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-- Jokes part 132

Posted by jp on Feb-23-2003 17:26:

Jokes part 132

A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr ******, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong.

"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"

Being a nurse of long-standing, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"

At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back???

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At a Gynecologist convention in Switzerland two gynecologists were talking.

One from France says "There was a woman in my office yesterday with a clitoris like a watermelon."

Another one from England says, "That's impossible, if she had a clitoris the size of a watermelon she couldn't walk."

The one from France responded, "You English, always thinking about size. I was talking about taste."

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There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.

The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the problem?" asks the doctor.

"I have no dick!"

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"

"What's wrong?" the doctor asks.

"I have no dick!"

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!"

"Why?" asks the doctor.

"Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate you!"

"Why?" the doctor asks.

"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!" He walks out. The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, "Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!" "Why?" "Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!"

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Little Johnny came home from school one day with a big smile on his face.

He said to his dad "Guess what! I got laid today!"

Johnny's Father thought about this a minute, and smiled with pride "Way to go, son."

The next day, as Johnny was coming home from school, Johnny's father asked "Did you get laid again today?"

Johnny replied "No dad, My butt's still sore from yesterday."

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A man came walking up to the house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.

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Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog.

She sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped onto the princess' lap and said: "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me."

The frog continued, "One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle."

"You can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't friggin think so."

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It had taken him several months, but the exec had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."