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My life sux-hardest decision in life so far
I know this topic might seem odd but hey I gotta let all this out somewhere..all opinions/comments are welcome (please..be serious though..thanks)
this is probably my toughest decision that I will have to make in my life (yeah, life is a biatch)..
ok here we go..
I just met a girl (for 3 months now) who I think is really worth getting to know and date because I feel like she�s the right one. The one that would give me a long lasting relationship that im searching for. Everytime I�m around her everything feel right. I can talk to her nonstop (only her though) not with other girls. She�s everything I look for in a girl. Sweet, good personality, pretty, just everything about her. She�s just different from the rest of the girls that I�ve met before. Well just a month ago I told her how I feel for her. She told me that she only see me as a friend but didn�t say that she didn�t like me. She told me to give us time and get to know each other because she�s not ready to have a boyfriend because of her busy schedule. I accepted her answer even though I was very down that she said no. So anyways, I tried to forget what I told her and just try to get to know her and try not to think of us more than anything but friends.
Then last Sunday I asked her out for a movie (I knew that it would only be a friendly date thingy majingy, I didn�t expect more outta it). While watching the movie I really wanted to her hold her hands (I mean come on..I don�t wanna be sitting 2 hours just watching a movie with her. NO I aint a perve. Im very serious) but I didn�t have the guts because she said that she�s not ready for a relationship with me. I considered that so I didn�t make any move because I respect her and I didn�t want to make a wrong move that would end up messing everything up. Then while half way through the movie I noticed that she wanted me to hold her hands or at least I had that feelings. It was like my 6th sense or something. I wasn�t sure if that was the message she was sending but hell I got the message. I didn�t want to blow any chance off so I slowly pull her left hand over to my side of the chair and just held it. She didn�t do anything so I guesed she was cool with it. I mean if she wasn�t cool with that she would have pulled her hand back and told me that she was feeling uncomfortable. So then I held her hand for the whole movie. I was like damn this is the greatest feeling in the world.
So after the movie I was thinking that she was ready to accept me. We walked around the mall for a while after the movie. It wasn�t indoor and the night was cold so I put my jacket on for her. I really wanted to put my hands over her shoulder holding her tight but I thought really hard and I didn�t do it because I thought holding her hand during the movie was very damn good enough for me and I didn�t want to to go too far and ruin everything. So we just walked around for a while then I drove her home. That was the best night of my life! And it is. I didn�t expect the date to go that well. It was amazing.
Ok moving on�
There were several reasons why I didn�t wanna make any more move after the movie. One because she told me she wasn�t ready to have a boyfriend. Two, I got the news from my dad from Texas that we might be moving to Texas soon. I thought that he was just joking and didn�t take it seriously. The next day my mom told me that we will definitely be moving to Texas (time not specified though). I felt really down and Im still feeling down. I mean how fucked up can life be? Just when Im starting to get to know this special girl that�s worth everything for and just when I thought my life is doing fine I get the fucking bad news that we would have to move. Life�s a bitch alright! Hell I lived half of my life in California all my friends are here and the �someone/somebody� girl for me is here in cali. Hell, I don�t wanna move to texas! I hate my life.
I was about to ask her to go out sometime again because the movie date turned out perfect but I didn�t because I know that I would have to be moving soon and even if she�s ready to accept me in a relationship it would be hella unfair for her. What am I supose to tell her ? Hey, I would have to be moving to texas soon? Fuck that. I can�t accept that. It took me 19 (almost 20 years) to find a girl like her. I don�t wanna blow my chance. It would be unfair for her and sad for me. Man I need some sort of miracle right now.
Ok Im planning to go agaisnt my parents and not move to Texas. I didn�t tell them yet though but Im planning to tell them soon even though I know my dad will be fucking pissed off at me for that reason. He�s strict! I can�t stand him most of the time but I didn�t tell him that. Whatever I tell him he wont believe me and he�l lthink that im one horrible child. And he�ll be even more strict if I he knew I wanted to stay here just for a girl. But she�s not just any girl. She�s something different..
3 major reasons why I wanna stay here:
1.70%the girl (I mean if I had one chance I don�t wanna blow it.. not with this girl)
2.10%i cant stand my dad�s strictness (cant stand his strictness 90% of the time). I really wanna tell him all this (which I will soon) ..damn life�
3.20%friends/used to california.
But I don�t care, whatever he�ll tell me I will be staying here. I know Itll be tough for me because Im only 19 and we don�t have any relative over here in california. But I really wanted to see life for myself. I want to make my own mistakes and learn from it. I know it�ll be one long bumpy road without my parents but I really wanna see for myself. This is only the simple detail (I mean there�s so muchmore that im excluding because its too damn long to type and too damn complicated to explain)
So what do you TAs think? Did I make the right decision by choosing to stay here. Do you think I�m stupid? I mean for a girl you asked? But like I said, I prolly will never find someone like her for a long ass time.
