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Low confidence

Does anyone else suffer from this?

When i refer to low confidence i associate it with women. You see, i am soooo shy. I hate it, but i am only shy to strangers, as soon as i have a conversation going or something, i'm fine.
Last night i went clubbing, and this really HOT girl was grinding against me whilst i was talking to my mate, she made it pretty obvious that she liked me b'coz i was against the wall and, well i pretty much couldn't move. My mate was like "go for it!" so i just started dancing with her from behind (as u do). Now for me to do that took some fucking determination. I mean, i was sooo nervious because i am always scared of being turned down! Well anyway, two lads were watching which made me nervious as i had no idea who they were lol Anyway, her friend came over and pulled her away.

Luckily i dont go out to pull because if i did, i would have quit a long time ago. I just go out to have a good time and i did definatly last night - for an angel and silence played beautiful!!!!lol
I just lack the confidence to go up to a girl and start talking and its, well its pissing me off now that i cant do it.

Anyway, do you ppl think that some ppl just arn't going to be able to pull in clubs? THey're just bound to find girls they like from work, university, college etc..? because thats what i feel i may be like at the moment!

Anyway, sorry for rambling, my friends hit me when i say this so im expecting some grusome replies lol...be nice

Matt

P.s. i think il join myself to the "single and ready to mingle" thread lol

the way to do it is get some liquid courage (alcohol) and do it a few times after that its easier sober. I used to be really shy also, and still am a bit, but it gets easier the more youve done it, so do it anyway you can hehe. the main thing to convince yourself of though, (and this sounds shallow /shrug) is this: You are there for you, you came because YOU wanted a good time, and you arent gonna let people get in the way of that, so who cares whos watchin, this ones for you

cheers

Alcohol is your friend
I used to suffer from a severe lack of confidence, something which has only changed in the past 18 months. I am now one of those people you hate

drinky and fags
plus 'fuckit, i dont give a shit' attitude
my tips

Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

quote:

Originally posted by PeacefulWarrior Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

quit trying to sound smart.

The only way to get over it is just to go for it. Seriously, what are you afraid of? I used to be the same way, but now Ill chat up girls easy. Whats the worst that can happen? Shes not going to go OMG NO! and mace you for trying to talk to her or something. So what if you get turned down? More often that not, you wont. Even if you do, who cares, ignore her, youll probably never see her again in your life.

Just ask a nice girl if she would like to dance. If she accepts (which she probably will), just say "my name's ______" and take if from there.

Honestly I used to be very shy myself. I didnt persue some very obvious female advances. You would be astonished how easy it is to chat up a girl if you just try, and take the first step.

Once your talking and havin fun, just say "hey you want to hang out at _____ or somethin this/next weekend?" She will probably say yes, ask for her number or offer to give her yours. And your in

quote:

Originally posted by nrjizer The only way to get over it is just to go for it. Seriously, what are you afraid of? I used to be the same way, but now Ill chat up girls easy. Whats the worst that can happen? Shes not going to go OMG NO! and mace you for trying to talk to her or something. So what if you get turned down? More often that not, you wont. Even if you do, who cares, ignore her, youll probably never see her again in your life. Just ask a nice girl if she would like to dance. If she accepts (which she probably will), just say "my name's ______" and take if from there. Honestly I used to be very shy myself. I didnt persue some very obvious female advances. You would be astonished how easy it is to chat up a girl if you just try, and take the first step. Once your talking and havin fun, just say "hey you want to hang out at _____ or somethin this/next weekend?" She will probably say yes, ask for her number or offer to give her yours. And your in

That's all nice and well.
But what if you make a fool of yourself? What if she has a b/f?

quote:

Originally posted by PeacefulWarrior Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

Yeah I agree. Alcohol works, but then there is a fine line with that too, because eventually you'll begin to think that you can't be yourself or express yourself if you don't have alohol to help you release. But it works nonetheless! Just be aware of that.

quote:

Originally posted by Eugene That's all nice and well. But what if you make a fool of yourself? What if she has a b/f?

You're only "making a fool of yourself" cos that's the label you put on it. There's no way you can predict which girl has a boyfriend, so just keep cool, make some small talk, say "what a pity" and move on to someone else. If you don't act embarassed, no-one will think you made a fool of yourself.

i do...it sucks...i hate it...and in my mind i say ill do this or that but when it coems down to it i dont

I used to, and now I'm in a really funny situation. I get to talk to them, get their phone number and stuff, however, I'm usually so depressed and melancholic at home that I never call them

There is very little a person cannot do once they come to the realization that they are capable of doing it.

Re: Low confidence

quote:

Originally posted by TiestoFanMatt Does anyone else suffer from this? When i refer to low confidence i associate it with women. You see, i am soooo shy. I hate it, but i am only shy to strangers, as soon as i have a conversation going or something, i'm fine. Last night i went clubbing, and this really HOT girl was grinding against me whilst i was talking to my mate, she made it pretty obvious that she liked me b'coz i was against the wall and, well i pretty much couldn't move. My mate was like "go for it!" so i just started dancing with her from behind (as u do). Now for me to do that took some fucking determination. I mean, i was sooo nervious because i am always scared of being turned down! Well anyway, two lads were watching which made me nervious as i had no idea who they were lol Anyway, her friend came over and pulled her away. Luckily i dont go out to pull because if i did, i would have quit a long time ago. I just go out to have a good time and i did definatly last night - for an angel and silence played beautiful!!!!lol I just lack the confidence to go up to a girl and start talking and its, well its pissing me off now that i cant do it. Anyway, do you ppl think that some ppl just arn't going to be able to pull in clubs? THey're just bound to find girls they like from work, university, college etc..? because thats what i feel i may be like at the moment! Anyway, sorry for rambling, my friends hit me when i say this so im expecting some grusome replies lol...be nice Matt P.s. i think il join myself to the "single and ready to mingle" thread lol

I know the feeling mate. It drives me insane not being able to just walk up to a girl who I know is giving me looks and say something to her. I had MANY experiences with that my first year at university, the girls even came up to me and I messed it up. I'm slowly learning to get over my shyness. I'll conquer it soon. Btw, whatever happened to that girl who was grinding w you? You ever see her again after her friend dragged her away?

Kinda off the topic, but alas..

There was this really nice female at work, and we got along like a house on fire, as friends.
The other day she left for another job, and its left a feeling of great loss within me. Should I make an effort to try and meet with her often, or just let it go, going on any of your previous experiences?

Appreciated.

Aussie, go for it. If only coz you'll miss her company, suss out what she's doin, and hook up with her at a pub or something. If you're both good friends she'll have no prob with that. If she does, she's just plain weird.


As for the best method. Its not to have one. Fark i don't walk around thinking, ok, now i'll try to pick up... shit, now i'm gonna. Geez, i just go out to have fun, get drunk with friends and chat to strangers, for no reason at all, if something else happens along the way, so be it, i'm not gonna stop it.

Roll with the punches, laugh it off, 'ave a good evening.

Every time i go out now i just look at my night in one way, and that is, did i enjoy it in terms of dancing and getting pissed, answer, always yes. But i always feel a hole that i dont even try with women. Its easy to say how easy it is lol.
Forgot who it was but il answer a question. About a year ago i was pretty overweight and iv lost allot of that, and now im just medium built with a icle bit of puppy fat (as my mum calls it)so iv really really done well and my confidence compared is brilliant. Im still losing weight as well but everytime i approach a girl i get all self contious, i look at myself when i dance, and i always think "why would a girl like a fat bastard like me". It sounds like i feel sorry for myself, and i don't lol. Its really pathetic, and i know it but i cant help it

The girl i was grinding with danced near me all night but i just couldnt get the guts to dance near her again. I thought that girls like to go out and dance, and maybe she just wanted to dance, as not everyone wants to pull whem they're out do they?

I'll try the "i dont give a shit" next time lol and just have a go.

OMG i just realised, u ppl are my councilors

Thanks 4 the help, Matt

quote:

Originally posted by davinox quit trying to sound smart.

so ur pretty much saying iv been doing the wrong things and im fucked at pulling during clubbing

good advice though, but u seem to say that not many blokes pul, when i go clubbing, theres allot of ppl getting off, and im always the minority lol but ar well

Matt

quote:

Originally posted by Vesa I guess it depends on the venue. At discos where I go, I've seen only a few guys pull, and at clubs where I go, I've seen only top DJs pull My model-looking friend told that he had pulled at discos only once in five years! No shit, I've seen only a few guys leave with women. Usually the girls who come to grind their asses into a guy are only teasing and/or are totally pissed. They are actually the most difficult to bed because they are on a manipulation trip, and an indifferent kiss is the most that they give away. There are probably pick-up discos here separately where people go to pull, and it's much easier. But the coolest dance places here have the most beautiful women (that's why I hang out there in the first place), but it's nearly impossible to even start talking there. Plus half of the women's acquaintances are there watching them, so social control is overwhelming. Anyway, I don't think there's any other advice to give about pulling except to play it cool and keep it real. Things happen when it's time.

no offence, but I think the UK is slightly different, if coup can pull whilst pulling, anyone can

quote:

I guess it depends on the venue. At discos where I go, I've seen only a few guys pull, and at clubs where I go, I've seen only top DJs pull My model-looking friend told that he had pulled at discos only once in five years! No shit, I've seen only a few guys leave with women.

woops, for me or my mates, or here most people, pulling is not taking a girl to shag, its just getting off with them, or making out as allot of people call it.

Should have made that clear, damn me

Lol

Matt

heh i agree with Vesa's novel (pun intended) reply.
i usually play it coy until i know the chick is checking me out.

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