Women: can't live with them, can't live without them...

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Posted by Durafei on Sep-23-2002 15:27:

Women: can't live with them, can't live without them...

I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. Everything has been absolutely great. I thought this relationship would eventually come to it's ultimate conclusion: marriage. Then out of the blue, this friday, she tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and that's it's all over.

I always knew that girls were beyond my understanding(and probably beyond every guy's understanding), but how can something like this happen? I mean can you just wake up one morning and realize that you don't love someone anymore?

After this, how the hell can I even think of going into a new relationship knowing that one day something like this could happen again! I guess I'll just have to stay out any long term(or even short term) relationships for a while, until my confusion, anger and of course feelings for my ex-girlfriend are completely gone(if that's even possible).

Posted by mecha on Sep-23-2002 15:55:

Re: Women: can't live with them, can't live without them...

Posted by itikia on Sep-23-2002 16:52:

Durafei,

Women are all screwed up these days; they just don't know whether they're coming or going..

The way I like to think about it is: If there isn't a ring on my finger then its all fair game. Lots of fish in the sea, especially here in Toronto.

I never put all my cards on the table for no girl anymore, its just not worth the pain after things don't work out. Always make sure you have options; when the girl knows you have options she won't be lookin anywhere else..

Thats my simplified theory on "women" these days,

itikia

Posted by infinity HiGH on Sep-23-2002 17:20:

quote:
Originally posted by Durafei
I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. Everything has been absolutely great. I thought this relationship would eventually come to it's ultimate conclusion: marriage. Then out of the blue, this friday, she tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and that's it's all over.

I always knew that girls were beyond my understanding(and probably beyond every guy's understanding), but how can something like this happen? I mean can you just wake up one morning and realize that you don't love someone anymore?

After this, how the hell can I even think of going into a new relationship knowing that one day something like this could happen again! I guess I'll just have to stay out any long term(or even short term) relationships for a while, until my confusion, anger and of course feelings for my ex-girlfriend are completely gone(if that's even possible).

Thats the way life is man...I doubt that she woke up one day and realized she doesn't love you. It was probably on her mind a lot, and unfortunately that's the realization she came to. I know how you feel man, and I know how much it can hurt. Don't think about other relationships at the moment...you just came out of one. Move on, get yourself back together, and sooner or later, you yourself will realize when you can get into a relationship again. Don't think about what happend in a previous relationship...its not fair to the person you might be dating, making them pay for someone else's mistakes. And don't worry, your feelings for her will fade away, heh, they always do...they just need time. And believe me, I've been told this by someone else a while ago, the next person will be even better...and it's true. Heh.

Hang in there man, life may seem pointless now, but it ain't...at least you got music

Posted by TranceKitten on Sep-23-2002 17:29:

I feel bad for the fact that your gf did that to you Durafel, no guy needs to be done that unless they have done something really bad to a girl or she is just fucking around, which makes me think they are sometimes worse than guys (or at least can be).

I am sure that eventually, once the pain is gone you'll meet the one for you one day without even knowing your heart will start living and pumping love again. For now all I can tell you is don't be like all other worthless guys who think that just because one girl did this to them they can do it to all of the rest that come their way, let it rest for now.
I wonder if she just might've had accumulated feelings about things you guys never talked about that bothered both of you, obviously mostly her.

As for you Itikia, Don't generalize. Not all girls are players and some of us do stay with one guy and one guy only. And your theory might work on "some women" but not all. Others might see this as mecha said, an open relationship and be fair and do the same thing, have options. All I've got to say is do to others as you want done to you.

Infinity High>> Well Said! It's all true--next person is always better. Never look back.
TranceKitten

Posted by Durafei on Sep-23-2002 17:41:

Thanks SO much for your support! It really means a lot. This is the first time(and hopefully the last) in my life that I'm going through this - so it's especially difficult.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better !

Posted by TranceKitten on Sep-23-2002 17:45:

Tomorrow is always better!!!!!

Ciao!!!

Posted by skaborough fats on Sep-23-2002 18:16:

Durafei,

That sucks man. Don't try and riddel out her reasons. If she didn't tell you it's probably cuz her reasons stink. Deep breath and find the GOOD one. Not to knock around someone I don't know. She maybe really nice, pleasant and all that, but how nice can she be if she just drops a bomb like that and walks. Better to find out now, while your bank account still has just your name on it...

Hey! Now you can hunt with the rest when you hit the clubs... shit, more competition... ah well, TO's a big jungle.

Cheers,
Fats

Posted by TranceKitten on Sep-23-2002 18:32:

LOL....For some reason I get the feeling that everyone here is hunting...is that so??

Posted by trancearmada on Sep-23-2002 18:38:

sorry to hear about that dude! I know excatly how you feel! I bet you she will come back running back to you in a year or so realizing how stupid she was to do what she did, but I bet you it's gonna be too late!

In the mean while cheer up there is always trance and puzir a.k.a. vodyara a.k.a. 50% spirt/50% voda!

Hang in there! Things will get better they always do!

Posted by itikia on Sep-23-2002 18:39:

quote:
Originally posted by TranceKitten
All I've got to say is do to others as you want done to you.

TranceKitten

Agreed! Those are words to live by.

Posted by skaborough fats on Sep-23-2002 19:25:

quote:
Originally posted by TranceKitten
LOL....For some reason I get the feeling that everyone here is hunting...is that so??

In a way ya. But not necessarily in the negative way you may think.

Posted by OrZonE on Sep-23-2002 19:56:

Man, that really sucks! Especially the fact that you just got hit out of the blue. The important thing is don't let what happened consume you, do the things that make you feel good. Enjoy life.

