Top 20 Signs You're Not a Fashion Model

20. When you do the Macarena, jet planes
start parking in front of you.

19. That photo of you and your Pug on the
family homepage, with the caption, "I'm
the one on the left."

18. You only landed the lead role in
"Hunchback" because the producers wanted
to save money on makeup.

17. Despite most valiant efforts, there
always seems to be something going on
behind your eyes.

16. Your latest workout video is called
"Abs of Custard."

15. You've eaten an entire raisin at a
single sitting.

14. 6 feet tall? Check. 134 pounds? Check.
No discernible beard stubble? Damn it!

13. That Cindy Crawford beauty mark? A stray
chocolate chunk from your Ben 'n' Jerry's
Super Mocha Chocolate Brownie Supreme.

12. What good are $250 shoes if you can't
see 'em?

11. Not only does the camera not love you,
Kodak has filed a restraining order against
you.

10. Your only modeling gig so far was posing
for the 'Before' picture in Oxy-10 commercials.

9. You're on the cover of the Sports Illustrated
Spacesuit Edition.

8. You've been able to read without using your
index finger for years.

7. Your new spring look? Plaid shorts, white
belt, black socks.

6. When you ask where the runway is, you
invariably get directions to LaGuardia.

5. Despite constant dieting, intense workouts
and subscriptions to all the glamour magazines,
you just can seem to lose that 2-digit IQ!

4. No matter how much base you use, you just
can't seem to cover up those bolts sticking
out of the side of your neck.

3. Jim Bob's All-U-Kin-Eat Country Buffet had
to hire a bouncer to keep you out.

2. Forget Revlon -- you should be a spokesperson
for Teflon.

1. You've never heard of Oscar de la Renta, but
are a longtime fan of Oscar Meyer's.