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-- im drunk and need a new friend

im drunk and need a new friend

my qualifications:

-can drink 12 beers in one sitting
-knows how to play the role of a wingman
-doesn't mind taking one for the team from time to time
-makes enough money to pay for his own tab
-can hold his piss when we're riding around looking for a bar/pub/club
-when asked if he can "drink it" he doesn't respond with a feminine "sure can"
-drives something that isn't yellow or orange
-can hold a conversation about sports
-won't walk away when you ask for two shots of the strongest liquor the bar has
-has enough balls to say "fuck off" and join you when the police take you to jail
-doesn't brag about money, or how much of it he might have
-if I get in a fight, his kung-foo kicks will settle the rest of it
-he can pretend to walk a straight line when driving and intoxicated
-his mom isn't named jimmy
-makes enough sense in a random sentence to provoke a thought of a self reflection
-can tell a funny joke


what else do you look for in a friend?

I only befriend people that can drink 13 beers in one sitting. Sorry.

I'm your soul mate.

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk I only befriend people that can drink 13 beers in one sitting. Sorry.

(at least) 12 beers.

I need others to be able to relate to and exemplify the same sort of craziness that 12 or more beers in a short span of time can create. If you can't do that, sorry, we can't be friends.

Actually, scratch that.

I usually drink whiskey.

quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO (at least) 12 beers.

I'm very specific. It has to be 13 beers, not 12, not 14. Fucking 13 beers, ok?

This is why we can't be friends. You're just all over the place man. I need stability in my life.

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk I'm very specific. It has to be 13 beers, not 12, not 14. Fucking 13 beers, ok? This is why we can't be friends. You're just all over the place man.

The number 13 reminds me of the loss of my virginity. It's when the world of my own innocence and independence collapsed. At 12, I didn't know better. At 14, I knew enough. But at 13, I had no idea.

Yea, that number isn't good for me.

I can drink 13 beers while standing at a urinal.

Re: im drunk and need a new friend

quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO -can tell a funny joke

Go on then.

Can you suck it good? Is what I am wondering.

I don't drink and suffer fools, even less.

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk I'm very specific. It has to be 13 beers, not 12, not 14. Fucking 13 beers, ok? This is why we can't be friends. You're just all over the place man. I need stability in my life.

-can drink 12 beers in one sitting
ja
-knows how to play the role of a wingman
of course
-doesn't mind taking one for the team from time to time
i'll entertain the fat bitch, but won't promise to have sex with it- i mean her.
-makes enough money to pay for his own tab
check
-can hold his piss when we're riding around looking for a bar/pub/club
i'll bring a piss-bottle, just don't cry when you think it's your drink and take a swig.

-when asked if he can "drink it" he doesn't respond with a feminine "sure can"


-drives something that isn't yellow or orange
they are usually pink on the inside

-can hold a conversation about sports
ummmm

-won't walk away when you ask for two shots of the strongest liquor the bar has
talk to the hand!

-has enough balls to say "fuck off" and join you when the police take you to jail
and enough brains not to do it

-doesn't brag about money, or how much of it he might have
bragging is a sign of insecurity

-if I get in a fight, his kung-foo kicks will settle the rest of it
high-ya!

-he can pretend to walk a straight line when driving and intoxicated
fuck mon, i can pretend all i want- doesn't mean shit

-his mom isn't named jimmy
i called your mom jimmy once, late at night, while we were alone . . .next question, please

-makes enough sense in a random sentence to provoke a thought of a self reflection
that makes no sense

-can tell a funny joke



what else do you look for in a friend?
prostate

Re: im drunk and need a new friend

quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO my qualifications: -can drink 12 beers in one sitting -knows how to play the role of a wingman -doesn't mind taking one for the team from time to time -makes enough money to pay for his own tab -can hold his piss when we're riding around looking for a bar/pub/club -when asked if he can "drink it" he doesn't respond with a feminine "sure can" -drives something that isn't yellow or orange -can hold a conversation about sports -won't walk away when you ask for two shots of the strongest liquor the bar has -has enough balls to say "fuck off" and join you when the police take you to jail -doesn't brag about money, or how much of it he might have -if I get in a fight, his kung-foo kicks will settle the rest of it -he can pretend to walk a straight line when driving and intoxicated -his mom isn't named jimmy -makes enough sense in a random sentence to provoke a thought of a self reflection -can tell a funny joke what else do you look for in a friend?

Forget whoever "he" is. I:

-can drink 12 beers in one sitting.
-can play wingman.
-don't mind taking one for the team from time to time.
-make enough money to pay for my own tab.
-can hold my piss when we're riding around looking for a bar/pub/club.
-am all that is man.
-drive something that isn't yellow or orange.
-can hold a conversation about sports.
-won't walk away when you ask for two shots of the strongest liquor the bar has.
-have enough balls to say "fuck off" and join you when the police take you to jail.
-don't brag about money, or how much of it I might have.
-know kung-f.
-always walk a straight line when driving and intoxicated.
-am not of questionable origins.
-ooze wisdom.
-don't give a fuck.
-am drunk.

quote:

-won't walk away when you ask for two shots of the strongest liquor the bar has

lol who does that?

quote:

-can hold his piss when we're riding around looking for a bar/pub/club

also fuck off lol

Re: im drunk and need a new friend

quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO -makes enough money to pay for his own tab -doesn't brag about money, or how much of it he might have

Re: Re: im drunk and need a new friend

quote:

Originally posted by Meat187

Pwned.

Also, this is an obvious drunk thread Why am I allowing this?

Worst mod ever.

Closed.

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