present in like 99.9% of all ex-relationships. it's like they always say, "after we broke up i feel that she/he must not date and should be unhappy, desperate, and lonely"

quote:

Originally posted by Endre screw the feelings mate, its puzzy, wtf are you talkin about feelings and shit? cut the crap and fukk her more.

If that isn't the most chauvinistic thing I've heard I dont know what is

It seems like this girl is a bit messed up emotionally (from what you said about her and her past) and that she's using sex as an emotional crutch (i.e. using it to fill an emotional void).

The best advice I can give, is to make it perfectly clear that you are there for her, but that you no longer want to have sex with her (even if you do still want to have sex with her). So long as you continue to have sex with her, she'll continue to use it to fill her emotional void, which means she'll just continue to avoid the real problems that she is trying to escape. She doesn't need physical love, so far as I can tell, she needs Platonic, non-sexual love and support. And, if you care an ounce for this girl, this is what you'll give her.

Of course having never met either of you, this could be way off so I deny any responsibility if this plan backfires at all.

quote:

Originally posted by junis This is the kind of advice I needed! Thanks Julie! I think it shouldn't be a problem when I don't love this girl anymore... But I still got feelings for her, that's what makes it difficult! I even get a little jalous when she's flirting with other guy's.. Strange huh?

No it's not strange at all... it took me about 3 months to get over my ex... i got over him when he acted like a jerk to me.. (thoe i deserved it in a sense) when we saw each other for the first time in 6 months.. (we broke up on the net)

if you do have feelings for her.. why did you brake up.. with her..
i know braking up is a common thing to doo so in fact you should take time off for your self and get away from her to stop the feelings you have for her.. beacuse other wise you wont.. get over her..

and in my opinon you need to get over her and move on..
if you do not want to get over her.. then go back out with her.. so that when you do have sex with her you will not feel any regrets or you wont feel bad..
the choies is totaly up to you.. on what you want to doo with your life..

you did take one step.. you should now make the next one..

if you want to stay friends with her (and not feel bad about her and other boys or have memories of her interfere with you and other girls) then you have to re-establish your boundaries which generally means a separation period... where you dont have sex.

this gives you time to become accustomed to the concept of how things will be different. it might take weeks or could be monthes.

do not think that you can solve her problems for her. many ppls lives are shit. and many are shitter. but you can only help by being a friend. someone constant and steady with advice. ready to accept the person for who they are. being supportive even if they make the wrong choice (which might mean not what you suggest). you are not resposible for her or her choices. you can however allow her to better accept herself by accepting her for who she is. with this she will gain self confidence.

self confidence cannot be argued into anyone. you cannot get it overnight. it comes only with time. there are that many people who never have the right environment to be happy wiht themselves... like when others are always unhappy about them. so be happy for her and support her choices. if you can offer advice do so but be prepared for rejection (of advice) because that is what will be necessary to be a friend.

blah. hope i have a useful thought here for you. atb, jc

Well,

I still got feelings for her yes, but I know when I continue being her boyfriend it will all end up like when it was when I broke up...! The point is that we are not at the same level mentally (Quite normal I think when the age difference is 5 years!)

I remember that we where having this BIG fight,

I was at her place till late in the evening, I decided to go home because I had to get up early (I'm sure that when I was sleeping at her place, I wouldn't sleep at all!)

So she said "okay, but i'll walk with you to the bus" Ofcourse this was no problem for me at all, but when she said that she was going with me on that bus, and go back when i had to take the next bus, I knew she was upto something. I should know that when she took the bus with me, that she couldn't take the bus back to her place because at that hour there aren't driving any busses back nomore!!!! I did not think about that at that point... stupid, because it was clear that it was just a trick to sleep at my place!!!!

I reaaaaly got very upset when I found out that there where no busses left for her to get home... She kept telling me that she didn't knew, but ofcourse she knew!!!!!
At that point I told her ( In my anger) that she had bad luck and that she had to walk home.. But she reply'd "oh, so you want me dead?"

Well, that did it for me!!! I smashed some money on the ground for her to take a cab, and I left.
(I hope you understand this very bad english of me!!)

Now I knew that it wouldn't work out for both of us.. That is just something you don't have to try out on me!!!

She's just still a child at some points.. I'll have a good talk to her this very evening!!

I will let you guys know how the conversation went!!!

THANKS!!

thers is one thing i still do not understnad..

if she got RAped.. why is she after the sex..

last person i knew that got raped.. was too afraid to come NEAR a guy for a long time..

bitch slap her and run away

quote:

Originally posted by KilldaDJ bitch slap her and run away

LOL Julie........thats hilarious.....

but I agree, talk it out with her, tell her how you feel.....because thats the only way she will know, communication is essential

juss lay down the law
tell her that u gotta cut her loose cuz a playa's gotta have his options

quote:

Originally posted by Julie_Spyder thers is one thing i still do not understnad.. if she got RAped.. why is she after the sex.. last person i knew that got raped.. was too afraid to come NEAR a guy for a long time..

I don't understand either! She told me it was realy no fun when these kinda things happend...

But hey,

No need to worry for me no more! We had a decent talk last evening and we came to the conclusion that it is better not to see eachother anymore for a while

Thanks for all the advice ppl I realy needed it

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