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-- Jokes part 98
Jokes part 98
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was
coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and
turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and
groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his
hands up like claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the
way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing
so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy,
however, was getting more and more distressed from all
the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached
the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed
and said, "I was just being the Ring Bear!"
--------------------------
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his cell phone
and calls 911. He gasps out to the operator, "My friend is dead. What
can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says "Just take it
easy. First let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a
shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says "OK,
now what?"
---------------------------
Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony.
They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in
Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this
very night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife
for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought
you should know.. this ain't just our first time. It's my first time
ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you." "Whut you say,
Mary Sue?" "I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for
you on our weddin' night." "Yore a VIRGIN??" He asked somewhat
shocked. "That's right. Please be gentle." "Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm
outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his
virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and
drives home. "Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!" "Huh?
Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3AM on yore weddin'
night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a
haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?" "Paw, I wuz all set to do
just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!" "A
VIRGIN?" "That's right, Paw. One hunnert percent cherry. As soon as
she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!" "Well,
son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she ain't good
enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours!"
--------------------------------
This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had
a pet.? So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted
to buy an? unusual pet.? After some discussion, he finally bought a
centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.? He
took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and
decided?he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a
drink. So he asked?the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to
Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new
pet.?This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then
asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with
me?"? But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So
he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided
to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the
centipede's house and shouting,?"Hey, in there! Would you like to go
to Frank's place and have a drink with me?? A little voice came out of
the box:? "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking
-------------------------
Two men were sitting at the bar when the first guy asked why the other
looked so glum. "Well," the guy said, "todays my daughters birthday, I
got her a car and a dress. If she dont like the dress she can drive it
back." "Todays my daughters birthday to," said the other guy "I got
her a pair of slippers and a dildo, if she dont like the slippers she
can go fuck herself!"
-------------------------
A woman goes to a doctor to complain about her husband's impotence.
The doctor decided to give the woman a test trial of the new drug,
Viagra. The instructions were one pill half an hour before sex. The
woman comes back to the doctor's office the next week. When the doctor
asked how the Viagra worked, the woman glowed when she said it was
just like her wedding night. The woman asked the doctor what will
happen if she doubled the dose. The doctor replied, "I'm not sure, why
don't you go ahead and find out." The woman returned the next week
even happier than before. "I take it it went well," the doctor said.
"It was just like when we were teenagers!" came the woman's reply.
"What will happen if I give him the rest of the bottle?" The doctor
thought about it and then told the woman to go ahead and try. A week
goes by, two weeks go by .... 3 weeks. Finally a month later a young
man walks into the doctor's office. He walks up to the doc and asks,
"Are you the doctor who gave my mom that new Viagra drug?" The doc
says yes and asks how it's working. The boy replies, "Well my mom is
dead, my ass hurts and my dad is sitting at home in a corner going
'here kitty kitty kitty!'
---------------------
A girl is about to get married, and is watching her mother bake
biscuits in the kitchen. "Mom?" she asks, "How do you keep Dad so
happy after all these years of marriage?" The mother promptly throws a
wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats
down, picking the dough up with her snatch. "Practice this and when
you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the
rest of his life," said her mother. So the girl practiced and
practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited
for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a
can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the
floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough. Expecting to
only pick up the biscuit she had a very unexpected episode of gas,
which made a thunderous growling sound. Her husband startled, jumped
from the bed and backed away. "What's wrong honey?" she asked. He
replied, " Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing
growls like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to tease it
with meat!"
hmnmm... good 
Re: Jokes part 98
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jploveparade --------------------------- Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony. They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this very night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know.. this ain't just our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you." "Whut you say, Mary Sue?" "I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night." "Yore a VIRGIN??" He asked somewhat shocked. "That's right. Please be gentle." "Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home. "Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!" "Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3AM on yore weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?" "Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!" "A VIRGIN?" "That's right, Paw. One hunnert percent cherry. As soon as she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!" "Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours!" -------------------------------- |
good ones jp! 
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