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In this thread I will only...

Reply with the words that can be found in The Secretary's Desk Book: A Modern Guide to Correct English with Approved Forms for Business, Official, and Social Correspondence, and Other Useful Information

Published by The John C. Winston Company in 1952

[Halcyon]



[/Halcyon]

quote:

Originally posted by Meat187 [Halcyon] [IIMG]http://i.imgur.com/VdsCb.jpg[/IMG] [/Halcyon]

Dear Sir or Madam:

That is a most vulgar display to which the polite society I come from, is quite unaccustomed. Perhaps that is acceptable decorum in your local opium den but I cannot permit you to carry on here as is perhaps your custom in the Orient. In closing, I would like to thank you, in advance, for ceasing and desisting all such activity.

Respectfully yours,

E. Reginald Zilker

Gordon Ramsay�s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger

quote:

Originally posted by Specimen303 Gordon Ramsay�s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger

No. No, I refuse. I just-

To whom it may concern:

By my reckoning, I shall have spent close to one hour considering replies to only vulgar, obscene displays. If my objurgation shall not suffice to bring your better manners to mind then I am afraid I shall have to come to rather stark conclusions that concern your character. I had initially presumed that this was not some nursery for pickaninnies where numerous infidelities to elevated social discourse, of which I am accustomed, would normally be allowed.

In closing, I would also make you aware that I have interest in neither the blandness of English cuisine nor the keeping of company with midgets of ill repute.

Sincerely,

E. Reginald Zilker

I don't see the point of this thread. This is what all of your posts look like.

EddieZilker = James May

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I don't see the point of this thread. This is what all of your posts look like.

quote:

Originally posted by Trance-MB EddieZilker = James May

I can take a little kindly jest. What man can't? It's when people start insinuating effeminacy for their own jollification that I become weary of being mistaken for those dandy boys down in Cheesman. That riles my dander and I suggest you both stop, post-haste!

quote:

Originally posted by EddieZilker I become weary of being mistaken for those dandy boys down in Cheesman.

Are you weary from the constant accusation, or are you wary of being accused? I just can't tell!

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Are you weary from the constant accusation, or are you wary of being accused? I just can't tell!

Dear sir,

Let me apologize, at once, concerning the flagrant usage errors occurring out of my office. I would also like to thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. While she is a kind spirit who will be fondly remembered, I'm afraid Donna's services will no longer be required.

As you know, this office prides itself on the perspicuity of our communiques. Unfortunately, after reviewing a number of memorandums and other documents, transcribed by Donna, we have uncovered a great deal of such errors. While Donna insisted that they were only typos, I have also found, hidden in her desk, a bottle of Miles Nirvene that I feel may have impaired her facility with the typewriter machine.

In closing, I would request another qualified woman from the Steno pool. As this office deals with the public, frequently, she should be attractive. She should also have no less than five years of stenography experience and be able to type no less than fifty words per minute. Her first assignment will be to write Donna a formal letter of recommendation as I share some of the responsibility owing to my lax oversight.


Sincerely,

E. Reginald Zilker

This aforementioned (by you) book seems most intriguing. Do you possess a newly published copy, or are you talking about the first printed version?

jizz

Thomas Jefferson loved purple pussy.

quote:

Originally posted by netroM This aforementioned (by you) book seems most intriguing. Do you possess a newly published copy, or are you talking about the first printed version?

It is actually in my possession and doesn't even have a formal definition for computer. It does have computation and compute, which computer is listed under. Compute's definition is: to figure; number; reckon; calculate; as, to compute the distance of the moon from the earth. Pickaninny's definition is listed as, a negro baby or child.

Compared with a more recent Webster's version, Often offensive: A black child.

quote:

Originally posted by MSZ jizz

Not listed. There is also no entry for pornography. Pussy is listed under puss - a cat: a pet name; 2, Colloq., a girl or young woman.

Tomorrow I have to wait 2 hours in line to ask for a university related paper. The women that have to process this paper will probably whine and tell me that it will take a month, when I actually need it in a week.

Today, some **** woke me at 08.00 am to tell me about some hospital meeting that I didn't care about. To continue my jolly day, the ATM told me I have no money left, before buying groceries. I went to another which gave me the same reply. Took a cab-ride home, on the way car broke in the middle of the street so I had to walk home. On the way, a third ATM told me my account was empty.

When arriving home, my account balance was same as yesterday. Why can't I take out money?

I passed my last exam a couple of days ago, and since, I've not been able to rest. First day: Neighbor starts drilling holes in the wall, second day my girlfriend had her last exam and I was to stressed for her to be able to sleep. Today, this. Tomorrow, the papers.

Now I'm sitting here at 01.19 am, and I want some fucking KFC crispy strips, but the joint is closed.

So, Ed, conjure for me a good world-wide solution for my situation, embellishing it with some nice English.

