Fao - Acb - TranceAddict Forums

TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Australia
-- Fao - Acb

Posted by Ian on Nov-28-2002 08:39:

Fao - Acb

Due to Englands inept ability to find 11 men out of 60 million to Play a cricket game for us, May I please ask for the following concessions....

1- All the Aussie Bowlers must bowl left handed, or in Darren Lehmann's case, right handed

2- England are awarded a run each time they hit the ball, regardless of if you field it or not

3- all our 4's are worth 50 and our 6's 100 runes apiece

4- You go for drinks break & let various members of the crowd bowl at us, namely those female and over 70

5- You not bother turning up, we couldn't beat our own sticks

6- Nasser Hussain & Steve Waugh pick individual players like the school playground so we can at least have some talent on our team

7- When Bowling at you, we use bricks, when bowling at us, you use tennis balls

8- We get a choice of laxatives in your drinks for the hourly breaks

9- You send Lou from Neighbours & Alf Stewart out to open with Donald Fisher leading your pace attack

10- If not serious action will be taken, Myself and Az are on standby to come out of retirement and join up with the squad, and we might actually score a run or two, unlike the rest of the clowns we send out

11- Appologies for people who've bought tickets from day 3 onwards, our games only last that long with bad weather

Thank you and G'day, and may the best team win, so 3-0 to you by sunday

Posted by jizza on Nov-28-2002 08:57:

I'm sorry did you say something, I was too busy staring at that RACK!!!!!!!!

In all seriousness though, it's good to see you're handling the situation well enough to be funny.

I too would like to see a contest and I too would like to see Alf open the 'flamin' attack.

BTW how come Matthew Hayden got off so lightly from the media when he had friggin' haemerrhoids (??) C'mon people he had to have surgery on his ass! Ewwwwwww!!!!!

Posted by 3jaz on Nov-28-2002 09:22:

-add

aussie team must play blind folded

Posted by Ian on Nov-28-2002 10:06:

quote:
Originally posted by MichaelDudikoff
I'm sorry did you say something, I was too busy staring at that RACK!!!!!!!!

In all seriousness though, it's good to see you're handling the situation well enough to be funny.

I too would like to see a contest and I too would like to see Alf open the 'flamin' attack.

BTW how come Matthew Hayden got off so lightly from the media when he had friggin' haemerrhoids (??) C'mon people he had to have surgery on his ass! Ewwwwwww!!!!!

Well Unlike some of the Beer-Boys who're out there 'supporting' us I can see that we're not as good as you, infact I don't see any team even close to the level the Aussies are at, and I can only admire the way you play, I'd love to see us show the same aggressive fields, but atm we can only beat the other also rans.

Actually the Matt Hayden thing got mentioned on sky sports here, It was about 3am and suddenly Ian Botham on commentary mentioned it, I nearly hurled

IMO if we can show some more spirit and compete with you a bit, it's better than the current display, I could argue key players are out, which they are, but it's still no excuse, it shows how weak we are when key players miss out

Good luck tomorrow in Perth, We're gonna need some

Posted by Ian on Nov-28-2002 10:06:

Posted by webmeister on Nov-28-2002 11:04:

Further to the above:

- England will get electric wickie, freeing up Alec Stewart to defend the boundary
- Adam Gilchrist has "six-and-out" restrictions, and must retrieve the ball if he hits it over the road
- Matt Hayden can no longer use a bat, instead he must use a jumper wrapped around his arm
- England get "one-hand-one-bounce" rules when fielding
- No England batsman can be dismissed in their first over
- Glenn McGrath can only bowl spin, Shane Warne can only bowl underarm "dollies" (not grubbers)

ah hell, we're still gunna win

Posted by Ian on Nov-28-2002 11:50:

Too True, but it'd be one hell of a spectacle

Posted by escee on Nov-28-2002 12:01:

hahaha this thread is classic

one of the funniest threads ive seen on TA. It is a shame that england cant field a better side. Even though we give you poms hassle about it, deep down we long for a competition.

Posted by webmeister on Nov-28-2002 12:05:

yes a good cricket competition .. as long as we win in the end

Posted by 3jaz on Nov-28-2002 12:30:

LoL webmeister

love this call
- Matt Hayden can no longer use a bat, instead he must use a jumper wrapped around his arm

Quick tip for england:bowl at his feet

primary school cricket was the best
hated when i grazed my knuckles tho .....yeeOuch

Posted by Philby on Nov-28-2002 14:40:

hahahaha
nice one
at least the pommy spectators are cool
there nice and rowdy
so even if the players are playing shit you can atl east listen to thwe crowd!

hahahaha 6 and out

Posted by dr me on Nov-28-2002 17:45:

even though they are doing a good job, i wanna see new aussie players. the only way this can happen is if someone beats the current team. i was thinking of buying tickets for the cricket, maybe day 3?