There�s so much more I wanna type. I know this doesn�t make too much sense because you are not me.. you are not going through what im going through. But I really want your experty opinions.. sorry for the long ass thread
looking for pitty? im sure this isnt th place to fing any.
your post is too long, i dont want to read it
honestly... if the girl means that much to you, i say make a bold move on the girl agian now and find out if it is even worth it, trust me as much as you may think 'she is the one', 'shes perfect' there are many more out there and you'll find another no problem eventually, plus time will heal any pain cause by an ending of a relationship. i honestly at your age would not stick around a place just because of friends and a potential g/f. think about the rest of your life, are you going for higher education? what profession do you want to end up with? plus Texas aint that bad, its got lots of character! where in texas are you going to move to?
oh you're from 714? me too thats the only part i read
ok i went about halfway thru that one, just cause i think i get your gist, and im too high to read more...BUT:
yeah im not the most experienced, smooth person out there. im sorta, somewhat going through the same thing too. alt i would say that my other 'near gfs' were prolly more like what youre describing. the thing ive learned, and am actually currently learning in some cases, is that you shunt be worried about it so much. see it sounds like you have a REAL friend here, but not necessarily a gf. that sounds sucky, and it may always seem that way - but even if you want her so bad you cant stand it...its gotta be mutual or its just gonna get worse for the both of you if you push it.
of course not every relationship falls into teeny perfect brackets like that - but those are just my thoughts. and another thing, if you concentrate less on what you WANT to be doing to her, and maybe prolly shouldnt, then you will act more like yourself and maybe not so uptight. girls can smell that, and i dont think they like it!
anyways to wrap this up...just chill a bit, keep the conversation flowing, and try to figure out if you can act like yourself TOTALLY around her(like when you hang with your boys) or your being a jackass trying to appease her every wish|
well ill be more compassionate than the rest of the cold hearted ta's.heh
anyhow, k well i didnt read the whole damn thing but i skimmed through most of it
seems like this is more personal and might be actually about yer relationship with yer dad rather than the girl.
i mean its really awesome that you found someone etc..but youve only met her in the sense that it would be pointless to give up everything and find out later that it wanst meant to be or was going to happen and what not.
try being friends first. honestly.
um you are only 19 dood
thers so much more out there and this is not the toughest decision in your life.
just take a chill pill. poop
here's an idea
print out everything in ur post, and either read it to HER or just hand it on paper to HER
at least she'll know what you really think, and maybe she'll open up to you a bit more. if she wants a relationship then u can stay, but if she doesnt want one after reading what you've told us, then you can always move to texas and forget about it easier.
i would advise against telling ur parents your plans before you actually find out what she thinks/feels about it all.
i understand what ur on about tho, i've moved around so much through my childhood, teen years, and i'm moving soon again. it's hard to get stable relationships going when you've settled down only to find ur moving again. oh well, dats life.
| quote: |
| thers so much more out there and this is not the toughest decision in your life. |
I read pretty fast so i read the whole thing. You made a good decision i think even tho texas is cool. You're 19, its time to live on ur own and have ur independence. Live your life and see wazzup with this girl. Don't come on too strong, unless you know its right. I'm hoping you have a steady job and enough money to support yourself otherwise, its gonna be hard. I think you've made a good decision, could be the turning point of your life. I hope everything goes right for you and this girl thats so right for you.
how impolite of you guys.. at least have decency (sp?) NOT TO FUCKING POST about whether you read the topic post or not... Geez... 
That being said, although I understand our love-bounded friend, if you are dependant of your familly and if your dad is as strict as you say, you'll have very hard time staying in Cali (read: it won't happend)... So yeah, start considering a long distance relationship... They work (my gf lives in another country half of the year ).. That, or no relation whatsoever.... If she loves you, she'll be fine with that..
| quote: |
| Originally posted by lMIlk your post is too long, i dont want to read it |
Imilk, Trance Canada - your attitudes suck.
On to the topic at hand - if you go with your dad to Texas and break off ties with this girl then not only will you resent him forever but you'll also wonder if that was the girl for you.
Circumstance sucks. I'd take the time you have now (before you might end up moving) to determine what your chances are with this girl and if it's worth the warfare that'll break out (with your parents) if you decide to stay in Cali.
I understand your point mate... ask her out, and depending of what comes out from it, talk to her, make your move or consider moving to Texas. Remember these wise words:
| quote: |
| "It's better to regret something you have done, then something you haven't" Orbital - Satan |
I don't think staying would be wise, at all.
First off, realize, you're 19 years old. I know you think its older, and more grown up, and this and that, which it is, but if this is the hardest decision you've ever had to made, things can't really be that tough. Second, you're putting a 3 month friendship before your family. Also keep in mind the girl hasnt really shown any interested, and has basically told you, her busy schedule (aka priorities), come first. I am assuming you haven't graduated college, nor started a career. You're letting a 3 month friendship with a girl get in the way of some important shit here. We've all had our flings, our little "damn she's perfect", etc.etc.... But you got to keep your head straight, and you got to think about the future. If you we're 30 years old, with a career, an education, and for some reason had to move, the choice for your decision would be a little bit easier. Just remember, this girls putting her priorities before you.
What you need to do, is sit down with your father, and talk about that relationship. Though you may not realize it, this would severely damage the relationship with your father, if you do not talk it over and clarify things up. I can't stress enough how important family is.
