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Ketchup killing proves sauce of fun for Brazilian town

And here it is, the punny thread of the week:

quote:

Ketchup killing proves sauce of fun for Brazilian town Cheated wife sees red after would-be contract killer fakes hit with ketchup after finding out target was a friend, say Bahia police In all his years in Brazilian law enforcement, police chief Marconi Almino de Lima had never faced a case like this: a sordid tale of love, jealousy, a contract killer and kitchen condiments. It all began in June when Maria Nilza Sim�es, a housewife in the small town of Pindoba�u, around 240 miles from Salvador, in the north-eastern state of Bahia, allegedly sought out a local gun for hire to do away with her husband's lover. Carlos Roberto de Jesus, an unemployed ex-con, accepted the mission. For around �350 he agreed to kill Erenildes Aguiar Ara�jo, known simply as Lupita. According to one version, Lupita had been having an affair with Sim�es' partner and Sim�es wanted her rival out of the way. The day of the murder was to be 24 June. All was going to plan until the novice hitman located his target. The hit turned out to be a childhood friend. Unable to go through with it, De Jesus grappled for a way out, eventually devising what he apparently thought was an ingenious solution: tomato ketchup. Armed with two bottles of the sauce, he opened up to his friend, led her into the forest and staged a mock-execution with a mouth gag and a machete. Lupita was doused in tomato ketchup and a photo was taken as proof of death. "I tore my own top, I stuck the knife in my side," she told a local newspaper. "He tied me up and threw the ketchup. He took a photo and delivered it to her." The photograph � this week splashed over the front pages of Brazil's tabloids � shows Lupita's head tilted backwards, her body smothered with distinctly unrealistic-looking "blood" and a long knife, jammed comically under her arm-pit. More Monty Python than CSI Miami, the photo nevertheless worked. Sim�es is said to have been taken-in by the image, shown to her on a mobile phone. The fee was paid. But another twist was to come. Days later, Sim�es was walking in the local market when she saw her contract killer canoodling with the supposedly dead Lupita. Furious, she marched into the local police station and reported him for theft. Her decision triggered the strangest investigation police chief Almino de Lima is ever likely to face. "In eight years service I have never heard of anything like it and we hear a lot of stories," the police chief told the local Correio da Bahia newspaper. All three characters are now facing charges. Sim�es for issuing death threats against Lupita; Lupita and De Jesus for extortion. De Jesus, the ketchup killer, has reportedly skipped town while Sim�es faces public humiliation. "Did she really not notice that the knife was stuck in the arm-pit?" Vera M�rcia de Ara�jo, a local shopkeeper, told a local newspaper. "The whole town is laughing in her face." Lupita, now a local celebrity nicknamed the "ketchup woman", seems to have come off best. Reports on Friday suggested her newfound fame had led to her name being touted for a seat in the local town hall. "That's what people are saying around here, but it's something I'll have to think about," she said. H�lio Palmeira, the town's mayor, has claimed she has a good chance of being elected while Walterley Kuhin, a local radio-show host, also backed a future campaign: "The people around here are pretty fed up with the town hall. Why not get some ketchup in there?"

[source]

This is it, COR, spring is just around the corner (for us, at least!) and we all know this is the seasoning of love. Your turn!

Soft-core sitophilic necrophilia? How I love Brazilian kink.

C0R Version: Hitman recognizes childhood friend as target, skeets ketchup on her, collects fee. He taps that, employer reports him to po-po for murder h4x. ERRbody gettin prosecuted.

quote:

Originally posted by shaw C0R Version: Hitman recognizes childhood friend as target, skeets ketchup on her, collects fee. He taps that, employer reports him to po-po for murder h4x. ERRbody gettin prosecuted.

You don't understand, that was Lira's c0r version.

Yeah, that's what I said! Want an even briefer version?



There you go, the thread in just one picture :IGK:

Wow, I didn't realize there was a third conspirator involved in this scandal.

He'll probably just get off with a feliny.

Horrible puns are totally NSFW.

Re: Ketchup killing proves sauce of fun for Brazilian town

quote:

Originally posted by Lira And here it is, the punny thread of the week:[source]

How ironic that you failed to take an advantage of an obvious [sauce] pun.

there are probably 56 other ways he could have 'killed' her with the ketchup.

Re: Re: Ketchup killing proves sauce of fun for Brazilian town

quote:

Originally posted by aquila How ironic that you failed to take an advantage of an obvious [sauce] pun.

It was already in the title, and I didn't want to be caught red-handed stealing other people's material

Nice redemption.

Brazilians dont tip. TROOF!

Maaz!

whateva tha fuck that means!

quote:

Originally posted by Mebot Maaz!

Hello there, Mebot! Long time no see! How's life?

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