Well fellas...it seems I am having a little bit of woman problems. Please take this somewhat serious please...I'd rather not get flamed at this moment in time.

So I've been dating this woman for the past 7 or 8 months and things have seemed to be going extremely well. I went to visit her this weekend, as we usually visit each other every weekend. We both go to colleges about 1 hour away. Well, I was using her PC when she was in the shower and stubbled upon this email, and no I was not snooping.

Here is the part of the email she sent to her friend...names have been changed :P

"[Vaedyn - me] also came to visit. And things are going
okay with him, i am not attached to him as he is to
me, so things are just okay. he doesn't know how i
feel but i really i am not sure how i feel about it
either. Plus it sucks that [some other fellow] is always on
my mind too well i am dealing with it. hopefully
talk to you soon!"

I don't really know how to interpret this at all. I am confused and depressed. She means a lot to me.

How would you guys interpret this? And what would you do in my situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

*Forgot to add*

I know this other person, was somewhat of a friend...and he is in the military...He was a total ass to her when they dated for all of two weeks...So He wont be coming back for a while I think.

Last edited by Vaedyn on Oct-25-2004 at 22:49

get out now!!

and im being serious

being with a girl who doesnt know what she wants sucks balls.

talk to her about it.



actually, tell her something along the lines of you not knowing what YOU want.....and being in a relationship could end up hindering your activities.....she might be like "oh shit, i better shape up!"
or she could agree and let u go

either way its a good way to get down to the truth.

if she doesnt want to be with you, face the pain and move on man


sorreh

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Umm, shes thinkin of dumpin you for the other guy unless you step up to the plate.

See ******s, I can say nice shit too.

well, first of all what do you want to get out of this relationship? do you want to spend the rest of your life with this gal, is this a passing thing, how old are you.

My opinion if this happened to me (since i´m not looking to get married right now) I would not care too much just enjoy the relationship. I she is less into you than you are into her there is IMHO no way back or a way to make her get into you more, the only thing you can do is get answers and talk to her about it, you will have to take the email into account, this will undoubtebly (sp?) rock the boat hard, so be aware of consequences.

As I said it all depends on what your goals relationship wise are, and if you have not had a little experience with past girlfriends, this will be quite dificult, in seeing past this girl and knowing that this is not what you want, and go look somewere else.

My point of view is pretty messed up since I have very little personal experience in serious relationships, maybe I´m jaded in the idea that there has to be balance in everything of the relationship, with this in mind I answered.

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Slash her car's tires......and get out the relationship.

If she doesnt feel the same about you then ya's relationship isnt going any where.Better pull out before you become more attached to her,which will make things more painfull in the long run

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Girls that don't know what they want are best avoided.
If you really do want a shot with this girl although the chances are slim then do one thing. Whatever you are doing right now do just the opposite. If you are seeing her a lot, completely stop seeing her. In other words, minimize all kinds of contact with her. If this change in you does come to her attention and she shows it as well i.e asks where you've been/why you are not talking to her then that means you mean something to her although you will have to clarify that. If she dosen't really care she won't bother noticing either.
This is just to make you feel better and hope that you do get lucky and all goes well. The same thing happened to me and it stretched over 6-7 months and ended in the most painful way possible.
I would say get out as soon as you can.
Good luck to you.

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Spacy dreamer

Are people not allowed to like others at this point? She's obviously not made any significant commitment towards you, otherwise you would feel it and be happy about it.

Instead, she causes you depression by thinking of another...it hurts, I'm sure, but what can you really do about it? You can't control her actions, and you shouldn't even try, all you can do is stay devoted to her if you truly feel that is the best course of action. If you doubt that it would do much good, you're probably right - there is no 'correct path' to take in a meaningful relationship, it all comes down to personal decisions. Do what you feel would be best - what was your first reaction? There is no room in a relationship that is meant to last for hidden feelings from either you or her.

At this point, I would just talk to her. It may not sound good that you were snooping on your computer (fess up! ), but if she's truly worth all of this trouble, she'll understand that your feelings for her supercede any minor infraction such as 'invading the privacy of her computer'.

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There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

This situation really hurts. You think things are a certain way, and all of sudden you realise they are not.

But lets put the emotional torment aside and not be naïve for just a moment. Girls at college, especially if they are attractive and smart and have a shade of independence (the kind of girls I like) will often be reluctant to tie themselves down totally, and often will enjoy meeting other guys, even if just for friendship. And the guys that usually meet them are more than willing to be completely committed. But therein lies the problem.

Your two choices are as follows:

1. Terminate the relationship. No-one can blame you.

2. Make her chase you a little. Do whatever you can to ensure there is no routine in the things you do. Do not get lovey lovey and shower her with attention. Don't tell her sweet nothings, do not tell her you snooped and found her email, do not buy her presents. Be happy, exagerrate how good things are in your life. Maybe make her jealous by telling her about other girls that like you or that you have hung out with.

Most likely your ego is hurt more than your feelings, but you must realise that this is normal and the fact she is bothered by liking someone else as well means that she does in fact like you. This is most likely caused by her becoming a little bored. So take her for dinner somewhere romantic, don't have deep and meaningfuls just have fun, be as independent as possible, and don't get into any sort of routine with her.

Good luck.

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"The first stage of the great adventure has concluded happily, and here I am installed in Mexico, although I have no idea about the future" Che Guevara

Bang her for all she's worth and go back to trolling for a real prospect. Unfaithfulness is normally not a good trait in a relationship. Just use her as a ragdoll and drop her at your convenience. She's going to do it to you eventually anyhow.




[[[smoke]]]

Bluefish - Been Too Long

maybe she left it up on her computer easy to stumble on cause she didnt want to confront you directly about this issue or something...

anyway, one thing i think is that possibly she has lost interest in you because you are too interested. this happens to us a lot. we really want someone then when we catch them we lose interest. the fun is in the game not the relationship. so if she is just out to play games, you should walk away since that is apparently not what you want. or you could try and make her think that you arent as interested as you really are. or you could let her find out about other girls who are interested in you so maybe she will want you more.

the only real way to find out is to talk about it. most relationships fail because because are open with themaselves and their partners. she apparently isnt listening to herself cause she says she doesnt know what she wants.

another worthy peice of advice that someone once told me: a relationship is only as good as the sex in it. you can date a total dirtbag but if the sex is great you will remember him fondly... so maybe she would be less unsure of things if you spiced up the sex life.

just some ideas, based on not really knowing the details of the situation.

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Wave is to particle as zero is to one as bagpipes are to modem noises.

quote:

Originally posted by smokeape Bang her for all she's worth and go back to trolling for a real prospect. Unfaithfulness is normally not a good trait in a relationship. Just use her as a ragdoll and drop her at your convenience. She's going to do it to you eventually anyhow. [[[smoke]]] Bluefish - Been Too Long

im seriously going to have to agree with the above statement.

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