Posted by Renegade on Nov-28-2002 17:47:

Bring back Tuffnell!

Posted by Ian on Nov-28-2002 18:27:

quote:
Originally posted by dr me
even though they are doing a good job, i wanna see new aussie players. the only way this can happen is if someone beats the current team. i was thinking of buying tickets for the cricket, maybe day 3?

They have 3 day cricket now ? best tell our guys that

Incidentally if ne1 does goto a game, go find the sky sports team, gower, botham etc and get on tv with them saying hi to us, cos I'll be watchin live

Posted by DJ Dowlz on Nov-29-2002 00:26:

quote:
Originally posted by dr me
even though they are doing a good job, i wanna see new aussie players. the only way this can happen is if someone beats the current team. i was thinking of buying tickets for the cricket, maybe day 3?

Don't make that fatal error dr me. I did the same in Adelaide and only ended up with half a days play

Posted by jizza on Nov-29-2002 00:56:

quote:
Originally posted by webmeister
- Matt Hayden can no longer use a bat, instead he must use a jumper wrapped around his arm

hahahaha that would be a spectacle and a half, especially with his surgically repaired ASS!!!

no doubt all these conditions and innovations have been enforced during one time or another in our lives... oh the memories.

I 'member one rule we made where if it hit the tree you're out but if it hit Mum while she was hanging out the washing - it's a 6 AND a handshake!

(Soz Mum, we were young and naive)

Posted by Ian on Nov-29-2002 07:03:

Well it's 7am our time, midway through ur afternoon session, and we're 149-7, we are so fucked

Time to call in our youngsters and get rid of the dead wood, ie butcher crawley stewart caddick

Bring in (u prob dont know these names but) Ian Bell, Paul Collingwood, Dominic Cork (not young but at least wants to play for us) and transplant Darren Goughs abilities onto sum1 with less dodgy knees

Nah It's not nice as an Englishman to see this, but I'd kill to have Brett Lee play for us, don't spose he has an english gran ?

I've already had enough stick from my cousins in South Aus for the series so far, looks like more agony

Posted by Philby on Nov-29-2002 08:27:

far out man
how can robert key get bowled out by fucking damien martyn???
ungh!

hmm
how quickly can u get vvs laxman from india an english citizenship and fly him down to play the next test? he knows how to break an australian winning streak!

Posted by dr me on Nov-29-2002 08:59:

i reckon yous can have lee. his bowling is average really. he sacrifices thoughtful bowling for pure pace. i'd rather have bichel bowling than lee.

Posted by Pointy on Nov-29-2002 10:50:

Yea but although Lee is costly, he always comes through with the goods

Posted by webmeister on Nov-29-2002 12:24:

and it's always funny to see Lee completely shatter somebody's stumps

Posted by matt_a on Nov-29-2002 13:38:

Lets hope this pitch starts opening up a bit soon. I wanna see McGrath bowling off the cracks! Anyone remember a few yeas back when Curtly played at the WACA and you could put yor fists down the cracks. God that was fun to watch! (I'm sure it wasn't fun to be batting!)

Posted by Ian on Nov-29-2002 14:16:

well I think England are totally fucked now, Imo i'd send most of the guys home, and bring the youth over, they can't do much worse than these guys

Incidentally we've found Out Laxmann has an english uncle, so he's coming too

Nah it'd be so easy to be all uptight & shitty bout it, but you guys are the best in the world, and I'd like to see us compete more, I don't expect us to win anything, just not roll over, like we are doing, we really do suck

Posted by Xavier on Nov-29-2002 21:52:

quote:
Originally posted by Trancey Ash
Lets hope this pitch starts opening up a bit soon. I wanna see McGrath bowling off the cracks! Anyone remember a few yeas back when Curtly played at the WACA and you could put yor fists down the cracks. God that was fun to watch! (I'm sure it wasn't fun to be batting!)

haha Who remembers against the windies (a few years back) when the ball hit the cracks and bounced back on to the wicket, that resulted in I think a stumping/run out. I think it was Healy who dropped the ball on the crack (he didnt mean it):P

Posted by Philby on Nov-30-2002 12:46:

quote:
Originally posted by Xavier
haha Who remembers against the windies (a few years back) when the ball hit the cracks and bounced back on to the wicket, that resulted in I think a stumping/run out. I think it was Healy who dropped the ball on the crack (he didnt mean it):P

i thought the bat was stuck in the crack and couldnt get over the crease in time!

fucken hell this is gonna be another 3 day test match!!!!!

but my sympathies with 9 players injured...