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-- ~~~Diagnostic computer~~~

Posted by Henkie_henk on Apr-26-2001 22:56:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike
behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's
wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
ten dollars... a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better

Posted by -=WVG=- on Apr-27-2001 10:12:

ROFL, hehehehe...

thnx Henkie_Henk, ya gave me a good laugh...

Posted by Blik on Apr-27-2001 10:29:

hehe, first laugh of the morning (afternoon actually)

Posted by eXos on Apr-28-2001 13:34:

GJE GJE F-F

Posted by eXos on Apr-28-2001 13:34:

quote:
Originally posted by !_PeTrUs_!
F-F

F***ing Funny

Posted by Andrew K on Jul-14-2002 15:43:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
LOOOOOOOOL!

Posted by Shudder on Jul-14-2002 16:10:

lmao

Posted by dreamlake on Jul-14-2002 18:37:

That's an old one!

Posted by Drifter on Jul-15-2002 14:15:

first time i heard that

Posted by ClubHarder on Jul-17-2002 01:32:

LMAO!!!!!!!

Posted by djshorts on Jul-17-2002 02:05:

that is just so fucking funny!!!!!

lol

Posted by Blue. on Jul-17-2002 04:13:

LOL heard it before but it's funny as hell hahahaha

Posted by narcism on Jul-17-2002 11:16:

hahah thats a good one

Posted by olleman on Jul-17-2002 13:03:

kewl

Posted by OrZonE on Jul-18-2002 00:23:

How did you get the dust off of this post?!
Remember this joke, sooooooo funny!!!!!!

Posted by DJ Mikey Mike on Jul-19-2002 02:22:

quote:
Originally posted by OrZonE
How did you get the dust off of this post?!
Remember this joke, sooooooo funny!!!!!!

lol. i remember hearing this one in middle school. Funny as f00k. Nice to hear some the old classics tho hehe

Posted by Sand Leaper on Jul-20-2002 19:18:

I posted this once before,but it's still damn funny!