The chances of this girl being there in 20-30 years for you, is like 15%. The chances of your parents being there for you, 100%. I think this is all really surrounded around your father, more than anything. You apparently want to just get away. If you're so grown up to make such an important decision, get some balls, get on your ass, sit down, and talk with your father.
I assume you're going to become financially independent if you do stay. Just realize, thats seriously going to affect a lot of things. Paying for college, rent, food, etc. Not easy. I assume you haven't graduated college yet, or started a career. A lot of kids don't even go to college, simply cuz they don't have the money to. You got to make ends meet. Eitherway, risking family, education, and over all living, over a 3 month friendship with a girl that is not even 100% interested, is just plain stupid. Your family and your education, stick with you, for the rest of your life. Stay in school, let your parents help you out, take advantage, go to college, and you'll find decisions like this, are much easier to make.
You say you want to experience the real life, then stay, and pay all the bills. Work 9 to 5. You'll see what the real life is like. Its a little bit more than bumpy. Just realize that 80% of teenagers that leave home, come back home. If you move back in, thats not only degrading, and kills your dignity, it shows your parents, you REALLY aren't ready and its going to be a long while before they think you are.
Its your life. Good luck with your choice.
But I'll tell you one thing now, if that woman leaves, becomes officially not interested, or finds someone else, you're gonna feel like one stupid mother ******.
i think you should stay in cali. but at the same time, i think staying for a girl is stupid. you're 19. you can find another girl. i hear the girls in TX are hot, actually, not that i am one to judge.
you have to learn to live with change. if cali means that much to you stay there. but you should consider the financial implications to yourself if you do and what greater problems you could cause for yourself.
i say follow your heart. you only live once and life without love is boring. if it doesn't work out with her, then at least you had the experience and hopefully learned from it. that's what life is about. i am extremely spontaneous (or "unstable" if you wanna be a dick about it) so i say screw it...stay in cali if that's what you truely want. try to have a heart to heart with your dad too. dont just rebel. in another 2 years you'll be at that age where you should be thinking about moving out anyway! make sure you have a plan though when you talk to your parents. dont just say, "hey im gonna stay here". find a job first or go to school or something so you at least sound like you know what you're doing. whatever you decide to do, make sure you do it for yourself as well as other reasons. i think you wanting to stay is romantic. dont overwhelm her though. the ball's in her court. just be patient and even a little "hard to get". she'll be putty in your hands
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee the ball's in her court. just be patient and even a little "hard to get". she'll be putty in your hands |
well i dont think he should run from all of this to avoid getting hurt. then he'll develop this defense mechanism complex. and he'll always kick himself for not knowing what would have happend. you can't go through your entire life and never get hurt. it's part of the whole package. you live and learn.
Been there, done that.
Hmmm...
Somewhat hits close to home, I've been there and I'm sure a few others have as well.
I used to live in British Columbia (Canada) and I fell for this girl before MY parents told me that we're moving to Ontario!
Now, granted I was only 16 but that SUCKED!!!
I could have stayed with my uncle if I wanted, my parents did give me that option but I never took it.
Why?
Work opportunities mainly and my education was a big second.
Not too many big colleges or university were I used to be.
Sadly I let her go, but I never regretted it.
I know finding 'the one' can take a long time.
Hell I can name the number of women/girls I went out with on one hand because I just had respect for the girls I knew or was very picky (I choose the later).
My advice, move on.
I'll hurt like a bitch for the first while. I remember after I moved, I played this one song over and over and over for a while...
But it landed up being the right move for me, long term.
Think long term, my friend.
And bite the bullet, there's more great ones out there, I promise. 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee well i dont think he should run from all of this to avoid getting hurt. then he'll develop this defense mechanism complex. and he'll always kick himself for not knowing what would have happend. you can't go through your entire life and never get hurt. it's part of the whole package. you live and learn. |
my opinion:
if you have the money, stay in calafornia. it's where you grew up, it's where your friends are, its where your girl is. but if you dont think your ready to live on your own.. then go with your parents to texas.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by SportTrance We'll I agree with that, but in this case, he's gonna lose a little more than just her you know?, not just her, but his relationship with his father, his family in general. He may also lose his chances of gettin an early education (if his parents are willing to pay in the first place). I keep stressing education, because you don't NEED a college education to survive in this life, but it does make your life a bit easier in the future. All in all, I'm just saying thats a lot to risk over a 3 month friendship. If they were deeply in love, and have been going out for the past 2 years or something, this situation and my opinion would be different. I just don't think there's enough ground to stand on to stay. Eitherway, his life will change naturally (moving to another state or leaving your parents), regardless of the decision, the question is, which one is more beneficial for HIM in the long run. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee i see your point, however the one thing i disagree with is choosing your family over someone you love (like a partner). you aren't going to live with mommy and daddy forever. that's what happens when you get older...you fall in love and get married and make a life. then that partner IS your family. as much as i love my family and am close w/ both parents, if i had someone i was IN LOVE with and they didn't approve i'd tell them tough shit...but that's just me. |
well shit..you gotta start somewhere!
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