And if that doesn't work, take amrada's advice . Hope you recover man!

Posted by Endlesswave on Sep-23-2002 20:03:

quote:
Originally posted by TranceKitten
LOL....For some reason I get the feeling that everyone here is hunting...is that so??

Ummmmmmmmmm that's partly true, but I have heard time and time again that if you look for it, it won't come to you, so I'm not looking. Just if it happens it happens.

And don't worry man, things will clear up and then you'll find a girl who is worthy of you.

Posted by dEsidEL on Sep-23-2002 20:21:

Durafei .. take this advanatage to feel free again .. i always notice that the 'opportunities' always come up whnever ur already dating someone .. :P

SO just remember the great things about being SINGLE but remember that ur good enuff that SOMEONE wanted you at some point so you can't feel like you've been rejected. And psst.. whenever ur ready to bounce back from all this, i hear Asian girls are really into white guys right now! :]

Posted by mot10n on Sep-23-2002 21:54:

durafei, i have a solution: we go out partying again soon!

seriously though, don't think about it too much, or it'll consume you. just take in stride, maybe she was antsy, maybe something just changed with her, who knows. but you do know that you are now a stronger person because of this. maybe not right now, but you will be in the future, for sure.

also, i don't think your feelings for her will ever be totally gone. rather, they'll stay with you for a while, but not to remind you of what she did to you, but rather, what you two did together. obivously, if your in a relationship for two years, something has to be right for that amount of time. it may sound cheesy, i know, but 'tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all'

btw, you said she told you friday? that must've been after purple room, cuz you were having a hell of a good time! at least she had the decency to wait, i guess. oh well, just do what feels right. don't sell yourself short. everyday, look into your mirror and say 'i am one sexy biznatch' ... well, it's works for me...

Posted by dEsidEL on Sep-23-2002 22:16:

quote:
Originally posted by mot10n
look into your mirror and say 'i am one sexy biznatch' ... well, it's works for me...

thatz rite .. gotta say it again .. if u were good enuff for one person, then u gotta be good enuff for somebody else ! i'm sure u'd think it worse if u never got hit on !! ouch ..

Posted by Durafei on Sep-23-2002 22:26:

Unfortunately it's not about me being able to find another girl. I still love her, and don't even want no other girl

Oh well.. time is my friend in this case, as I hear it can heal all kinds of wounds.

Posted by mot10n on Sep-23-2002 22:29:

quote:
time is my friend in this case, as I hear it can heal all kinds of wounds.
one exception: age

Posted by skaborough fats on Sep-23-2002 22:31:

quote:
Originally posted by Durafei
Unfortunately it's not about me being able to find another girl. I still love her, and don't even want no other girl

Oh well.. time is my friend in this case, as I hear it can heal all kinds of wounds.

Bully for you for being positive man. You'll do fine. No worries... shit I wish I handled the bad like that.

Cheers,
Fats

Posted by Lek on Sep-23-2002 22:48:

alcohol in large quantities has helped me wash away my problems!

Posted by trancearmada on Sep-23-2002 22:51:

quote:
Originally posted by Lek
alcohol in large quantities has helped me wash away my problems!

LOL! that was already suggested by his Russian buddies! IT'S ALL ABOUT VODKA! JAH! LOL!

Posted by mariachickita on Sep-23-2002 22:55:

Sometimes people wake up all of a sudden and realize that they dont want to be in a relationship, not only with you, but with anyone....whether it was a life changing experience or just a hit in the head, it happens to all of us at some point....
its wierd, because sometimes you just can't change how you feel, and sometimes it hurts more to be with that person knowing that you would be happier without them.....
i myself have committed that crime not long ago, and it makes you feel so bad because you know how much that other person is hurting inside, but soon you ll know that they'll hate you for doing what you did.....because maybe they dont understand why..

Iliya, in all what i am trying to say is, your young, have so much to experience ahead of you....
take this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and figure out what YOU want to do in life without having anyone else hold you back.....
sometimes we make sacrifices without realizing it because we are in love, then later regret it when that love fades away......

these next few weeks do stuff that makes you happy, and keep your self busy...... try something new, and go PARTY not just to meet new chicks but to get yourself out of your house.......and be around people that make you feel good about yourself.....

hope these words will help

Maria

Posted by dEsidEL on Sep-23-2002 22:59:

quote:
Originally posted by Durafei
Unfortunately it's not about me being able to find another girl. I still love her, and don't even want no other girl

Oh well.. time is my friend in this case, as I hear it can heal all kinds of wounds.

do some online gaming or throw a 48 hours LAN party.. i find blowing up shit on computer games takes the mind away from worries ...

plus doing guy kinda things ie. LAN parties, with other guys iz good for you .. :]

Posted by Avenjah on Sep-23-2002 23:10:

Try not to stress so much Durafei. The 2year mark is a very important one in a relationship ...as w/ 1year ...but 2 even more. 1.5-2 years is usually the mark where you have to make a serious decision ...if you see the other person in your future. There's no point in making it drag on for more than 2 years unless there's a serious *possibility* of marriage... otherwise you're just wasting eachother's time (hey you're only young once, you have to date as many people as you can while you're lookin' your best hehe). One of her friends probably pushed her on a bit to make a decision. Find comfort in the fact it happened now, and not later. Some women/guys are stupid and they don't even make that decision until 3 or 4 or 5 years later ...your girl was smart in that sense ...think of all the time you saved. She made that decision at the right time, for both of you. Hopefully you spoiled her for all other guys though hehe. It's just too bad it came as such a surprise. I do believe in "the next one's always better" because you always see something in the other person that was missing in the first ...you have a better picture of what's right for you ...

g'luck, and always keep your guard up

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