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Am I Being Superficial and Shallow?

Ok reason I am posting in here about this , is because of all the GREAT feedback I got on previous threads I created when I needed REAL help�such as a girl I shared a year ago and my SCAREY encounter with a disease last year.,..which most everyone helped with��.

OK�so lemme start�..

I met this girl�.and I will explain why I like her and at the end will say the ONLY and I mean ONLY thing that is holding me back from pursueing her harder or at a faster pace�.by the way I have been seeing for a month now.

Ok I will list it:

GOOD POINTS ABOUT HER:
1. Smart � I can hold a conversation with her about ANYTHING�from politics to music to cars to life to money�you name it��she has valid points and unbeleivable input in all conversations�

2. Caring � I sometimes get panic attacks�and last week with her I had one�and she took my hand and I SWEAR TO GOD made me feel better in less then 5 seconds�.she always asks me how I am and if I feel ok�.the type of girl you would not be embarresed to cry with�very sweet and always ready to listen to my problems.

3. Unselfish � I started jogging again and told her one day that I don�t like to do it because I cant listen to music�and I could not buy a cd player�so next thing I know 2 days later she gives me hers that she used all the time�.and I begged her to take it back..but she would not�always thinking of others.

4. Shows Interest � She is not into trance�but whne she new I was she totally began to ask me about Tiesto..and I dotn mean like most girls where they ask a few questions just to humour you�I mean she asked me where he was from, how long has he been djing, why I like him, whats my favorite song�then �SHE� wanted m to teach her the difference between prog, uplifting, tech etc etc�I said why do u wanna know�and she said �because u show so much passion for it��I almost dropped dead�too sweet�she is also dying to come see Tiesto and watch my videos�she is alsways asking me about him and the music�.she also shows interest in my dancing�I dance Liquid and I pop�and she actually wants to learn how so we can do it together�.she already started a few things�blew my mind away.

5. Independent(sp?) � She holds 2 jobs and goes to college�..she basicaly supports her family because her father is gone and her mother is Portugese and doenst speak English and cant find a job�so this girl has a condo under her name�.definatley has her head on her shoulders�..

6. Innocent � she is 20 and has only had sex with 2 guys�far from a slut�which is very good�.

7. Faithful � She dated her exboyfriend for 3 years and NEVER cheated on him�I know this for a FACT because I know her exboyfriend and most of her friends�.and they told me�.which can add to the next point.

8. Trustworthy � Since she never cheats I can trust her to be faithful�and for some reson I can sense she wont lie to me�I have extreme trust in her,�which I may add I have never had in ANY girl before.


NOW�.that is just a GLIMPSE of what is GREAT about her�but

I must force on you that she is with out a doubt the kindess, sweetess and most loving girl I have ever met in my life�and I am not joking�.

As far as personality goes �you could not ask for a better one�she is what guys DREAM of having�


NOW�here is the ONE thing that I think I am being SHALLOW and SUPERFICIAL about�..her or maybe I should say MY only flaw with her.

1. She is not the hottest girl I have been with�..when I say this I don�t mean she is ugly�FAR FROM IT�.she is very pretty�.she is Portugese 5�7 120 long brown hair hazel eyes 36c breasts�nice ass�..NOT UGLY AT ALL�.

But my problem is I think stems from my mother�.see when I was growing up and also now..my mother ALWAYS critizes peoples looks�she ALWAYS has soemthing negative to say about people�either they are too fat or their hair is too short or they have bad skin etc etc�always soemthing negative�.

SOOOOO since my mother wlays did this I think I conceived in my mind that �I� MUST have the perfect LOOKING girl�.so I tend to pick and pick at a girl�s looks..basically focusing on WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER then what is good�.


So what I wanna know is this�..am I a MORON for not taking this girl while I have the chance because I don�t find her to be the most beautiful girl I have been with?..is that SHALLOW AND SUPERFICIAL?�.i mean I KNOW that you should fall in love with someone for WHO THEY ARE INSIDE but I have this problem�and have had for so long�.but I must remind you that her inner self and her good qualities are so wonderful that I could not ask for more in a relationship �maybe even marriage�..

Only thing that I am holding back for �is her looks�..all my friends said she is pretty..they all said she was a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1-10...1 being ugly ten being insanely hot��.even my sister said I was acting dumb when I told her how seet and caring this girl is��may I also add I LOVE this girls name�which is Tania�love that name�.anyway----

So what do you guys think�am I being a fool?

