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Posted by Fundamental on Dec-10-2002 09:39:

Maintenance Problems

Never let it be said that ground crews and aircraft engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.
(PROBLEM is the problem the pilots entered in the log, and RESPONSE is the corrective action taken by the mechanics.)

PROBLEM: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
RESPONSE: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.

PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.
RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.

PROBLEM: Autopilot; in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm (feet per minute) descent.
RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.

PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.
RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.

PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!

PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.
RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windscreen.
RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.

PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.
RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

PROBLEM: Radar hums.
RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.

PROBLEM: Mouse in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Cat installed

Posted by webmeister on Dec-10-2002 11:54:

cough repost

i have seen this many many times over the last few years floating around the internet .. sometimes it's the air force, sometimes a commercial airline. never seen it as qantas though

BTW Qantas have had plane crashes - they call them "incidents" because it sounds better and allows them to say they never crash

Posted by Sweet az on Dec-10-2002 12:05:

quote:
Originally posted by webmeister
cough repost

i have seen this many many times over the last few years floating around the internet .. sometimes it's the air force, sometimes a commercial airline. never seen it as qantas though

BTW Qantas have had plane crashes - they call them "incidents" because it sounds better and allows them to say they never crash

AND WHAT A **** U ARE

Posted by Jay_$te@lth on Dec-10-2002 13:55:

somebody please ban sweet az as every post ive read his contribution is nothing more than 6 words and is offensive for no reason kthx

Posted by ExOn on Dec-10-2002 20:26:

ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Posted by U121 on Dec-10-2002 21:48:

Re: Maintenance Problems

quote:
PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.

lol the pilot is obviously suspected for leaking something to the russians...

Posted by Technaut on Dec-10-2002 22:49:

quote:
Originally posted by Sweet az
AND WHAT A **** U ARE

and look how hard you are big man

im fucking shit scared of you I am

Posted by ProDiGaL on Dec-10-2002 23:20:

old