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'Time traveler' clears $350 million in 2 weeks
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003
By CHAD KULTGEN
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.
"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.
"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.
"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."
In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."
However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."
Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
haha sweet
Re: 'Time traveler' clears $350 million in 2 weeks
| quote: |
| Originally posted by TranceGeek 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING Wednesday March 19, 2003 By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256! Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider. "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources." The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation. When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment." In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands." Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. |
Re: 'Time traveler' clears $350 million in 2 weeks
| quote: |
| Originally posted by TranceGeek ...Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. |
Re: Re: 'Time traveler' clears $350 million in 2 weeks
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Prototrance I really really hope this is true. How amazing would it be!!!!! |
wow 
well., obviously, this sounds like something from the movies. would be something if it were true though...
its over our heads if it WAS...
If he really were from the future, he would have at least a slightly different accent and grammar (language evolves after 200 years), a twisted notion of geography and history and he would have some trouble with the most simple things (like driving a car or using an oven)...
among several other problems...
They should let this guy go simply for coming up with such an awsome excuse 
lol. thats quite bizarre.
how sweet would it be to find his ship!!! 
wow incredible. Very cool if it was actually true
| quote: |
| Originally posted by shawn2331 how sweet would it be to find his ship!!! |
Re: 'Time traveler' clears $350 million in 2 weeks
| quote: |
| Originally posted by TranceGeek Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." |
It's on the internet. It simply must be true!
LMAO!!! That is great!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Maaz If he really were from the future, he would have at least a slightly different accent and grammar (language evolves after 200 years), a twisted notion of geography and history and he would have some trouble with the most simple things (like driving a car or using an oven)... among several other problems... |
Guys, the source "Weekely World News" is the check out stand publication that also runs the "batboy" articles and such....its not true....lol though
Doesn't take a genius to realise that's story has been somewhat exaggerated.
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| Originally posted by InsomnEac They should let this guy go simply for coming up with such an awsome excuse |
I didnt know they could arrest someone for doing well on the stock market.
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| Originally posted by DJ Chrono I didnt know they could arrest someone for doing well on the stock market. |
| quote: |
| "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." |
Maybe he can tell us how this war is gonna turn out ....
Anyway they should arrange a trade ... if he can cure AIDS I think that warrants a get out of jail free card.
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| Originally posted by St�phanie_M 800$ to 35 MILLION |
wtf that's like unheard of what he did !!!!
OMG I wish I had insider trading tips
anyone sharing some O day stock ?
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