Looks aside, if you think she's a great girl then you should be with her. And don't care what you mother thinks about her looks, your mother should be caring more about her personality and such anyway. We're all looking for a partner who is hot but deep inside we're all really looking for someone you can be close to and get along with. You're not being shallow for caring about looks but dude, if you got a girl that you can get along with, trust, and overall be happy with I say by all means go for it.

hahaha i have sum of my cousin sisters who r just like that always criticizing other women

if u like her go for it...btw, d00d, u're my game-guru, no situation should be beyond u!

now go get her, make us proud

If you attracted to her, go for it. Maybe I'm superficial, but I dont think a relationship can work with someone that your not phiscally attracted to.

well my current girl is a model..however thats not what captured me...at first thought another pretty face that probably cant count til 10 lol but after seeing how knowledgable,smart,seet and sencere she is i was totally captivated..so what i am tryin to say outer beauty isnt as important cuase lets face it a person can get brused,gain weight what ever but inner beauty never fades..go for it ma man and good luck..

meh...

the chick I am liking right now isn't the hottest girl on the planet, but she's the nicest person I've ever met in this shit town.

All the hot chicks are just go get drunk at shitty house party every day type folk. Not my kind of people

quote:

Originally posted by AnotherWay83 hahaha i have sum of my cousin sisters who r just like that always criticizing other women if u like her go for it...btw, d00d, u're my game-guru, no situation should be beyond u! now go get her, make us proud

LoL........game guru.,....lol .....i can't lie i have a little game...but i might have to pass it ALL down to you if i retire with this girl....

quote:

Originally posted by Ekstasis If you attracted to her, go for it. Maybe I'm superficial, but I dont think a relationship can work with someone that your not phiscally attracted to.

well like i said...i DON'T think she is ugly..she IS pretty...it is just that i HAVE been with better looking girls before...which i may add were all boring and had no personalities...

so for the record this girl IS pretty and i am attracted to her...it's just that i have this thing where i think i deserve a super model or something..

for most guys she is perfect....but for me with my "picking and picking" at every little thing on girls , i tend to find the dumbest flaw in pretty girls that MOST guys like....

Like for example Pam Anderson..i think she is hideous...gross....

or Carmen Electra...i think she is cheesey looking..kinda blah...

quote:

Originally posted by tranceaholic so what i am tryin to say outer beauty isnt as important cuase lets face it a person can get brused,gain weight what ever but inner beauty never fades..go for it ma man and good luck..

WOW....good friggen point...WOW......i never thought of it like that before.....that helps ALOT...thanks....

You seriously need to stay with this girl! SHe is perfect by almost anyone's standards. You obviously have a mindblock and...I hate to say it....an awfully shallow mother. Maybe she was insecure? But anyways...you need to realize that you may bever find a girl like this again, and you can't dwell on looks. Besides, I'm sure she'll grow on you if you keep the relationship going and you'll be thankful you kept her. She'll seem more beatuiful to you the more you get to know her

quote:

Originally posted by Kimmi You seriously need to stay with this girl! SHe is perfect by almost anyone's standards. You obviously have a mindblock and...I hate to say it....an awfully shallow mother. Maybe she was insecure?

good a girls point of view.....i was hoping for one.....


yes my mother is insecure....her and my father got divorced so i gather her picking on other peoples looks in SOME way makes her feel better about herself...

quote:

Originally posted by Kimmi But anyways...you need to realize that you may bever find a girl like this again, and you can't dwell on looks. Besides, I'm sure she'll grow on you if you keep the relationship going and you'll be thankful you kept her. She'll seem more beatuiful to you the more you get to know her

thats what scares me...that i will end up focusing just on the looks and not taking into mind that this girl is BEYOND GORGEOUS INSIDE...i mean i could go on for hours upon hours about how sweet and caring and loving she is...i have never met ANYONE like her....

i mean no joke...i was dancing Liquid and did an armwave...and she was loving it and wanted to learn...i was listening to Tiesto and she was asking a million questions about him...i told her i sometimes get depressed and have panic attacks and she said word for word "thats what i am here for...to make it better"...my stomach sank when she said that...

get this...i have a hooked up car..u know rims, lowered and all that crap right...and she LOVES hooked up cars...i told her i wanna sell mine and buy a piece of shit car cus i was tired of having a car that drew so much attention and she told me that it was a wise desicion and i would be better off...NOW most girls that are into cars would be like "NOOOOO keep your car it's so cool"...but not her...she knew that me selling my car was a better choise in the long run....i mean it is like she knows whats best for me...cus i tend to make dumb choices....she likes me for me....and that is cool as hell...

like you said it would be HARD of not impossible to find someone like her....

Dude, GO FOR IT! If she is cute that's ALL you need, everything else seems to be a go. I wish I had a girl like that in my life...who knows...hopefully it'll happen.

