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-- ........3 jokesssss.......
A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result.
On his way home he stops at a news stand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29". "I am actually 47". This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my sight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought why not and let her slip her hand down his pants. A minute later the old lady says,"OK You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds
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Whats the definition of agony???
A one armed man haniging to a cliff with itchy balls
What is the definition of desparate???
A vampire suking on a used tampon.
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hehe, the first one is great, really awsome 
Yes I agree with Blik, that first one is quality.
Mzzl
hehe, the Vampire-joke is also cool 
1) + 3) are very cool!! especially 3) he he he *dirty_smile*
lol. good ones henkie. the first one rocks. hehehe.
i forget...my friend read a book about vampires and there was this one really disgusting part where the vamp actually licks a pad that had been...'used' by a virgin....*cough* wtf....
hehhhhe!!! while we're on the topic
A bear and a rabbit are out in the woods, and both need to have a dump urgently...so they each go behind a different tree and deposit a hefty amount of shit.
once finished they meet up again, and the bear says to the rabbit "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
to which the rabbit replies "No, i don't"
So the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit.
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A young girl asks her mother, "Mum, why is my name petal?"
Her mother replies "When you were born a petal fell on your head."
"Oh," she replies.
One of her sons asks her, "Mum why is my name leaf?"
She answers, "When you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
"Oh," he says.
Then the woman's other son goes up to her and asks,
"ngangungunganga?" with an obvious mental problem.
The woman says, "Shut up fridge!"
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A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk.
"Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen.
But Randy didn't stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy". "Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer"
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hehee!!! hope u haven't heard them b4
bahahaaha, all of those were hilarious hahahahaha... the rooster one ive heard a million times, but always still funny, better when said live though, and the first joke on the thread was in a maxim a wihle back... that one was funny also.. and the bear and the rabbit one i hadnt heard, i found that one pretty kewl too.. the vampire one is kinda sick, but yap... oh well..
another vampire joke:
3 vampires come to a restorant, they take a look at the menu and call a waitress
the first vampire sais: "I'm gonna have some raw kidney salad with blood sause"
the second vampire sais:"I'm gonna try this blood soup with eye balls"
and the third vampire said: "can i have a glass of hot water"
the first and the second vampires go:"What's wrong with you? Are you sick or something? Aren't you gonna get something bloody?"
and the third vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used tampon : " I just wanna have some tea"
| quote: |
| Originally posted by PinkLollypop another vampire joke: 3 vampires come to a restorant, they take a look at the menu and call a waitress the first vampire sais: "I'm gonna have some raw kidney salad with blood sause" the second vampire sais:"I'm gonna try this blood soup with eye balls" and the third vampire said: "can i have a glass of hot water" the first and the second vampires go:"What's wrong with you? Are you sick or something? Aren't you gonna get something bloody?" and the third vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used tampon : " I just wanna have some tea" |
when you tell this joke in person : during the last line do that movement that you usually do when you dip a tea bag into water -> people will laugh forever after this
here is another joke
a newspaper ad:
tall blonde female with big ( o )( o ) and beautiful ( Y ) would like to meet a man with big 8=== .Those with %= don't even bother me.
LOL! I'm gonna have to find some entertaining jokes too!
Just a sec...
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Miss Proximus LOL! I'm gonna have to find some entertaining jokes too!Just a sec... |
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