OT: Fuck Canada

quote:

Originally posted by Chimney Tomorrow I have to wait 2 hours in line to ask for a university related paper. The women that have to process this paper will probably whine and tell me that it will take a month, when I actually need it in a week. Today, some **** woke me at 08.00 am to tell me about some hospital meeting that I didn't care about. To continue my jolly day, the ATM told me I have no money left, before buying groceries. I went to another which gave me the same reply. Took a cab-ride home, on the way car broke in the middle of the street so I had to walk home. On the way, a third ATM told me my account was empty. When arriving home, my account balance was same as yesterday. Why can't I take out money? I passed my last exam a couple of days ago, and since, I've not been able to rest. First day: Neighbor starts drilling holes in the wall, second day my girlfriend had her last exam and I was to stressed for her to be able to sleep. Today, this. Tomorrow, the papers. Now I'm sitting here at 01.19 am, and I want some fucking KFC crispy strips, but the joint is closed. So, Ed, conjure for me a good world-wide solution for my situation, embellishing it with some nice English. OT: Fuck Canada

Dear Canadian Winters,

You have a lot on your plate and who doesn't? Here in the free world, the hustle and bustle of the Occidental lifestyle can feel overwhelming. The younger you are the more seems to be expected of you. Whether you're preparing for a luncheon with your sorority sisters or preparing dinner for your husband when he gets home from work, life can be a juggling act and when things don't go your way, it's easy to lose your focus.

While your studies are important, you should think of them as secondary to making sure the man in your life is happy. Sure, he wants someone who he can relate to, intellectually, and that's why an education can be invaluable. When push comes to shove, however, it's better to make sure his stomach is fuller than your brain. Not only is that the way to a man's heart but you don't need a college degree to run a good and loving home for your family.

It sounds like you two are on a budget and he needs the car for work. Remember, it's not wise to complain about how much money you don't have. That might set him off. Instead, put that big brain of yours to use, clipping coupons for a nice roast dinner or even sewing missing buttons back onto his shirts. The less he has to worry about, the better, and nagging him because you can't afford a fried chicken dinner in a restaurant, when you could have made him one, yourself, might just make things worse.

In closing, supposing everything's been done and your husband is content, you might mention to him the problems you're having with those old hens in your school's registrar's office. He'll be willing to give you advice and if you've done your job of making him happy, he may even be willing to throw some weight around with their supervisor in order to expedite that paper-work. You could definitely use the rest and making sure your husband is happy might even mean he earns a raise and can afford to buy you that new Chevrolet you've had your eye on. Even though this day has been rough, a happy man means better days, ahead.

Best regards,


E. Reginald Zilker

quote:

Originally posted by EddieZilker Dear Canadian Winters, You have a lot on your plate and who doesn't? Here in the free world, the hustle and bustle of the Occidental lifestyle can feel overwhelming. The younger you are the more seems to be expected of you. Whether you're preparing for a luncheon with your sorority sisters or preparing dinner for your husband when he gets home from work, life can be a juggling act and when things don't go your way, it's easy to lose your focus. While your studies are important, you should think of them as secondary to making sure the man in your life is happy. Sure, he wants someone who he can relate to, intellectually, and that's why an education can be invaluable. When push comes to shove, however, it's better to make sure his stomach is fuller than your brain. Not only is that the way to a man's heart but you don't need a college degree to run a good and loving home for your family. It sounds like you two are on a budget and he needs the car for work. Remember, it's not wise to complain about how much money you don't have. That might set him off. Instead, put that big brain of yours to use, clipping coupons for a nice roast dinner or even sewing missing buttons back onto his shirts. The less he has to worry about, the better, and nagging him because you can't afford a fried chicken dinner in a restaurant, when you could have made him one, yourself, might just make things worse. In closing, supposing everything's been done and your husband is content, you might mention to him the problems you're having with those old hens in your school's registrar's office. He'll be willing to give you advice and if you've done your job of making him happy, he may even be willing to throw some weight around with their supervisor in order to expedite that paper-work. You could definitely use the rest and making sure your husband is happy might even mean he earns a raise and can afford to buy you that new Chevrolet you've had your eye on. Even though this day has been rough, a happy man means better days, ahead. Best regards, E. Reginald Zilker

It feels as if you have spent years getting to know me, making me trust you. Spent years licking my wounds, being there comforting me when I couldn't sleep, holding my hand, telling me everything was going to be ok. After a while, you started sensually touching my face, while looking into at my face and as lay there looking deep into your eyes, unfolding my soul to you, your all-familiar face turned to:







I wish I could say that you trolled the shit out of me, however, your last post infused the art of elegant trolling into the very layers of my nucleotides

quote:

Originally posted by Chimney It feels as if you have spent years getting to know me, making me trust you. Spent years licking my wounds, being there comforting me when I couldn't sleep, holding my hand, telling me everything was going to be ok. After a while, you started sensually touching my face, while looking into at my face and as lay there looking deep into your eyes, unfolding my soul to you, your all-familiar face turned to:

Well, I am limiting my vocabulary to words from a dictionary printed in 1952.

EDIT: Also, the serious advice - find something to eat and get some rest. The worst days I've ever had were spent tired and hungry. That colored everything, making things seem much, much worse than they really were.

quote:

Originally posted by EddieZilker The worst days I've ever had were spent tired and hungry. That colored everything, making things seem much, much worse than they really were.

i totally agree with that.

also, that paragraph to chimney had a distinct male 50's instructional video voice in my head the entire time i was reading it. nice job on that one.

Is there some sort of rule that lets you ignore the other rules? Like, "if your colleague farts, you're not obliged to use the vocabulary contained herein" or summat?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Is there some sort of rule that lets you ignore the other rules? Like, "if your colleague farts, you're not obliged to use the vocabulary contained herein" or summat?

Because I have the only known copy of it, I'm the only one who has to post under its limitations, per this thread. Regardless of whatever anyone else posts, I'm restricted to only using words contained within it - unless I'm talking about the book to tell you the word, fart, is not listed. Flatulence, however, is defined.

Or are you talking about the Parliamentary Procedure and Minutes sub-section in Forms of Business Writing?

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