I often get turned off if the girl shows too much interest. I know its silly but the only girls I keep falling for are the ones that make me work hard for their attention. If someone, as you said, wasn't even into trance and starts making tons of questions about your favorite DJ and so on, maybe she just makes you feel to safe about your relationship. These situations make me think "Alright, I can have her, but do I really want to?" and then I start looking for flaws, which you said you did as well.
If this is how you feel, try not to, because it seems like you have found a perfect girl. I say go for it!

quote:

Originally posted by King of Clubs I often get turned off if the girl shows too much interest. I know its silly but the only girls I keep falling for are the ones that make me work hard for their attention. If someone, as you said, wasn't even into trance and starts making tons of questions about your favorite DJ and so on, maybe she just makes you feel to safe about your relationship. These situations make me think "Alright, I can have her, but do I really want to?" and then I start looking for flaws, which you said you did as well. If this is how you feel, try not to, because it seems like you have found a perfect girl. I say go for it!

YES YES YES YES...exactley...thats how i am....u pin pointed it perfectley....

because when i have to fight for a girl i am so focused on getting her i dont look at the flaws...but like u said when a girl shows GREAT interest i tend to be like wait lemme double check if she is what i want..hard to explain but YOU know what i mean.


i think your also right that she is perfect...for me atleast....i have to focus on all the good and not pick and pick at stupid flaws...but it is hard when your mind thinks a certain way.

I think you'd be pretty stupid not to go for it with this girl. Catches like that aren't easy to find, don't give it up easily...

quote:

Originally posted by tiesto14 it is hard when your mind thinks a certain way.

Tell me about it!

Good luck dude, hope things work out for you.

you got a really interesting situation here tiesto14...and everyone has been pretty spot-on with their advice.

only thing i have to add is that i've come to realize in many situations where i've gotten more involved with girls that as your inner feelings develop for the girl, you'll realize they become much more attractive then you could've ever imagined.

so i say, try to overlook this one "flaw" and enjoy being with her. cuz y'never know, a day, a week, or a month down the line, you're gonna suddenly realize that she has become the most beautiful girl you've ever known. hehe, sounds sappy, but i can honestly vouch for this. it's a great feeling, cuz you realize that you like the girl not for what she looks like, but honestly for who she is and what she means to you.

heres my take, and hit me if this shit has been said cuz i only read the first post...

looks are a part of attraction. dont let people lie about it because its the truth. in most cases, the reason you are initially interested in a person is because of looks. the is a point when someone puts too much emphasis on looks but, honestly, its human nature. don't feel badly about wanting a good lookin girl because its not wrong. also, be honest with yourself. i think you already know what you want/are going to do but you just want some re-assurance. go with it, man, you've asked us and all we really can do is help make things you already know a bit clearer.

cheers,
marc

Dude, this chick sounds like a real catch !!!

About the looks, well I think we all are guilty of what u speak off, but in your case, the answer is right in front of you - think about how your stomach sank when she told you what she did, thats a special feeling that only someone that matters can bring out. When you grow together, your paranoir will subside

If it were me, take a chance, you aint got any better options do you ???

If everything you say about her is true then go for it man, she seems to make you happy so thats all that should matter. Who cares what your mom or whoever eles will think about her.

yes
this girl sounds pretty great, you would be stupid not to take it further.

Well she sounds like a really cool chick
i do kinda think that its shallow even tho u see all the inner qualities you are still doubtful on whether or not u should pursue it futher- coz on wat u have said... she isnt like the other girls u dated

well my advice....is forget about the past
and try not to worry, if others dont see her beauty
the most important thing... is that u see her beauty
give it a go... u have nothing to loose
and u'll never know, unless you take the next step
good luck with it all

Mate, please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems to be like a big gameshow where everybody gets to control your life on here sometimes. Sure ask people for advice, but I think the only shallow thing about all this is the fact you are basing your decision on whether or not to go out with this girl on what other people think!

I'm sure she'd be well chuffed to know that.

quote:

originally posted by Spad Mate, please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems to be like a big gameshow where everybody gets to control your life on here sometimes. Sure ask people for advice, but I think the only shallow thing about all this is the fact you are basing your decision on whether or not to go out with this girl on what other people think! I'm sure she'd be well chuffed to know that.

Good point,Spad.Tiesto14,you should only take what you read here as good advice,and not rely solely on the opinions you get from the ppl here at the forum.That might confuse you even more at the end.

Other than that,I'm only gonna say one thing:what the hell are you waiting for?!?!This girl obviously puts a LOT of effort in making you happy,and it's very rare to find girls that are as caring and loving as you describe her here.And she's not ugly either,on the contrary!She's very pretty,and when she's pretty AND has got all the traits you describe here,I know I'd grab her tightly and never let her go.Cause girls like these don't come by very often,and when a girl like this actually COMES by,you gotta seize the opportunity.The comparison issue will just be one of the challenges you'll have to overcome in your relationship with her,altho it is one of the harder ones.Focus on all her good sides(which are vastly in the majority here),and I think you guys will do just fine.

Like so many ppl have said before me:You have nothing to lose.Go for it!

i think you posted here because you already know what to do. you know you like this girl and you want us to talk you out of this doubt you seem to be having over her appearance.

you shouldn't let this girl slip by. i found that love can make someone look better than the most beautiful person in the world ever could.

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