WOMEN'S ADS


40-ish...................... 49

Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends

Athletic.................... No tits

Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful................... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy

Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor

Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated

Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster

Free spirit................. Junkie

Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut

Fun......................... Annoying

Gentle...................... Comatose

Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic

New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs

Open-minded................. Desperate

Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk

Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional................ Certified Bitch

Redhead..................... Bad dye-job

Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat

Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light

Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray

Voluptuous.................. Very Fat Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker

Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself

Young at heart.............. Old bat




MEN'S ADS


40-ish...................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic.................... Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking............. Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back

Educated.................... Will patronize the shit out of you

Free Spirit................. Banging your sister

Friendship first............ As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun......................... Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking................ Arrogant

Very good looking........... Dumb as a board

Honest...................... Pathological Liar

Huggable.................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Mature...................... Older than your father

Open-minded................. Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested

Physically fit.............. Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet........................ Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall

Sensitive................... Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive.............. Gay

Spiritual................... Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable...................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted